calls for "the owner"

Lately I've been getting a string of calls asking for "the owner." So driving home yesterday, I came up with a few responses, but haven't had a chance to try them out yet. Usually I just say that "the owner is not available, can I take a message?"
Them: May I speak to the owner?
Me: Ummm, we are a corporation so we don't have AN owner, we have shareholders and I can assure you that none of them would want to talk to you; they couldn't help you anyway, they would just refer you to the one of the corporate officers on the management team.
Them: May I speak to the owner?
Me: Are you the owner of the company you are calling for? Our owner has left specific instructions that she will only talk to the owner of your company, owner to owner, mano-a-mano so to speak.
Them: May I speak to the owner?
Me (going into crying mode): the owner? The owner is DEAD! sob sob Oh so sudden, I can't believe it! sob sob Major heart attack just yesterday! Wail!!!!
All just for fun, although the first one is actually pretty close to true.

I laugh when they ask to speak to John and when I ask if I may tell him regarding get an answer about the B & B. I laugh and say - wrong owner.

I've used the dead answer once! Had a company continually calling me and I got so I recognized his voice. I put my best academy award acting voice on, made it sound like I started crying and told the guy DH died.
He never called back again

I just hang up! dont want to waste my time coming up with a story.

Them: May I speak to the owner?
Me: The owner of what?

"May I speak to the owner?"
NO! This is the reservation number. The owner doesn't take phone calls. Bye.

I know just how you feel, when we tell them that she only comes in maybe once or twice a month to pick up her mail-they say oh we will call later...and keep calling. Now I say -Owner doesn't live here...they ask "who are you" I say "the innkeeper" they quickly hang up.
I like the second one I may have to try that next time some numchcuck calls....