INNspiring Glossary

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YellowSocks's picture
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The INNspiring Bed & Breakfast Blorum Glossary

 

Latest Terms:

 NEGS – 3/26/09

 Purse Dumpers – 7/18/09

 TA – 7/18/09

 

Air Ferns – Guests who eat so few foods they must exist on air.

Al Fresco – Au naturel (in the buff).

Alterinnkeeper – 1) An alternate name to go by on the forum so you can rant anonymously. 2) psycho.  See also Innkognito.

Anonymize – To atomize a post (delete it) to protect a forum member’s anonymity.

Aspiring Innkeepers – Innkeeper virgins.

Bad Shedders – Hirsute persons.

B&B – Bed and Breakfast.  Must have both or it doesn’t count!

BBB – Before B&B.

Bellhop – An innkeeper’s kid.

BFI – Brute Force and Ignorance.

bil – Brother in Law, or one who installs new electrical outlets.

Bless Her Heart – 1) A phrase used by Southern women to excuse themselves for speaking ill of someone: “She’s as ugly as a mud-fence, bless her heart.”  2) An expression of sympathy or pity: “That little girl has a face only a mother could love, bless her little heart.”  3) A polite way to respond to an ignoramus, particularly male, who showers flattering but unwanted compliments upon you.  “Why, bless your heart, Chester, how you do go on!”  4) She’s a nitwit, or sub-moronic.  “She thinks she’s going to be an astronaut, bless her heart!”

Blorum – Cross between a blog and a forum.

BOGO – Buy One Get One.

Brassiere – What newlyweds wear in the dining room, even if nothing else.

BTDT – Been there, done that…

BTW – By the Way (But wait!  There's more!).

Check-in Time – An arbitrary designation of when the innkeeper starts waiting for guests.

C&C – Couch and Coffee – What you get when visiting young relatives.

CF bulbs – Compact fluorescent bulbs.

Cleaning, Daily – See Fluffing and Flipping.

Cleaning, Deep – Seasonal (Spring/Fall) cleaning (i.e., flip the mattress!)

Cleaning, Extreme – a.k.a.: Ludicrous. 1) Seasonal cleaning taken to a whole new level (new paint and/or décor).  2) Cleaning which involves a camera crew and director.

Cleaning, Heavy – What you don’t have time to do on a regular flip (i.e., dust the light bulbs!).

Clingers – Your New Best Friends!  Nice people who overwhelm you by monopolizing your time, helping you out, sharing their stories, and keeping in touch once they leave.

Cooler Crowd – Guests who move in and take over, bringing food with them to prepare in your private kitchen.

Cosmic Compost – Dust (which, BTW, is mostly dead skin).

Cover Kickers – People who thoroughly entangle covers, often removing them from the bed.

Crummies – Guests you hope leave early and wish had never arrived.  (See “lumps.”)

CVB – Convention and Visitor’s Bureau; where to take your cookies and muffins.

Decrapification – A word which requires no elaboration but does require constant practice.

dd8 – Darling Daughter, 8 years old

df – Dear/Darling Fiancé(e)

dh – Dear/Darling Husband (or any other applicable “D” word…)

dil – Daughter in Law

Ding-Dongs – People who ring the doorbell with glee and gusto… again and again!

DINKs – Dual Income, No Kids

DIS – Disgruntled Innkeeper Syndrome.  An ugly disease, with myriad causes, including crummies, PITA’s, P’s, or having a website which reflects a personality different than your B&B’s (and your) actual personality.  A downward spiral which often results in burnout.

DNB – A person who is “Do Not Book.”

d-o-m – A geezer in his underwear (fortunately, a rare bird…).

Doona – Duvet cover (brand name in Oz).

Dreck – Bottom of the barrel (Yiddish from German “dirt” or “trash”).

Drive-Thru – 1) Guests who only stay one night.  2) Guests who hit you like a Mack truck.

ds4x2 – Twin 4-year-olds.

dw – Dear/darling wife.

Earthy – 1) Odiferous.  2) Hard to launder after.

Emergency Clothes – Clothes you leave laid out when guests are in the house so you can be dressed in seconds flat.

Encyclopedia Innkepaedias – Innkeepers who can’t resist sharing their knowledge.

Expectant Innkeepers – Aspiring Innkeepers who have bought a house, started spending money, have a “due date.” They’ve changed from clueless to nervous and excited.

Fairy Lights – Little white lights in use year-round on trees and bushes.

fil – Father in Law.

Flipping – (aka Turning) 1) Completely stripping and cleaning a room between guests.  2) What some innkeepers do when guests are rude.  3) Useful euphemism.

Fluffing – (aka Freshening) 1) Tidying up a room while the guests are out.  2) Tidying up your hair before the new guests check in.  3) Something you apologize for.

Flying Squirrel Arms – Arms that wave twice.

FOPO’s – Friends of Previous Owners—just smile and say, “How nice!”

Fotels – Feeling Hotels. 1) Chinese economy lodging with nice amenities (breakfast, gardens, in room massage).  2) Those “spas” your mother warned you about.

Fourbucks (or Fivebucks) – Starbucks.

Freegans – (a.k.a. Dumpster Divers) Persons who eat only what they can get for free. Etymology:  see Vegans

Friendguest – Someone who appreciates your kindness so much that you have become their forever friend.

Gasper – Someone who thinks your nightly rate is a weekly rate.

GC – Gift Certificate.  (A dollar amount, or for “Aunt Gertie,” depending on your philosophy.)

GOPO’s – Guests of Previous Owners—don’t believe everything you hear.

Gorilla Marketing – Unconventional marketing to get maximum results from minimal resources.  Does not include stealing your competitor’s rack brochures!!

Grocery-Getter (aka, the Shopping Cart) – An innkeeper’s vehicle.

Hottle – 1) Glass mini-teapot thingy with plastic top, perfect for steeping tea.  2) Paper cover for an individual coffee or tea carafe.

Hyperguest – A guest who calls and emails numerous times, and even visits, before they come, trying to ensure all will be perfect for their visit.

Ice the Room – To go in and double check all is ready before a guest arrives (particularly if the room has been empty for a few days), includes placing fresh flowers and checking for dust.

IK – Innkeeper (not a preferred abbreviation…).

IMHO – In My Humble Opinion, i.e., you ought to agree.

IMNVHO – In My Not Very Humble Opinion, i.e., it doesn’t matter if you agree or not.

Innkognito – An innkeeper who remains anonymous to protect the innocent (i.e., the innkeeper) while they kvetch about the guilty (i.e., inconsiderate guests).  See also Alterinnkeeper.

Inn-mates – 1) Innkeepers who never leave their inns.  2) Innkeeper buddies.

JMHO – Just My Humble Opinion, i.e., you don’t have to agree.

Killer Breakfast – 1) Wicked (i.e., good), with lots of variety and quantity.  2) One that kills the possibility of return visits.

Kitsch – Jewish funky stuff.

Lactose Intolerance – Persons who can’t drink regular milk, but can have that expensive stuff.

Locals – Source of many wonderful suggestions, interesting history, and dire predictions.

LOL – 1) Laughing out Loud, i.e., just kidding, tongue in cheek, don’t get all huffy about it.  2) Land O’ Lakes mini-moos.

Luggage Racks – Decorative elements for guests’ viewing pleasure.

Lumps – 1) Guests who are less than wonderful.  2) What you wish you could give them.  (See Crummies)

mil – Mother in Law.  (Generally a life saver!)

Mini-moos – Small, individual creamers with two month shelf life.  (See LOL)

Morning Sickness – 1) The queasy feeling an Expectant Innkeeper gets anticipating future guests.  2) The queasy feeling a Perspiring Innkeeper making breakfast again.

Nest, The – Innkeepers quarters, a cluttered hideaway out of the sight of guests.

NEGS (Newly Enlightened Guest Syndrome) – A guest who on their first day asks what you do with the rest of your time and on the second day asks how you get it all done in one day.

OBTW – Oh By the Way, i.e., “Uh oh.”

Onesies – One night stays.

OTOH – On the Other Hand.

OS – Overseas.

Oz – Australia, and sometimes New Zealand (it’s different down there).

P – Short for “Princess and the Pea” as well as petulant petty pill.

Party Shower – A shower designed for a party of two or more.

PEE – Princess’s Enthusiastic Enabler; royal consort, schnook, wuss.

PCOS – Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, a combination of symptoms that can cause infertility, weight gain, and horrible PMS.

Perfectionitis – A disease not limited to Aspirings (though perhaps most susceptible), which can cause major delays in opening for business, or sleepless nights for new innkeepers.

Perspiring Innkeeper – 1) When it’s peak season and the housekeeper quits.  2) Any innkeeper whose B&B is up and running.

PITA – Pain in the behind.

Placeholders – Guests who reserved multiple nights at multiple inns while they pick and choose where they want to stay.

PO’s – Previous Owners.  Usually complete saints or complete demons, depending on how long they were there after they burned out.

Private – 1) A demarcation of personal space.  2) An invitation to the bold.

Purse Dumpers – Guests who dump your candy dish into their purse (or pockets)

Redd – 1) Removing surface clutter and obvious grime when you don’t have time to deep clean, i.e., the ten-minute-tidy.  2) Freshening up before going out in public. (Pa. Dutch)

Robers – Persons who like the inn’s robes so much they wear them to breakfast.

Rolling Thunder – The distinctive noise that bags on wheels make when approaching your B&B.  “I hear rolling thunder, might as well go answer the door.”  Sometimes accented by the boom of a suitcase coming down wooden stairs.

Root Canal – 1) What most innkeepers would rather have than Root Canal Guests.  2) What misinformed travel writers equate B&B stays with.

Root Canal Guests – Guests who stay at B&B’s under protest (usually dragged by a romance seeking wife, screaming there is no TV for the race/game).

ROTFLOL – Rolling on the Floor, Laughing Out Loud.

ROTFLMAO – Even funnier still.

Screamers – Intimate couples best placed in a separate edifice, or another B&B altogether.

SD – Service Dog. 

SEO – Search Engine Optimization, the pot at the end of the rainbow.

Schlep – To haul by hand, what husbands often do for wives.

Sharpie – What to mark your mattresses with for rotation (and sheets for sizes…).

sil – Sister-in-law. 

Shoot and Miss Guys – Elderly men with poor eyesight, content with “close enough.”

SITKOM – Single Income, Two (Three) Kids, Oppressive Mortgage.

Snarky – Snarling grumpy, snidely nasty.

S/O – Significant Other.

Starkers – Stark naked.

Steemahs – Steamers, i.e., steamed clams.

Stodgy – Stuffy, boring, overdone, unimaginative, yuck!

Straight Shooters – The ones you don’t mind in your guest bathrooms.

Sweeties – Guests who make up for the crummies.

Swirt – A smart computer guy who travels with wine.  Also known as “His Majesty” since “All Knowing Guru” and “Honored Sensei” are entirely inadequate appellations.   

TA – Trip Advisor (.com)  A bane or a blessing, it’s here to stay.

Talcum Bombers – Persons who use large amounts of talc, with widest possible dispersion.

Tea Tea – Plain Black Tea, preferably loose, although bagged Lipton, Tetley, Red Rose, or English Breakfast will do.

TDOMLN – Tap dancing on my last nerve:  fearless, insensitive guests who end up on the “no room at the inn” list.

Tchotchkes –  Yiddish knickknacks.

Thumpers – People who say they’ll carry their own, then bump! bump! thump! up the steps.

Tourists – People who came, saw, and did a little sleeping.  Many B&B’s bread and butter.

Triple Sheeting – The act of sandwiching a blanket between two sheets so that guests may harbor the illusion that no one has ever drooled on it before.

Turkey – Someone who wants you to arrange their Thanksgiving dinner for them.

Turn Down Service – An opportunity to remove wet towels from wood furniture.

Turning – See Flipping.

Valet – A shelf with a bar for hanging clothes in lieu of a closet.

Vegetarians – Persons who don’t eat things that had eyes (except potatoes).

Vegetarians, Lacto Ovo – Persons who don’t eat meat, but will eat milk and eggs.

Vegetarians, Vegan – Persons who don’t eat things which had anything to do with animals.

Vegetarians, Vegan, All Raw – Persons who travel with their own food.

W/E – Weekend (when the rates go up!).

W&F – Warm and fuzzy.  Something cheap and easy that leaves guests feeling all W&F.

Wise Ones – Experienced innkeepers who have been there, done that… and have T-Shirts with their inn names on them!

Zones – 1) A way to heating control costs.  2) Our area/their area.

 

 

 

 

=)
Kk.

Aussie Innkeeper's picture
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ooh! How about the 'UN-TUCKERS' - you know, the ones who pull the flat sheet and blanket out from under the mattress at the bottom of the bed?

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Queen of Everything!

 

gillumhouse's picture
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That is me. Tucked in causes pressure (and pain) on the bad foot of Himself. After over 40 years, I also cannot take the pressure of tightly tucked in sheets. Sorry, but will happen.

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stompers - people who walk around like they're wearing workmans boots

 

 

 

fluffers!!!!   snigger! cheeky

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Thanks for resurrecting this thread.

Cheer up, maybe the sheets will stay on the mattresses better.

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I ordered sheets from shamsclub - and I was putting them on and thought, interesting. They didn't mention THIS in the description of these super soft, high thread count, wrinkle-less than some, sheets. They had extensions of elastic material on the ends like some hack made them.

For that, for the innspiring glossary I donned them "Pregnancy sheets"

 

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   Play Dumb....... when an Innkeeper see's something that might  embarrass a guest or ?

 Like a few weeks ago when he was paying the bill with his zipper full open . Play Dumb is best .

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Mary in Virginia

 

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I may need a little help with this glossary term.

              They call, they waste your time asking all these questions and when you get the room rate they say "I will have to check with my wife and get back to you."  

I suppose "cheapskate" is a good term, but it is the deflecting to the "little woman" who obv wears the pants in the family I want a term for, we all know you are lying dude, why don't you just say "oh that was more than I wanted to spend" and not deflect.

I would like a term for this, anyone?

gillumhouse's picture
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Ask-her/him (mine do not call back either)

Lee2014's picture
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JBloggs wrote:

I may need a little help with this glossary term.

              They call, they waste your time asking all these questions and when you get the room rate they say "I will have to check with my wife and get back to you."  

I suppose "cheapskate" is a good term, but it is the deflecting to the "little woman" who obv wears the pants in the family I want a term for, we all know you are lying dude, why don't you just say "oh that was more than I wanted to spend" and not deflect.

I would like a term for this, anyone?

  "Don't Hold Your Breath!"  We actually had many of them call back, explain who they are and ask if the room is still available.   My favorite was the one who asked every question under the sun and ended with, "Thank you. Bye."  Then I heard her say, "Dear, they don't have any availability for our dates we wanted, so I think….click."  Fat old lie 101"

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New glossary term:

Noah's guests

When you have a full house and they come down 2 x 2 to eat.

 

PS I searched to find this so others can enjoy the glossary and add any terms.

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Tire kickers: They ring the bell to get an unscheduled tour of the B&B, but obviously never intend to reserve a room.  Usually staying with friends or relatives nearby for free.

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Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)

 

gillumhouse's picture
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I thought Gillum'd was a term - I am conceited enough to have enjoyed the term

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Thank you for this =)

DW means Darling wife?! Ha Well I will have to Use DH - because my husband is helping, while I run the show. 

 

* NEW to BB business

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*Remember to Breath, Everything will work out. =)

 

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I have a new acronym for the Glossary:

DIRTBAG - Definately Isn't Returning To Be A Guest

 

This is courtesy of a dear friend and fellow innkeepr in NC. Today, I really needed this and couldn't, for the life of me, remember what the acronym stood for.

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My first post on here, I think...after my first month as an innkeeper, basically running this place by myself without any RECENT experience in hospitality, NO experience in online bookings...wow! That has changed things!!! ..and hiring someone for the first time ever...and learning that all these people who talked about how good help is hard to find...that they weren't kidding! hehe Nor were they wrong, in the least. 

Now, I'm experienced in hospitality and specifically bed & Breakfast types...I've worked in Inns and B&Bs across the country, starting on Martha's Vineyard, to Boston, to Sacramento and to New Orleans. I love it! I love the guests, I love cooking breakfast! Today was the first less-than-happy guests I have had eat my breakfast. IN a month? Not bad, right?? 

So...turns out this place is more of a weddings & parties venue than a B&B and I am definitely NOT a party planner. But, as it turns out, this is the LARGEST and most....mmmm onerous? part of the job. 

Anyone have any tips about managing to feed 10 to 15 people breakfast while prepping for a 100 or 200 people wedding party arrival in a couple hours? Now, mind you, THANK GOODNESS, we have a caterer who actually PREPARES the food!!...but there's still the chairs and the food tables and presentation, the tent setup, the flowers, the florists, the bakers, the bride's parents, the maid of honor, the pre-bridal photography, the Dress the Bride/Maids ...lordy!! and in the middle of it all, the BRIDE. The last of which was a DREAM! NOT the least bit BrideZilla!  

I'm ready willing and able to trade this for a quiet spot in Ireland, Italy or France or Scotland tending to a houseful of 2x2 Noah's Guests heartlaugh

 

 

 

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Heidi, welcome!!!!   

You've landed in the middle of a separate, non-wedding related thread.  I'm going to suggest you click on 'forums,' then on 'Chat, vent, laugh, cry', then on 'New topic.'   Then start this new thread.  Wedding conversations do tend to get interesting!  

 

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TBH

 

swirt's picture
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 Hah that is great.   Just to be clear, is it for guests you don't expect to see again... or people you won't allow to be guests again.  

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Hah that is great.   Just to be clear, is it for guests you don't expect to see again... or people you won't allow to be guests again

 

That would be correct!

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Definitely don't send them to Rocky Springs - my sister has had enough of them for this year - maybe Lancaster just attracts those types?

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If you have not been to the Innkeeping glossary and are new to the forum, here it is, with all its idiosyncracies...

I have a new term for the glossary coined by DH this morning.

"CRITICAL JUNCTURE"

Innkeeping meaning:

Critical Juncture = Don't mess with me right now I am about to pour the innkeeper's own first cup of coffee!

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In our area we have YMCA -ers. These are guests looking for a cheap room (usually in the $50 range and generally at the last minute.) Name comes from what it would have cost to stay at the YMCA. .... like in the 1970's

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This is AWESOME! Thank you so much Bree for directing me here - not to restate what someone else said previously, but what an eye opener! It's hard to read posts wondering hmmm DH  / DW (which I got was husband/wife) and then I came across the TA (which I'm guessing to be Trip Advisor?).            TTFN, Erin

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Yes, TA = Trip Advisor

=)
Kk.

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 weasels - those who cancel and then expect you to not charge them if they talk to you enough and try to act like they will book another time.  (Sorry i just dealt with a weasel and there should be a YWMT fee - You Waste My Time fee)  Yeah talking to me more and wasting MORE of my time will let you off the cancellation charge.  NOT!

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as if you want them to make another reservation, which they will likely cancel again, causing the same grief multiple times.  Thanks but no thanks.  After I had one cancel three times - once within the notice period - I told her that if she made another reservation it would require a nonrefundable deposit of one night.  So far she hasn't called.

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There are no rules, just follow your heart. ~ Robin Williams

 

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Totally sidetracking the glossary here, but...we had a woman cancel several times and each time she called to book after each cancellation she insisted she'd never stayed here (she had) or called us in the past (she had, many times, usually we were full already). I don't know if she really didn't remember staying here or if that was her defense mechanism.

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Cancellation Amnesiac... which could be related to the Weasel Booker. 

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~ Anton Chekhov

 

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Bree wrote:

Totally sidetracking the glossary here, but...we had a woman cancel several times and each time she called to book after each cancellation she insisted she'd never stayed here (she had) or called us in the past (she had, many times, usually we were full already). I don't know if she really didn't remember staying here or if that was her defense mechanism.

Its called "She's a liar!" mechanism.

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How about Squeakers?  They are so tight the squeak! 

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Haha!  I like that one

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haha!  I see you added my new guest term.  Thanks!  We still need one for the discount shoppers aka cheapskates.  hmmm.....

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I have two new terms for the glossary that somehow invented themselves...

Stepford Guests - these are the guests who check in and are miserable. Whether from the long day on the road, the holding the bladder for 300 miles, lack of sustenance like food and water, aching backs, bad co-pilot, listened to mapquest who is out to conquer the world by getting everyone lost one person at a time, or what!

They arrive grumps and then appear at the breakfast table and you are not sure it is the same guests.  Smiling, friendly, chatty, happy.  (What happened to the other guests I met at check in? Did they go to the Plaza?)

Second, there are those who you wish to turn in for new models.  Not sure how to word that one, but the Stepford Wished from the innkeepers perspective = we would like them to be replaced as they are crotchety miserable people, nothing will suffice.

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I learned more about innkeeping in the last 5 minutes it took me to read that than in the past year at work!!!

I am curious tho. Why is PCOS on the Innkeeper glossary???

Does PCOS really cause bad PMS (Property Mangagement Software)  Eye-wink

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1) Theorectically, it can affect an innkeeper's performance.

2) In reality, we get off topic a lot...

Generally, whenever someone uses a term or abbreviation, and someone else asks what it means, I add it.

=)
Kk.

JunieBJones (JBJ)'s picture
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I think their s/b

song and dance act I

and

song and dance act II

The before breakfast, the during, the after ha ha

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The person who booked a room for Saturday decided he was going to pull up out front yesterday so he could see if the room was acceptable.  Sorry if I already posted this.

I had the sign on the door.  It irritated me.  Kids last day of school - here I am busting my butt to get stuff done so I can be ready for them - Hoola hoola no more skoola!

I didn't go to the door.  TOUGH!

So THEN he calls (I see caller id). no mssg of course.

Then today he calls again probably in the area.

WE HAVE A BLOODY ANSWERING MACHINE! It really works, really it does. LEAVE A BLOODY MESSAGE!

I am beginning to think that is my least favorite thing - people who just think if you are a business they have all rights to your place, they can come and go and stop in for a tour.  GO AWAY.  

Yesterday the phone rang pretty much all day long.  Once of those 25 marketing calls per day, days.  I let the machine get it, and am doing the same today.

JunieBJones (JBJ)'s picture
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Dh plays the same trick, when he is mowing, he ignores them.  There is no way he will stop as he is all grubby.  People should check in at check in time, full stop. People say "Oh. Was THAT your husband?" later on.

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We need a word when we dodge early check ins as we are all grubby and busy cleaning and see/hear them coming.  Or was that on there somewhere?  I think this would become a very popular catch phrase for us. I bet Bree can come up with a good one, it is her "niche."

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Slurking, except I think it may already be a word used elsewhere in a different context.

Slurking= Slinking and Lurking, which is what I do...slink past the open windows, lurk around corners.

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lol  Slinnking

swirt's picture
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How about:  Artful Dodger ?

YellowSocks's picture
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I think it needs to be a verb...

=) Kk.

egoodell's picture
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I know one innkeeper who when caught outside working and grubby by guests trying to check in early would pretend to be the non-english speaking gardner.

Riki

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Riki Goodell
Arcady Vineyard Bed & Breakfast
Arcady Vineyard Wine Tours
www.arcadyvineyard.com
Come! Let us show you the beautiful Monticello Appellation!

 

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