The Smug

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Did I ever mention how much I dislike smugness?

There are so many diff traits, but that is one that just sends me up the wall.  It's like the illegitimate son of arrogance.

 

They stay they pay they go awayyyyyyyyy...for all the griping I do about one nighters, there is also the goodness found in them, when they go... I'm jus' sayin'...

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Uhm.... you know, some of us might take this male bashing personally.... 

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Eric Arthur Blair wrote:

Uhm.... you know, some of us might take this male bashing personally.... 

Hey I pointed out I have seen women try the same smug "I am better than you honey - you are just the hired help" game and not get past the cranky B**** at the counter.

I like men, but only the ones who respect me.  All the rest regardless of who they are can go to H***.  If you are in my place of business, and want me to provide a service which you yourself cannot provide, please, thank you and respect go a long way.

And JB is right it happens more than you think.

 

 

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I feel compelled to add something on the other side to this:

I know virtually nothing about cars. I know how to check my oil and fluids. Where my gas goes, how to check air pressure in the tires and add more if needed, and what sounds are normal in my truck.

AFTER that, I'm as lost as a kitten on a highway. I have found that there are two ways for a man to talk to me about my truck: either to my face or to just slightly below my neckline. I prefer if they were to talk to my face. I found a tire place/service garage that is awesome! They don't demean me. They don't treat me as if I don't know much about my vehicle. They give me respect. And they get my business. Every time.

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Yep, it is not your fault you don't know everything.  Those customers I spoke of were few and far between, and always first time customers.  Once they figured out the woman behind the counter knew a ton more than they did, and they weren't getting any special deals by going around her, they became my best customers.  I had one who wouldn't talk to me for at least the first three times he brought his hot rod in.  He would walk in through the bay doors and start talking to my now ex.  Once he got turfed to the office to deal with me on what it was going to cost him and why he firgured out how it

The women for the most part loved it because I could explain things to them in ways they would understand.  When they would call and tell it was making a noise, I would say does it sound like your hair dryer or your vacuum, or is more like a blender or a food processor.  They got it and it often saved them money because we got the car in before something really bad went wrong.

I taught every one of our female customers and a few of the men how to check not only their oil, but their trans fluid, their brake fluid, the air in their tires, and how to change a fuse and where the fuse box was in the event they had a problem on the side of the road.  I educated right along with taking their money, it was a two-fer.

 

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I realized I was nattering on last night and it's not really important what my kids know how to do, so suffice it to say...

Neither one of them could walk into Home Dept and get service. They don't wear the right ball cap. They don't look right. HD's loss.

And this has to do with being smug how? Because you should never judge a book by its cover and think less of someone because they don't look the way you think someone 'like you' should look.

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I can't get service in a HD either. But around here it's lack of bloodhounds to actually find an employee. I once called them from my mobile, while actually in the store, because I just couldn't find anyone except for the busy cashiers. Apparently everyone on the floor decided to have lunch at the same time!

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Madeleine wrote:

I realized I was nattering on last night and it's not really important what my kids know how to do, so suffice it to say...

 

Neither one of them could walk into Home Dept and get service. They don't wear the right ball cap. They don't look right. HD's loss.

And this has to do with being smug how? Because you should never judge a book by its cover and think less of someone because they don't look the way you think someone 'like you' should look.

In the days when DH went to the Collector Arms Shows (a rifle or shotgun worth $10k and up was not unusual - it was the norm) just to look, how he was dressed determined what happened. Jeans and flannel shirt - polite but that was it. If he wore those jeans with a sport coat over that shirt and a fedora-type hat, "would you like to handle it, sir?" He was able to handle authentic Hawkins muzzleloaders and rifles he could not afford in his wildest dreams.

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Eric Arthur Blair wrote:

Uhm.... you know, some of us might take this male bashing personally.... 

No one is male bashing they are smug small-man sharing. FYI in case you didn't know, WE CAN BE DISCRIMINATED AGAINST. This is what we are sharing. That is why I said that some may not be aware of this. It happens, more than the glass ceiling and be treated like second class citizens.

In other words, he would not have spoken the same way to my very male husband as he did to my very female self. 

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This is another thing I hate as well - my dh can just about operate a screwdriver I do all the maintenance with a bit of help with the electric and more compliacated stuff from the handyman and electrician where appropriate. I am the one discussing X soultion verses Y solution and I am the one who goes to the hardwear shop and gets all the parts.

If DH comes along for the ride which he does sometimes to look at the pretty bathroom instalations and things like that the assistant always flicks to him when I ask where XYZ is like why is the woman asking why arn't you asking? makes me loony!

New tool shop local to me ie 2 mins walk has opened now always shop there when I can cos they never do the man customer eye flick - I speak they speak back to me. I told them this is why I shop here and they should keep it up and they will increase their women customer base. Also a local - not hardwear but sort of building supply shop sort of at the back of me is now doing handyman and handywoman courses - and my dad says there is a 50/50 split of men and women doing it which is excellent!

Trouble in the uk too many people never learn as they live in rented accommodation - if you do anything yourself even hang a picture you will loose your deposit, its not worth it so they just ring the landlord for everything and I can see why.

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Small Men = Small Minds.

I worked in a male oriented service industry for years.  I ran the place, I quoted the work, ordered the parts and spoke to the customers.  I knew more about cars than 99.9% of the male customers.  Yet there were those that wanted to talk to the mechanic, cause he obviously knew way more than the "twinky behind the desk".  Well that didn't go over well, and they eventually figured out I was in charge and if they wanted their car back at the prices I quoted they would address me and not my employees!  Just because they are plumbed differently doesn't mean they know more. I knew more than most of my employees, but the small minded small man on the other side of the counter could only see a woman, who in his little mind couldn't have a clue what she was talking about.

 

Can you tell this behavior sends me over the edge? 

JB - I feel for you because you obviously are not doing your job in that you do not have mapquest memorized, you have the audacity to own and operate a business, and you have all the power.   And that smugness....well that is just an insignificant mind not dealing well with his own insignificance.

Don't get me wrong I have seen women do it too.  Had a female customer try to get a discount by wearing - shall we say provocative clothing - and wanting to talk to the "manager"  When I told her I was the manager, she said well then the owner will be fine, I said "yes he is fine, but right now he is running one of OUR children to the dentist, would you like to wait, he will be in tomorrow after he mows the lawn and washes my motorcycle."  She left and was none too happy that her feminine wyles didn't get her a discount, instead she was the last car finished on a Friday night.  AND no discount!

Some people are smug, condescending, or just plain rude no matter what you do.  Sorry you had to deal with them, but it is a beautiful day and the birds are singing and they will be someone else's problem tomorrow!

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When our middle son needed a new car, he asked MOM to go with him to the dealer saying, I don't know what to say to them Mom, you do. (He did not ask Dad.)

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gillumhouse wrote:

When our middle son needed a new car, he asked MOM to go with him to the dealer saying, I don't know what to say to them Mom, you do. (He did not ask Dad.)

They have a big tent sale in the parking lot outside super stuffmart.  I wandered over, the place is "slithering" with salesman for these used cars. No prices on any vehicles, and it is a tent sale. No one helps me, I have to walk over to the big top and I look at a guy and I kid you not he turns to some other guy and says "Are you busy? Can you help this lady?" 

So the snake-oil-shysters will not give me a price on a vehicle I see there, I have to "register" and test drive, then they will give me a price. 

I have a very low opinion of car salesmen to begin with, but these guys were the sleeziest I think I have ever seen. I told him to take a flying leap, and drove away. They wouldn't even get a plug nickel from me.

We have a local car dealer who offers zero service, they hire only local good ol' boys that know everyone, you know mountain people only buy from people they trust/know. But they are so lax it is not even worth your time. NC has some excellent dealers, upfront, work hard for you, and it is worth driving down there to get their advertised and online specials. Prices are on every vehicle. 

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Continuing on the car buying sidetrack... Our son (who is 28) and his wife (newlyweds) just bought their very first brand-new car.  His wife had a 15 year old hand-me-down car from her parents and his car is 12 years old (which we bought used).  It was quite an education for them to go through this...he did all his homework and was very prepared when he went to the dealers shopping around.  They walked away from at least one dealership and didn't buy from that car manufacturer.   I think they actually got a fair deal, too!  They have a really nice hybrid vehicle.  Life lesson.... 

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I grew up around chef's who could give gordan Ramsey a run for his money and the only way to get respect was to dish it out as much as you got, ive got to the point where i am pretty much bullet proof.

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I hear ya! Oh and it is a lovely day, we had pouring rain all night, and now I can see clearly now the rain has gone...

If you know me, you know that I really get around, haha  I mean I am all over the place and not directionally challenged in the least, and like every smart person I can google map.  No moss grows under my feet... I can count on one hand the small men we have had here, it is a real shame, as they are detested everywhere they go, but they choose to be that way. His poor wife...

 

Our state is:

42,775 sq miles (110,786 km²)

510 miles which is about 9 ½ hours across our state heading east

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Weaver wrote:

... and they will be someone else's problem tomorrow!

NO! Don't ever say that. It's always my turn 'tomorrow'!

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Madeleine wrote:

Weaver wrote:

... and they will be someone else's problem tomorrow!

NO! Don't ever say that. It's always my turn 'tomorrow'!

OK Sorry they will be someone else's problem next century!

By then we will all be dead!  There are no PITAs in heaven right?

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 I hate smug more than arrogance. Arrogance they are in their own haughty world, so good on 'em.  Smug is trying to belittle everyone else, and be the FUNNY MAN.  A legend in my own mind, sort of thing. I make fun of everyone and everyone laughs.

Sarcasm I can deal with better than smug. Cynicism I can deal with better than smug.

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Sorry this happened to you, JB.  That dude has no clue about you as a person. 

I have found smugness to be a common behavior where I live now.  Men are used to the "little lady" being very demure and find it threatening when women are strong, confident, informed, and intelligent. 

They stay, they pay, they go away... 

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We had 2 guys walk in last night. One of them talked to us the other said barely a word. He reminded me of my brother so I figured it was shyness.

Our peeve is definitely arrogance. The 'oh you lowly peon' attitude. It's not as bad as it used to be so either we don't care what people think or the guests have lightened up a bit.

In some cases it's the 'you're a hick' syndrome.

 

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 Can you identify this?

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Nose print on glass?

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Seriously you X@TQ~!

This guy asks how long is it to get to Such and Such, I said "I don’t know"

He replies with “You don’t know distances very well do you.”  

 

Excuse me you bloody old XTW#@!

Am I supposed to know how long it will take you to get where YOU want to go? I have never even friggin' been there you bloody old XTW#@!

 

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What drives me mad is when you tell them they then argue with you! we have a village nearby only 9 miles but it quite often takes 45 minutes to get there but they won't have it!

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Joey Bloggs wrote:

He replies with “You don’t know distances very well do you.”  

 

Oh the witty comebacks...

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Madeleine wrote:

Joey Bloggs wrote:

He replies with “You don’t know distances very well do you.”  

 

Oh the witty comebacks...

Saying you don't know is better than making something up or exaggerate.  I know of some people who will tell a guest, 'oh it's takes only 10 minutes to get there' ... when in reality it takes 20 minutes.  That drives me nuts.

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Olga wrote:

Madeleine wrote:

Joey Bloggs wrote:

He replies with “You don’t know distances very well do you.”  

 

Oh the witty comebacks...

Saying you don't know is better than making something up or exaggerate.  I know of some people who will tell a guest, 'oh it's takes only 10 minutes to get there' ... when in reality it takes 20 minutes.  That drives me nuts.

I think in this case it was more the snide tone that's the issue. We all, I would think, would say to a guest, 'Hmmm, I don't think I know that town/place,' rather than making something up.

It's when the guest gets snarky that we don't know everything about every place that the innkeeper's hackles get raised.

I would hazard a guess that if JB DID have an answer he would have argued it with her.

We get asked how long will it take to get to places that are hundreds of miles from here. In other states. In another country even. I don't know every little hamlet from here to wherever. Or what construction is going on. Or what accident has the road closed. Or, like last week, what roads were closed because they washed away in the rain!

Totally agree with you it is better to say you don't know than to make something up. Some people cannot accept that without getting mean about it.

 

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Joey Bloggs wrote:

He replies with “You don’t know distances very well do you.”  

 

You didn't reflexively slap him?

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Arkansawyer wrote:

Joey Bloggs wrote:

He replies with “You don’t know distances very well do you.”  

 

You didn't reflexively slap him?

I said and I quote "Am I supposed know how far it is and how long it will take you to get there?"  He did his smug facial expressions and act.  

You know there are some people who live their lives to put women down. Maybe you don't know this, but they are usually small men, and it makes them feel big.  When they find a woman who owns a business well then they want to put her in her place, even tho it was their anniver and they got dark chocolate brownies with a nice card and Hydrangea vase from our garden in their room...

This is a small man, who if encountered my husband would not be SO SMUG.  When Tony hears about this crap he gets ruddy mad let me tell you! I don't need a body guard, but yes slapping instinctively does come to mind.

We discovered our locked rooms upstairs were also gotten into...what a surprise.

You see yesterday we had such a great day, the city newspaper photog was here (I will share more tomorrow when the article is out) the guests were overly delightful and it was too good to last!

They are gone, paid and gone!  

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How did they get in the other rooms?  They snuck around and found the keys?  Sneaky .

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YIKERS!!  Someone got into locked rooms?    That is not good....

Madeleine's picture
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Holy cow. They unlocked the rooms??? How did they know no one else was in there??? Cheeky bastards.

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I don't know if it comes under smug but its people who look down on you because you work in the service industry

I also have a double bonus as being that bit younger I get people who think they can partronise me - both guests and locally which drives me crackers

(1) - how long have you worked here?

(2) does the owner ever come here?

(3) your young to manage such a place

(4) - do you have any experience

blah blah blah DH and I have 35 years hospitality experience weve seen it all.

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