Dennisthemenace
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While searching the web in a spare moment, I found this excellent website and a request for a Bed and Breakfast poem - so here we are, and good to find you.
My wife and I have been "playing" Bed & Breakfast for almost ten years now in the highlands of Scotland - in between seasons I get time to write my poetry and keep myself amused with subject matter that makes me smile...and hopefully you too.
Below is my poem about the differences between being a B&B and being a Hotel - I will always be amazed at how many folk expect exactly the same service when they are in YOUR HOME.
Bed and Breakfast Guide for Scotland
Well, because we're not a hotel - and you've never B&B'd,
here's some tips when you're in Scotland that will help you to succeed.
And the first thing you must understand, no matter where you roam,
there’s a fundamental difference between a HOTEL AND A HOME.
As you’ll be dealing with the owners, not just someone from the rear,
and you’d best be kind and friendly or you're OUT UPON YOUR EAR.
And, because we're not a hotel – TAKE DEPOSITS? Answer, “yup.”
Brings us revenue in winter and ensures that you'll turn up.
And you’re bound to know our climates wet, while yours is very warm,
so be sure to walk upon our paths and NEVER ON THE LAWN.
And the reason you might wonder, why the Scottish really cares
It’s because our grass has sticky mud; you’ll TRAPSE ALL UP OUR STAIRS.
And, because we're not a hotel – there’ll be shopping to be done,
so don't turn up on our doorstep to come in at HALF PAST ONE.
As we have to change the beds and clean, to make it nice for you
And so we're busy “making ready” and not done TILL AFTER TWO.
Instead, please make the most of things and plan the day before
as we need some time to call our own - we're yours JUST AFTER FOUR.
And, because we're not a hotel - we will wave you off each day,
as we’re off to have OUR BREAKFAST, just as soon as you're away.
That's how we keep the prices down and pass it on to you,
by taking time to plan our day, to do what we must do.
We've such a lot of things to clean, once you are out the door,
so if you can, we'd like you GONE - BY TEN or JUST BEFORE.
And, because we're not a hotel - we might ASK THE NIGHT BEFORE
what you'd like cooked for your breakfast and the time you'd like it for.
It makes such sense and helps us, but we hate it when you sulk,
but it saves on waste, to cook it fresh - than store it hot in bulk.
And when you see our bowl of fruit, by all means have a munch,
but it's there to be your BREAKFAST, not to SUBSIDIZE YOUR LUNCH.
And, because we're not a hotel - and you're in somebody's home,
we would like for you to feel relaxed and treat things like your own.
So straighten up your messy clothes and put your toys away
and by all means pick your towels up and snacks from yesterday.
Remember that WE LIVE HERE TOO - it's us that drives the brush
Don't be acting as if rock stars; screwed up beds and THINGS TO FLUSH!
And, because we're not a hotel - it comes naturally to most
to meet and get to know you, more like friends and not a host.
Seems we get on well with everyone, that ventures to our house
and much prefer to laugh at life, than treat you like a mouse.
We only ask two little things - RESPECT and BE YOURSELF
then relax, enjoy and make the most – no sitting on the shelf.
And, because we're not a hotel - here's the last thing we shall say.
It's not easy playing B&B – it’s a lot more work than play.
And we hope that you'll enjoy your stay - and it feels like a revive'r
As we need for you to SAY NICE THINGS, when next on trip advisor.
We really hope this little guide has helped you hear our voice,
And that you’ll be brave in Scotland and MAKE B&B FIRST CHOICE.
© Dennis East
My wife and I have been "playing" Bed & Breakfast for almost ten years now in the highlands of Scotland - in between seasons I get time to write my poetry and keep myself amused with subject matter that makes me smile...and hopefully you too.
Below is my poem about the differences between being a B&B and being a Hotel - I will always be amazed at how many folk expect exactly the same service when they are in YOUR HOME.
Bed and Breakfast Guide for Scotland
Well, because we're not a hotel - and you've never B&B'd,
here's some tips when you're in Scotland that will help you to succeed.
And the first thing you must understand, no matter where you roam,
there’s a fundamental difference between a HOTEL AND A HOME.
As you’ll be dealing with the owners, not just someone from the rear,
and you’d best be kind and friendly or you're OUT UPON YOUR EAR.
And, because we're not a hotel – TAKE DEPOSITS? Answer, “yup.”
Brings us revenue in winter and ensures that you'll turn up.
And you’re bound to know our climates wet, while yours is very warm,
so be sure to walk upon our paths and NEVER ON THE LAWN.
And the reason you might wonder, why the Scottish really cares
It’s because our grass has sticky mud; you’ll TRAPSE ALL UP OUR STAIRS.
And, because we're not a hotel – there’ll be shopping to be done,
so don't turn up on our doorstep to come in at HALF PAST ONE.
As we have to change the beds and clean, to make it nice for you
And so we're busy “making ready” and not done TILL AFTER TWO.
Instead, please make the most of things and plan the day before
as we need some time to call our own - we're yours JUST AFTER FOUR.
And, because we're not a hotel - we will wave you off each day,
as we’re off to have OUR BREAKFAST, just as soon as you're away.
That's how we keep the prices down and pass it on to you,
by taking time to plan our day, to do what we must do.
We've such a lot of things to clean, once you are out the door,
so if you can, we'd like you GONE - BY TEN or JUST BEFORE.
And, because we're not a hotel - we might ASK THE NIGHT BEFORE
what you'd like cooked for your breakfast and the time you'd like it for.
It makes such sense and helps us, but we hate it when you sulk,
but it saves on waste, to cook it fresh - than store it hot in bulk.
And when you see our bowl of fruit, by all means have a munch,
but it's there to be your BREAKFAST, not to SUBSIDIZE YOUR LUNCH.
And, because we're not a hotel - and you're in somebody's home,
we would like for you to feel relaxed and treat things like your own.
So straighten up your messy clothes and put your toys away
and by all means pick your towels up and snacks from yesterday.
Remember that WE LIVE HERE TOO - it's us that drives the brush
Don't be acting as if rock stars; screwed up beds and THINGS TO FLUSH!
And, because we're not a hotel - it comes naturally to most
to meet and get to know you, more like friends and not a host.
Seems we get on well with everyone, that ventures to our house
and much prefer to laugh at life, than treat you like a mouse.
We only ask two little things - RESPECT and BE YOURSELF
then relax, enjoy and make the most – no sitting on the shelf.
And, because we're not a hotel - here's the last thing we shall say.
It's not easy playing B&B – it’s a lot more work than play.
And we hope that you'll enjoy your stay - and it feels like a revive'r
As we need for you to SAY NICE THINGS, when next on trip advisor.
We really hope this little guide has helped you hear our voice,
And that you’ll be brave in Scotland and MAKE B&B FIRST CHOICE.
© Dennis East
