ThinnKeepers
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- Apr 30, 2016
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Once upon a warm, Florida holiday season.......
All the warm fuzzies of Christmas overflow and the New Year approaching are in the air... one suite will remain empty due to a cancellation but no matter, because love is in the air! Everything is perfect and your holiday guests are absolutely amazing! It's all so perfect... too perfect.
The phone rings, desperation in each chime. You can feel it.
"Please tell me you have a room for 3 nights through New Years day! You're our only hope!"
Ah, she sounds lovely! You get to be the hero! AND it's holiday rates! You're AHHHH-Mazing! "We actually DO have one left because of a cancellation!" You almost sing it into the phone, your guests ears perk up, excitement that your fun New Year's weekend group would soon grow!
"OH THANK GOD!" You both giggle and secretly think of how this story will bond you in friendship for years to come. Your other guests get excited to add another couple to the festivities! And then,
"Now I see here it says you can't accommodate children, but please tell me you can make an exception for us, right?"
A tad deflated you reply, "Actually, our rooms only sleep 2. We don't do cots or rollaways or air mattresses here and that suite only has a queen bed. And since we do cater to and specialize in couples retreats and getaways, our other guests are couples looking for a quiet vacation. Plus we don't have anything fun for kids to do here. I'm so terribly sorry!"
"But we have sleeping bags! Please, everywhere is full and we will be stranded!"
And there's that love-filled air again. The smell of cocoa and cookies clouding all judgment. Your guests are leaning in to listen, wanting you to give in as well. Mouthing to you "how old are the kids?" So you ask the question, immediately regretting it. "How old are your children?"
"Two girls, 5 and 8. They're very well-traveled, well-behaved and we will be forever indebted to you and your guests! Do you take American Express?"
Everyone feels like a hero. Awwww, it's ok! We've helped our fellow human! Hip hip hooray! For we're some jolly good fellows! You get the point..... {fast forward to check in}
18 min after check in "Can you please put those chocolate wrappers in the trash, not in the couch cushions? Thank you!"
19 min after check in "Oh no, here's a napkin! Don't wipe chocolate on the drapes, ok? Thank you!"
20 min after check in "Please don't stand on the furniture, thank you"
21 min after check in "Please don't take the decorations off the bookshelves, thank you"
23 min after check in "Please don't throw things off the balcony, thank you"
25 min after check in "Please don't hang on the shower curtain, thank you"
30 min after check in "I'm sorry, you have to have an adult with you to go into the pool, you're only 5... yes I'm serious... Even if your dad said it's ok, I'm sorry... Um, where IS your dad?"
45 min after check in {throw back shot of unspecified liquor behind locked door of the innkeeper's suite}
The rest of the night does not bode much better. The cocoa and cookie aroma of love in the air has faded into the smell of someone needing a pull-up accident changed... and soon! {fast forward past the nightmare breakfast, where our other guests opted to wait until our sweet family had left the property to partake in their breakfast}
A beautiful Florida afternoon filled with sunshine and warm breezes can heal a lot of wounds. You all laugh at how a group of big hearts can be guilted into making exceptions to rules that exist for many reasons. Peer pressure and the holidays are an intoxicating combination! Your very fun guests assure you that had they not encouraged you to help your fellow human, they know you would have stuck to your guns and not put their couples vacations in jeopardy, so you feel a little better. They still love you! *Phew!* . . . But wait. How did the huge antique Santa in his sleigh end up on the other side of the living room? And who moved all the decorations around? And how did the miniature tree get broken? No one's been in here... How did the night lights all change outlets? What is going on???
And soon, they return... because their belongings are in the suite where a shower curtain barely survived and dolls with missing heads lay frightened inside Hello Kitty sleeping bags awaiting the return of their owners. You and your troopers gather the noise makers and hats and secure them in random drawers until midnight, for fear they would disappear into tiny hands that would use them for ill purpose throughout the night and you would all be without your midnight accessories needed to properly ring in 2017!
It's 7pm. The family descends on the inn. The other adults disperse - at record speed. All except you. How do they disappear so fast? How do they make your husband disappear just as fast?! The 60 month old takes a seat at the couch, immediately interested in your groups recently abandoned Hallmark Holiday movie. Her father and sister head up to bed. Her mother gets up 2 steps, turns and says, "Are you coming to bed?" Every cell in your body freezes. Did she just ask the 60 month old IF she was going.....
You are frozen behind your rolltop desk, hidden from view, waiting with baited breath. A small voice delivers a simple "no." Your eyes fall out of your face.
Mom says, "Ok" and disappears to bed.
And then, you die. In your best Charlie Chaplin, you mouth an entire speech, hands flailing, hair standing at all ends, "WHAT?! What do you mean 'NO?" How old are you? Who's the parent? Are you out of your mind? What am I? Daycare? You have got to be kidding me! If you were MY kid......" But mom is long gone. And you, well... You are ready to give the performance of a lifetime.
You emerge from your desk, make your way to the couch and approach the miniature human glued to the tv with her doll in a choke hold. "Whatcha doing?"
The short one gives a sigh, "I'm a bit of a night owl." Are you kidding me kid?
"Oh really?"
"Yep. I came down while you were sleeping last night and found your house where you sleep. Your door was locked. I was looking for your kitty cat. I couldn't find her."
There's got to be duct tape around here somewhere.... "Is that so? You didn't happen to move all of these things in my living room around and drag that heavy Santa across the floor did you?"
"Maybe"
Maybe? Maybe I can use Christmas lights as rope since the duct tape is missing... "So are you going to bed then?"
"No I'm staying here and watching this."
"Ok, well then I'm going to need you to sit way back on that couch and put your feet up. You know it's going to be really cold in Florida tonight!"
"I already know that, that's why we have extra blankets."
"Well when it gets cold here, I have to let the alligators in so they can sleep. Their favorite sleeping spot is on the carpet right under your feet. And since they love feet, they might chew on yours if you let them dangle. So I'm gonna need you to sit way back and grab a pillow and get comfy before I let them in ok?"
The look you get is dazed and confused, but the message is definitely received. The tiny feet slowly retract. You say, "thanks" and add lightly, "oh, and you might want to leave Santa and all the other things where they are. Gators get cranky when you move things around," and then you retreat to the rolltop where out of your peripheral you enjoy the paranoid looks of a suddenly silent and less opinionated small person checking the carpets for visitors with teeth. Fortunately, mom reappears, orders the small person to bed with a "do not make me count to 3, young lady" and although short stack's response is "shut up, you're stupid! I hope the alligator eats your feet!" to her mother, the tiny person runs up the stairs and disappears for the night... Almost...
Magically, your adult comrades reappear shortly after with champagne, noise makers, hats, tiaras and most importantly, BIG smiles! You all head down to the dock with blankets and ring in the new year with laughter, fun, stories and champagne. You count it down to midnight the old-fashioned way: No television, no radio, just a watch. You're surrounded by fireworks launching up and down the river, spraying vibrant color bursts over the water, as you break out in Auld Lang Syne in unison and, quite surprisingly, in tune! You've made new, life-long friends and together vow to spend all New Year's Eve's together at the inn every year forward... and also vow to hold fast to your policies... No children at the couples only inn!
(And even though she does try to make her way downstairs at 3:48am, you are ready at the bottom of the stairs with a stern look and a serious warning, "If you wake up my alligators, they're going to want breakfast WAY to early and I'm not ready to cook yet! They'll want to chew on something until breakfast is ready.... Better get back to bed!" Bye bye Half Pint!)
Happy 2017 my fellow amazing InnKeeps!
**For the record: I do not dislike children. I love kids. I do have a very high tolerance/ceiling for people in general. I DO have a dislike of disrespectful children. I DO blame their parents 100% for allowing it.
All the warm fuzzies of Christmas overflow and the New Year approaching are in the air... one suite will remain empty due to a cancellation but no matter, because love is in the air! Everything is perfect and your holiday guests are absolutely amazing! It's all so perfect... too perfect.
The phone rings, desperation in each chime. You can feel it.
"Please tell me you have a room for 3 nights through New Years day! You're our only hope!"
Ah, she sounds lovely! You get to be the hero! AND it's holiday rates! You're AHHHH-Mazing! "We actually DO have one left because of a cancellation!" You almost sing it into the phone, your guests ears perk up, excitement that your fun New Year's weekend group would soon grow!
"OH THANK GOD!" You both giggle and secretly think of how this story will bond you in friendship for years to come. Your other guests get excited to add another couple to the festivities! And then,
"Now I see here it says you can't accommodate children, but please tell me you can make an exception for us, right?"
A tad deflated you reply, "Actually, our rooms only sleep 2. We don't do cots or rollaways or air mattresses here and that suite only has a queen bed. And since we do cater to and specialize in couples retreats and getaways, our other guests are couples looking for a quiet vacation. Plus we don't have anything fun for kids to do here. I'm so terribly sorry!"
"But we have sleeping bags! Please, everywhere is full and we will be stranded!"
And there's that love-filled air again. The smell of cocoa and cookies clouding all judgment. Your guests are leaning in to listen, wanting you to give in as well. Mouthing to you "how old are the kids?" So you ask the question, immediately regretting it. "How old are your children?"
"Two girls, 5 and 8. They're very well-traveled, well-behaved and we will be forever indebted to you and your guests! Do you take American Express?"
Everyone feels like a hero. Awwww, it's ok! We've helped our fellow human! Hip hip hooray! For we're some jolly good fellows! You get the point..... {fast forward to check in}
18 min after check in "Can you please put those chocolate wrappers in the trash, not in the couch cushions? Thank you!"
19 min after check in "Oh no, here's a napkin! Don't wipe chocolate on the drapes, ok? Thank you!"
20 min after check in "Please don't stand on the furniture, thank you"
21 min after check in "Please don't take the decorations off the bookshelves, thank you"
23 min after check in "Please don't throw things off the balcony, thank you"
25 min after check in "Please don't hang on the shower curtain, thank you"
30 min after check in "I'm sorry, you have to have an adult with you to go into the pool, you're only 5... yes I'm serious... Even if your dad said it's ok, I'm sorry... Um, where IS your dad?"
45 min after check in {throw back shot of unspecified liquor behind locked door of the innkeeper's suite}
The rest of the night does not bode much better. The cocoa and cookie aroma of love in the air has faded into the smell of someone needing a pull-up accident changed... and soon! {fast forward past the nightmare breakfast, where our other guests opted to wait until our sweet family had left the property to partake in their breakfast}
A beautiful Florida afternoon filled with sunshine and warm breezes can heal a lot of wounds. You all laugh at how a group of big hearts can be guilted into making exceptions to rules that exist for many reasons. Peer pressure and the holidays are an intoxicating combination! Your very fun guests assure you that had they not encouraged you to help your fellow human, they know you would have stuck to your guns and not put their couples vacations in jeopardy, so you feel a little better. They still love you! *Phew!* . . . But wait. How did the huge antique Santa in his sleigh end up on the other side of the living room? And who moved all the decorations around? And how did the miniature tree get broken? No one's been in here... How did the night lights all change outlets? What is going on???
And soon, they return... because their belongings are in the suite where a shower curtain barely survived and dolls with missing heads lay frightened inside Hello Kitty sleeping bags awaiting the return of their owners. You and your troopers gather the noise makers and hats and secure them in random drawers until midnight, for fear they would disappear into tiny hands that would use them for ill purpose throughout the night and you would all be without your midnight accessories needed to properly ring in 2017!
It's 7pm. The family descends on the inn. The other adults disperse - at record speed. All except you. How do they disappear so fast? How do they make your husband disappear just as fast?! The 60 month old takes a seat at the couch, immediately interested in your groups recently abandoned Hallmark Holiday movie. Her father and sister head up to bed. Her mother gets up 2 steps, turns and says, "Are you coming to bed?" Every cell in your body freezes. Did she just ask the 60 month old IF she was going.....
You are frozen behind your rolltop desk, hidden from view, waiting with baited breath. A small voice delivers a simple "no." Your eyes fall out of your face.
Mom says, "Ok" and disappears to bed.
And then, you die. In your best Charlie Chaplin, you mouth an entire speech, hands flailing, hair standing at all ends, "WHAT?! What do you mean 'NO?" How old are you? Who's the parent? Are you out of your mind? What am I? Daycare? You have got to be kidding me! If you were MY kid......" But mom is long gone. And you, well... You are ready to give the performance of a lifetime.
You emerge from your desk, make your way to the couch and approach the miniature human glued to the tv with her doll in a choke hold. "Whatcha doing?"
The short one gives a sigh, "I'm a bit of a night owl." Are you kidding me kid?
"Oh really?"
"Yep. I came down while you were sleeping last night and found your house where you sleep. Your door was locked. I was looking for your kitty cat. I couldn't find her."
There's got to be duct tape around here somewhere.... "Is that so? You didn't happen to move all of these things in my living room around and drag that heavy Santa across the floor did you?"
"Maybe"
Maybe? Maybe I can use Christmas lights as rope since the duct tape is missing... "So are you going to bed then?"
"No I'm staying here and watching this."
"Ok, well then I'm going to need you to sit way back on that couch and put your feet up. You know it's going to be really cold in Florida tonight!"
"I already know that, that's why we have extra blankets."
"Well when it gets cold here, I have to let the alligators in so they can sleep. Their favorite sleeping spot is on the carpet right under your feet. And since they love feet, they might chew on yours if you let them dangle. So I'm gonna need you to sit way back and grab a pillow and get comfy before I let them in ok?"
The look you get is dazed and confused, but the message is definitely received. The tiny feet slowly retract. You say, "thanks" and add lightly, "oh, and you might want to leave Santa and all the other things where they are. Gators get cranky when you move things around," and then you retreat to the rolltop where out of your peripheral you enjoy the paranoid looks of a suddenly silent and less opinionated small person checking the carpets for visitors with teeth. Fortunately, mom reappears, orders the small person to bed with a "do not make me count to 3, young lady" and although short stack's response is "shut up, you're stupid! I hope the alligator eats your feet!" to her mother, the tiny person runs up the stairs and disappears for the night... Almost...
Magically, your adult comrades reappear shortly after with champagne, noise makers, hats, tiaras and most importantly, BIG smiles! You all head down to the dock with blankets and ring in the new year with laughter, fun, stories and champagne. You count it down to midnight the old-fashioned way: No television, no radio, just a watch. You're surrounded by fireworks launching up and down the river, spraying vibrant color bursts over the water, as you break out in Auld Lang Syne in unison and, quite surprisingly, in tune! You've made new, life-long friends and together vow to spend all New Year's Eve's together at the inn every year forward... and also vow to hold fast to your policies... No children at the couples only inn!
(And even though she does try to make her way downstairs at 3:48am, you are ready at the bottom of the stairs with a stern look and a serious warning, "If you wake up my alligators, they're going to want breakfast WAY to early and I'm not ready to cook yet! They'll want to chew on something until breakfast is ready.... Better get back to bed!" Bye bye Half Pint!)
**For the record: I do not dislike children. I love kids. I do have a very high tolerance/ceiling for people in general. I DO have a dislike of disrespectful children. I DO blame their parents 100% for allowing it.
