Would you do anything?

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Madeleine's picture
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09/29/2011

And what would you do?

Reservation just came in. Person is staying on the anniversary of spouse's death. (Yes, this was all in the rez.) Not someone we know but is there something I should/could do?

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Silverspoon's picture
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10/16/2011

Ummm, no...except be nice and listen to her.  We have had a number of guests who were here to grieve and we always just follow their lead....leave them alone if that seems like what they want, or sit and have coffee with them in the morning if they are in the mood to talk.  The important thing is that they know there is someone around who is understanding and kind.

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Madeleine's picture
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OK, so now the grinch in me comes out. I thought I would do something very small, maybe a vase of flowers with a note from us. Something to say we are not cold-hearted, unfeeling robots.

Then the emails started. This person is not coming for another 4 months and I've gotten 2 'chatty' type emails since last night. I know how the spouse died. How long ago. Where they were married, for how long. Where they went on the honeymoon, how many kids they have. I am not denying the need to talk about these things. But...

I had a guest who called me almost daily when the spouse was dying and after the death. I am not good at this. I started screening my calls. I felt guilty for doing that.

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06/24/2008

Madeleine wrote:

OK, so now the grinch in me comes out. I thought I would do something very small, maybe a vase of flowers with a note from us. Something to say we are not cold-hearted, unfeeling robots.

Then the emails started. This person is not coming for another 4 months and I've gotten 2 'chatty' type emails since last night. I know how the spouse died. How long ago. Where they were married, for how long. Where they went on the honeymoon, how many kids they have. I am not denying the need to talk about these things. But...

I had a guest who called me almost daily when the spouse was dying and after the death. I am not good at this. I started screening my calls. I felt guilty for doing that.

Isn't this what bartenders are for!wink

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05/22/2008

Don't feel guilty. I would not have done anything or said anything ahead of time. You don't know her and you owe her nothing other than  your regular kindness to guests. 

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10/07/2008

In person may be different than before arriving.

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Arks's picture
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05/22/2010

Madeleine wrote:

I am not good at this. I started screening my calls. I felt guilty for doing that.

Don't feel guilty. You never claimed to be or signed on to be a professional therapist. The situations you describe call for efforts above and beyond the call of duty and, as you say, you're not good at that. You shouldn't be expected to be. Do what you feel comfortable with, and don't worry about it more than that.

Signed,
Arkansawyer
Not A Professional Therapist

 

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Smiling

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10/07/2008

To me I would take it this way:

a) they are explaining why they are there alone, and want some privacy.

or b) they are explaining because they want you to acknowledge this fact.

So for me not knowing which, I would put a small card in the room with something pertinent on it from the innkeepers.

seashanty's picture
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06/02/2008

when he/she checks in i would say 'i'm sorry for your loss' ... in my experience, when someone tells you this, they want an acknowledgment.  

 

he/she may not want to be very chatty with you or other guests and this was also could be a heads up why.  or they could go the other way and have LOTS to say.  you never know.

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06/24/2008

I've had a couple that have stayed here twice now on the anniv of their son's death.  Same as Penelope's guest, they vowed to always go somewhere nice and make new memories.  They shared some good memories of their son with us as well - their idea, no prodding by us.  Just treat her kind like you do all your guests and let her lead the direction of any communication. 

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05/22/2008

Just follow their lead and be kind as you usually would. 

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02/18/2012

Think that's a good choice.

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08/04/2008

We had this happen once- all we did was be extra kind around her. She told us that she needed to make a new memory for the date so that she could move on with her life. I spent some time talking with her and simply listening. It's what she needed. She hugged me when she left and said thank you. Her daughter, who was with her (but didn't do much talking), also hugged me and thanked me for providing them with a safe place in which she could make some new memories <3

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