Shared Bath Etiquette RANT ALERT

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seashanty's picture
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 so this is a rant ... I stayed at a b&b and took a room with a shared bath because that was the room available.

 sorry, but never again if i can help it. 

 NOT because of the setup which was lovely

 but because the other person 'sharing' the bathroom acted like it was her bathroom.  i was waiting and waiting to use the toilet, could hear water running in the sink. after 15 minutes i knocked on the door and said i was sorry but i really needed to use the bathroom. 10 minutes later she strolled out. rinsed out undies, pantyhose and a bra were strung on the shower curtain rod.  room full of steam. wet floor.  not a dry towel to be found, sopping wet towels piled in the shower stall.  makeup all over the place. dirty sneakers and clothes piled in the corner. waste basket full of trash.

it was AWFUL. 

what part of shared does she not understand?

i went downstairs to ask the innkeeper for more towels which i hid in my room.  asked if a room with private bath opened up i would take it.  (one didn't.)  she wasn't terribly sympathetic when i tried to explain and said 'well, it's a SHARED bath after all'.  i  told her i understood that but that i had to wait a long time to use the toilet and was there maybe another bathroom for me just to use the facilities ... and she showed me her back.   granted i didn't rant at her, and she didn't want to mediate between two guests .... but i won't go back there again.

it wasn't like a shared bath, it was as if the other guest was letting me use her bathroom.  same behavior in the evening.  next morning, i got up way early to shower so i could get in and out of there.

okay. end of rant.  but i'm still steaming.  angry

 

 

 

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Also I would have told off the guest - she doesn't know who I am! inn keeper may be worried about a trip adviser but if I said "sorry don't you know the etiquette of shared bathrooms? you don't hog them when someone is outside waiting! and take your fricking washing with you!" and handed it to her"

 

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people in the UK won't really even stand for a private bathroom anymore - we used to have 2 which we got rid of with the remodel of the top landing and no matter how often you told people that they had to lock them they would leave them open ie another key on their key ring so they could lock up their stuff - people used to nip into room5's all the time for a wee as they couldn't be bothered to go up a floor to their own room.

10 times less hassel to have ensuite.

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A review - IMHO No.

But should she hear from you?  IMHO - Yes Indeed!

I would email her reminding her of the incident and the conversation.  I would provide helpful ways that would have made your SB stay more pleasant like having the bath towels IN the room, with a place to hang them or wet clothes etc. 

If she was not aware of your former life, you may inform her of that as well. 

She may just brush it off like water on a duck's back but hopefully she will think that at least some of your ideas will make her innkeeping life a little less stressful. 

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Ok I am a bit different I know. But for me I would write her a note. Then explain what she could of done different.

Maybe she just didn't know how to handle it? Or it could of been a very bad day. Either way writing to her nicely will be a learning experience for her also.

You may just say your not going to write a bad review but just want to help you with a bit of wise wisdom. You may want to be very brave and tell her you are an inn keeper. Your thoughts just may help her. Give her some ideas  in how she may avoide this from happing again..

 I see this morning Copperhead agrees with me. So I guess I am not far off the mark.

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Madeleine's picture
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I could go either way. No review if the problem wasn't brought to the innkeeper's attention for handling. But. It was and it wasn't handled.

Ss had to ask for towels. She had to ask for a backup solution. She was treated poorly. The innkeeper didn't even indicate she would try to speak with the other guest.

It doesn't even sound like she listened to the problem.

We deal with crap, it's our job. Then we come here and gripe about crap but not a single one of us let's the guest down in such a deliberate fashion.

Maybe we can't give the guest what they want but we do sympathize and listen.

And I bet had this innkeeper offered the least compassion ss wouldn't be quite as peeved.

The story would have been about the piggy guest and how the innkeeper was so understanding and helpful.

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Madeleine wrote:

I could go either way. No review if the problem wasn't brought to the innkeeper's attention for handling. But. It was and it wasn't handled.

Ss had to ask for towels. She had to ask for a backup solution. She was treated poorly. The innkeeper didn't even indicate she would try to speak with the other guest.

It doesn't even sound like she listened to the problem.

We deal with crap, it's our job. Then we come here and gripe about crap but not a single one of us let's the guest down in such a deliberate fashion.

Maybe we can't give the guest what they want but we do sympathize and listen.

And I bet had this innkeeper offered the least compassion ss wouldn't be quite as peeved.

The story would have been about the piggy guest and how the innkeeper was so understanding and helpful.

So we have to publicly review? 

I am not doubting SS experiences. I don't want her to think that at all. She is the real deal.

I do know things are emotionally driven. Just ask my husband. Something can feel like the end of the world to me and he doesn't understand what the big deal is. Like that rotten guest calling the building dept and health dept on us - I was overwhelmed by that, it was water on a duck's back to him (and he is the one dealing with the building/reno/maintenance side of the inn). We had already passed muster with both, so I was "feeling it" much more than he was. But then I WAS THE ONE who dealt with the bully guests.

Maybe the rude girls were her bosses daughters are something, whotheheckknows. Maybe she just lost her dear mother and this didn't really phase her, but she had to keep on going because she had rooms booked in (for those who have had this happen you understand how it is) or maybe she just didn't care. I will give her option 3, being a poor innkeeper. 

In other news does her TA site show she is a poor careless innkeeper? We don't know and won't know, only SS can answer that.

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Madeleine's picture
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I guess it's because when I have a bad day I get a bad review. Sure, I have avoided writing reviews about all the problems we have encountered but I have never referred a single person to those places. All of them here in my state.

Emailing and telling the innkeeper how I think she should have handled the issue gets into "how to run your business" territory and we all know how that works out. At least for me.

Maybe then an email stating what happened, how it was handled and then stating because it wasn't handled ss does not see herself referring to this place in the future and she thought it was better to say so in an email than online.

But it was poorly done and why does the innkeeper get a pass on that? If we can rave when things are well done we should be able to complain when they're not.

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Madeleine wrote:

I guess it's because when I have a bad day I get a bad review. Sure, I have avoided writing reviews about all the problems we have encountered but I have never referred a single person to those places. All of them here in my state.

Emailing and telling the innkeeper how I think she should have handled the issue gets into "how to run your business" territory and we all know how that works out. At least for me.

Maybe then an email stating what happened, how it was handled and then stating because it wasn't handled ss does not see herself referring to this place in the future and she thought it was better to say so in an email than online.

But it was poorly done and why does the innkeeper get a pass on that? If we can rave when things are well done we should be able to complain when they're not.

This is my personal standard. I don't write neg reviews of other innkeepers. I may do as SS did here and discuss it, what could they have done better and how they handled it. It is a code for me personally. I have stayed at some places I felt could have done and should have done a lot more in various departments.

Call it the brotherhood of the apron, or whatever. I think it is a low blow to do so. But chat away about the issues, I think is healthy discussion - who knows maybe that innkeeper is here and doesn't reveal themselves, or maybe there is another here with shared bath who never realized a problem such as this existed because "well no one has ever complained, so everything is dandy"

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Madeleine wrote:

 

In other news does her TA site show she is a poor careless innkeeper? We don't know and won't know, only SS can answer that.

 

Good point.  Is this a one time thing or a well known dynamic?  

There is an inn in this town with a series of TA reviews about how the innkeeper gets drunk and mean.   And the cops have to be called.   If I were looking for a place and noticed several reviews about a mean drunk innkeeper, I might steer clear.  If I saw one, I might invite the guy to have a cocktail with us.    jk, but you get the drift.

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TheBeachHouse wrote:

 

<strike>Madeleine</strike>&nbsp;Joey Bloggs<strike> wrote:

 

In other news does her TA site show she is a poor careless innkeeper? We don't know and won't know, only SS can answer that.

 

Good point.  Is this a one time thing or a well known dynamic?  

There is an inn in this town with a series of TA reviews about how the innkeeper gets drunk and mean.   And the cops have to be called.   If I were looking for a place and noticed several reviews about a mean drunk innkeeper, I might steer clear.  If I saw one, I might invite the guy to have a cocktail with us.    jk, but you get the drift.

Hey that was MY quote~ ha

Can you imagine a drunk innkeeper? Guests tell us wacky stories all the time. This forum is above par on everything!

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Joey Bloggs wrote:

TheBeachHouse wrote:

 

<strike>Madeleine</strike>&nbsp;Joey Bloggs<strike> wrote:

 

In other news does her TA site show she is a poor careless innkeeper? We don't know and won't know, only SS can answer that.

 

Good point.  Is this a one time thing or a well known dynamic?  

There is an inn in this town with a series of TA reviews about how the innkeeper gets drunk and mean.   And the cops have to be called.   If I were looking for a place and noticed several reviews about a mean drunk innkeeper, I might steer clear.  If I saw one, I might invite the guy to have a cocktail with us.    jk, but you get the drift.

Hey that was MY quote~ ha

Can you imagine a drunk innkeeper? Guests tell us wacky stories all the time. This forum is above par on everything!

 

In one review, the reviewer wrote that the cops told him, "yeah, he gets that way when he drinks."   Like they totally were familiar with the problem.

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Joey Bloggs wrote:

TheBeachHouse wrote:

 

Joey Bloggs wrote:

 

In other news does her TA site show she is a poor careless innkeeper? We don't know and won't know, only SS can answer that.

 

Good point.  Is this a one time thing or a well known dynamic?  

There is an inn in this town with a series of TA reviews about how the innkeeper gets drunk and mean.   And the cops have to be called.   If I were looking for a place and noticed several reviews about a mean drunk innkeeper, I might steer clear.  If I saw one, I might invite the guy to have a cocktail with us.    jk, but you get the drift.

Hey that was MY quote~ ha

Can you imagine a drunk innkeeper? Guests tell us wacky stories all the time. This forum is above par on everything!

 

oops.   As you can see, computer code is not my best thing.  LOL

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update:  i didn't write a review.

yes, the problem originated with the entitled guest 'sharing' the bath.

however, the innkeeper made me feel like second class ... i didn't book a bargain room and then try for more than i paid for. i took that room as the only one available.  but i did not anticipate having to wait over 1/2 hour in the middle of the day just to use the 'facilities' only to discover the other guest was using the sink as a wash basin.  the innkeeper's attitude by turning her back on me when i tried to explain my urgent need was rude and a put down.

her response was basically you get what you pay for.  true - but does she routinely treat those who book the ultra-expensive suite better than those who book the small rooms with shared bath?  i do think so in her case. 

as an innkeeper i had rooms with private baths and shared baths and did have to do the uncomfortable occasional mediation when we had a guest who took over that shared amenity. it's part of the job. i hope i didn't make anyone feel they deserved more or less based on their room rate.

as i say, no review ... but i won't go back. 

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You know what, my best room is SB. But I treat all my guests equally badly... okay, bad joke... equally wonderfully. Those who have a small room and pay less get treated as those who have a grand room and pay more and those who have a PB as well. I don't think how you are treated should be measured by how much you pay. A small room is great for people who live in Paris, NY or London but not for others. But it's a great way for those on a limited budget to get all the grandeur of the house, the breakfast, the neighbourhood and us.

This is a case where the innkeeper should know better. I'm not sure a review is the place to do it, but they should know that a little intervention goes a long way to alleviating a situation.

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Write the review!!!  You will be fair but other guests need to know what to expect from their innkeeper.  Let the innkeeper deal with her end in a management response.

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So we are like the Red Queen? (I think it was her rather than the White) We say about the innkeeper - Off with her head! We have no idea what she may have had happen that day (or week) - who or what she may have had to deal with. She may have just had the witches that dissed SS's B & B so she could hear it. Perhaps it was Madame Bathroom Hog who upset her (or threatened a bad review).

I am truly sorry for the way SS was treated and wish we could collectively kick the butt of the hog but I am not ready to say - Hang 'er high! I know what it is to have to deal with things that happen and how easy it is to feel like what else can go wrong or happen. Days when walking in front of a Mack truck (or sitting in a cell) sound like the perfect solution. I am for just saying crap happened, most times I am the statue and I just would not return.

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Silverspoon wrote:

Write the review!!!  You will be fair but other guests need to know what to expect from their innkeeper.  Let the innkeeper deal with her end in a management response.

I still don't think you should. I think we need to stand by our innkeepers, unless they really tick us off! Stuff happens, we have no idea what happened that day... no excuses, but stuff happens. LIKE THOSE BAD GUESTS maybe that was the last straw for her.

Just sayin'

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sorry you had to experience that ..but she needs a review from you!

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EmptyNest wrote:

sorry you had to experience that ..but she needs a review from you!

 

I agree.  No one else should have to endure that type of behavior. I'm sorry that you did.  And as someone else suggested, I think I would have pulled the other guest's crap out of the bathroom and put it on the floor outside the bathroom.

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We've stayed in B&Bs a couple of times with shared bathroom, but the towels have always been in the bedroom.

Shared bathroom doesn't mean shared towels as well. Yuk!!!

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I used to have the towels in each room in the dressers and told guests the towels were there. Too often, they would forget to take their towels - so I have 3 sets on the towel bar of the - crap cannot think of what the darn antique thing is - and a basket of rolled towels as extras.  Anyway, there are beaucoup towels, bath sheets, wash rags, and hand towels.

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Dang! Why did you not post this while you were there? You know we would have been all over that situation with helpful passive aggressive retaliations!

Like -

Tossing all of her clothes in with the dirty towels.

Packing all of her stuff up in a single plastic bag and parking it outside her door.

I like the idea of leaving random undies in the shower for her to find but I would have gone with a jock strap and really huge bvds.

Last but worst - don't flush overnight. Even better if you're not feeling well.

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How about an unwrapped condom in the shower  surprise  lmao... haha  I crack myself up!

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So the problem wasn't the shared bath, but actually the inconsiderate sharer. 

Honestly, from the situation of someone who has shared bath, it happens from time to time that someone inconsiderate will take a shared bath, but thankfully it's highly unusual. In our case we generally have a way around this problem because there are multiple baths/WCs, but we have had to step in a couple of times with some light remarks, like reminding a guest to leave the bathroom the way they would like others to leave it and to take their towels and toiletries with them. 

Only time we have really ever had to step into it was some girls who took every bathroom at the same time and we had to be specific that they could not do that. But out setup lends itself to that. 

The innkeeper should have been able to remind the guest of the etiquette. But also the innkeeper should have extra hair dryers and the such so that people don't have to do their hair in the bathroom, etc. We try to keep bathrooms as clean as possible and as clear as possible.

PS: I keep the towels in the guest rooms for that reason. I would have asked her to move her personal items and if I had to, move them myself to her room. But to be 100% honest, I have NEVER had this happen in my shared bath. Maybe it's because people realize that I won't accept it?

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Jon Sable wrote:

So the problem wasn't the shared bath, but actually the inconsiderate sharer. 

Agreed.

Unfortunately this is why we don't want to be around people anymore...people are people.

Please SS don't write a neg review because of a guest being horrible. That wouldn't be fair. 

When i stayed at a lovely inn years ago in Townsville Queensland before opening our own inn, there was a shared bath and two separate w/c for each bath, and to be honest I think I was the only one ever in the bathroom, people were super nice and would dart in and out. I did appreciate that! 

But, this was in a place where people knew how to behave with shared baths. The sink was in the room, each room. Our room was an old WW2 operating theatre and really neat, so it was a give and take at this place (now a private home).

This was also the place the son would get grilled by the guests about living at a B&B. The only child and whenever they saw him they grilled him. I always remember that, and how the kids need to be separate from the inn or will grow up hating not only the inn but the parents too.

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It's also about the innkeeper, because there are things that the innkeeper can do that clearly would have helped, like keeping the towels in the bedroom and ensuring that there wasn't a space that you could clearly leave things or leave things hanging. And having specific places for hanging things in the room that clearly signal to the guest that they aren't to leave things in the shared bath. I've rarely had guests leave even their wet towels in there, because there is clearly a space to hang them in the bedroom.

Funny thing is, our favourite guests are usually the shared bath guests. But it could also be related to who we market to and who chooses those rooms. 

A few days ago I got a call from someone asking for any 4 nights together during the the two months... answer? Next year, sorry. 

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Joey Bloggs wrote:

Jon Sable wrote:

So the problem wasn't the shared bath, but actually the inconsiderate sharer. 

Agreed.

Unfortunately this is why we don't want to be around people anymore...people are people.

Please SS don't write a neg review because of a guest being horrible. That wouldn't be fair. 

.

 

The review wouldn't be about the guest so much as the innkeeper's indifference.

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TheBeachHouse wrote:

Joey Bloggs wrote:

Jon Sable wrote:

So the problem wasn't the shared bath, but actually the inconsiderate sharer. 

Agreed.

Unfortunately this is why we don't want to be around people anymore...people are people.

Please SS don't write a neg review because of a guest being horrible. That wouldn't be fair. 

.

 

The review wouldn't be about the guest so much as the innkeeper's indifference.

Sheesh if we had a dime every time an innkeeper was indifferent! haha

I remember the gal who thought DH was acting weird when he said "Oh are you alone?" as he was holding the door open and thought someone was coming around the porch with luggage. I was there, I heard the tone and yet (she was alone) and felt a strange whatever by his comment. He was only asking because he was holding the door wide open and the a/c was on and he was going to close it. I wish people would not write reviews based on feelings.

What I am saying is that the incident of the horrible guest prompted SS to go to the innkeeper. Not a reason to write a neg review. Lord help us if that starts to happen!

I had a guest (repeat) put her hand up and do a countdown this morning, "Number 1" she said "If you find anyone who..." and then next finger "Number 2" she said "If you hear about any..." and so on to #4. Like I was a 10 year old. It really rubbed me the wrong way. This gal gets $25 off her room ($50 for two nights), never leaves a tip and has a check list of things she wants me to keep an eye out for her?

Sorry, just sneaking in my own rant here. No harm no foul right? cool

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What kind of things are you having to "keep an eye out for her?"

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Kay Nein wrote:

What kind of things are you having to "keep an eye out for her?"

You really want to know? Here are a few verbatim

If there is a young person who can come out weekly to mow and weed whack her family plot. Not someone who lives far enough they have to drive, or it would not be financially feasible. NOTE (No, it is not here in town btw)

If there is a "Sears house" that is quaint and in not too bad of disrepair on 5+ or more acres because she wants to buy one and have horses and one goat. But she doesn't want a big house to upkeep, so a sears house would be perfect. She could then make it into a quaint cottage of sorts.

dot dot dot

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 the ones who get the discounts never leaves tips!

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We have one 'down the hall' bath but it is private - dedicated to only one room.  People have used it anyway.  

The PO had an envelope pushpinned to the door saying it was for the private use of room x.  We took that off thinking it looked cheap.   People started using the room.  So we put a real sign on the door that says, "Private."   The door remains closed.

People do make themselves at home.  Sure, we encourage them to, but we don't mean like that!

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Sorry SS!  I bet that innkeeper has heard it from so many she lets it roll off her shoulders instead of trying to make sure everyone is considerate.

With shared baths being less the norm these days it may be wise for those with one to hang a sign with SHARED BATH ETIQUETTE 

 

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seashanty wrote:

 so this is a rant ... I stayed at a b&b and took a room with a shared bath because that was the room available.

 sorry, but never again if i can help it. 

 NOT because of the setup which was lovely

 but because the other person 'sharing' the bathroom acted like it was her bathroom.  i was waiting and waiting to use the toilet, could hear water running in the sink. after 15 minutes i knocked on the door and said i was sorry but i really needed to use the bathroom. 10 minutes later she strolled out. rinsed out undies, pantyhose and a bra were strung on the shower curtain rod.  room full of steam. wet floor.  not a dry towel to be found, sopping wet towels piled in the shower stall.  makeup all over the place. dirty sneakers and clothes piled in the corner. waste basket full of trash.

it was AWFUL. 

what part of shared does she not understand?

i went downstairs to ask the innkeeper for more towels which i hid in my room.  asked if a room with private bath opened up i would take it.  (one didn't.)  she wasn't terribly sympathetic when i tried to explain and said 'well, it's a SHARED bath after all'.  i  told her i understood that but that i had to wait a long time to use the toilet and was there maybe another bathroom for me just to use the facilities ... and she showed me her back.   granted i didn't rant at her, and she didn't want to mediate between two guests .... but i won't go back there again.

it wasn't like a shared bath, it was as if the other guest was letting me use her bathroom.  same behavior in the evening.  next morning, i got up way early to shower so i could get in and out of there.

okay. end of rant.  but i'm still steaming.  angry

 

are you going to write a review?

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We have two rooms with a Jack and Jill bath.  We immediately took the bed out of one of the rooms and replaced it with a pull out couch.  We book the room as a two room suite only.  No shared.

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I might say, IF you have a shared bath, make bath etiquette part of the intro speech along with no smoking, breakfast is at 8, checkout is at 11, and since you are sharing a bath, you will want to keep your personal property in your room and please be respectful of the other couple.

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  seriously, opening a place now i would avoid them at all costs.  we started out with some and they were so hard to book!  added bathrooms and the occupancy shot through the roof. 

 even if folks are respectful and nice, when you pay for a room you want to be able to use the toilet when you need to ... not stand in the hallway doing the pee pee dance. 

 i should've picked up a pair of enormous old lady undies and bra at the local store, soaked 'em and hung those over the shower rod. cool

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seashanty wrote:

  seriously, opening a place now i would avoid them at all costs.  we started out with some and they were so hard to book!  added bathrooms and the occupancy shot through the roof. 

 even if folks are respectful and nice, when you pay for a room you want to be able to use the toilet when you need to ... not stand in the hallway doing the pee pee dance. 

 

The issue, as is always the issue is that people won't tell you these problems. I wouldn't, I would just suck it up. This is why many shared bathrooms over seas have toilets and bathrooms separate. I have that in my own bathroom here now, after a major remodel. Toilet is never in the bathroom.

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Thankful for WCs. Don't know why we put it all together anyway.

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Jon Sable wrote:

Thankful for WCs. Don't know why we put it all together anyway.

Cheaper.

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Waiting for the McDonald's DIY Big Mac. All the ingredients tossed in the bag. Cheaper!

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I'm so sorry SS that that person was so disrespectful. Even worse was the attitude you received from the innkeeper!

Aspiring innkeepers out there and I know there are many.....do you hear this? DO NOT THINK THAT A SHARED BATH IS OK AS YOU CREATE YOUR NEW B&B!!!

PERIOD!

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 holy c**p - a thunder mug!!?  sorry, i could not resist.  smiley 

you guys are the best!  i feel better now. 

 $45 dollar difference which i would have gladly paid. 

the rates were all over the place ... lowest was $149 all the way up to something like $429 for a suite (all booked! ... it's summer rate time!) 

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We do have the shared bath but I would NOT have ignored that behavior in my house. We have been fortunate (to date) to have only people respectful of others. I admit that whenever possible, I make the shared bath a private. When I have long-term they are in one of the rooms that are shared - and IF I get another reservation for the other room I have the courtesy to inform the long-term that they will be sharing the bathroom for whatever the stay.

(When we had 3 with shared, I had thunder mugs (with lids) under the bed or dresser in each room for "emergencies" - and they are still in the rooms.)

Kay Nein's picture
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02/13/2012

Thunder Mugs?  Emergencies?  WHAT?!?

gillumhouse's picture
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05/22/2008

Hast thou never heard of chamber pots? Thunder mug is another name for it.

Kay Nein's picture
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02/13/2012

Eeewww, no, really?  I'd rather the guest was dancing in the hall than shoving a urine filled container under the bed.  And you have to empty that?  Hell to the No.  (just sayin')

gillumhouse's picture
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05/22/2008

First off, in the old days before indoor plumbing, that was the night-time option to going down the garden path. Mine all have lids, and only once in all my time (10 years of 3 with shared) did it ever get used. The user emptied it  and told me it had been used. I routinely did (and still do in case of a "joker") check for being used. Prefer that to a puddle. Most people thought they were cute decor. I always referred to them as "emergency facilities".

Personally, I would prefer a thunder mug to busting a gut. But I grew up with the walk to down the garden path so i guess country girls see things differently from city folks - and that is not meant as a slam, just saying'.

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01/12/2013

gillumhouse wrote:

First off, in the old days before indoor plumbing, that was the night-time option to going down the garden path. Mine all have lids, and only once in all my time (10 years of 3 with shared) did it ever get used. The user emptied it  and told me it had been used. I routinely did (and still do in case of a "joker") check for being used. Prefer that to a puddle. Most people thought they were cute decor. I always referred to them as "emergency facilities".

Personally, I would prefer a thunder mug to busting a gut. But I grew up with the walk to down the garden path so i guess country girls see things differently from city folks - and that is not meant as a slam, just saying'.

I would totally use one!

Kay Nein's picture
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02/13/2012

wink

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