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Generic

Generic

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I sometimes have to explain to our southern guests that things are different in this country than they are elsewhere... in particular, asking about personal relationships. Honestly, I would rather ask someone their salary than ask them if they are married, never mind about children or if they plan on having children. I was HORRIFIED. They actually asked them about their plans on having children. Don't people have limits?
The other room had an argument so loud, I could clearly hear it... a floor below. OMG!
 
Arguing in public is just bad etiquette.
I think it is an ice breaker and perfectly friendly to ask if a new acquaintance has children. It's a way of getting to something in common or something to talk about.
But to ask if they are planning to??? NO!! That's too personal.
 
TheBeachHouse said:
Arguing in public is just bad etiquette.
I think it is an ice breaker and perfectly friendly to ask if a new acquaintance has children. It's a way of getting to something in common or something to talk about.
But to ask if they are planning to??? NO!! That's too personal..
Click to expand...
It may be, where you are from... around here... you NEVER do that. It's BEYOND rude.
They are arguing in their room... it's just so loud that I hear it.
 
Generic said:
TheBeachHouse said:
Arguing in public is just bad etiquette.
I think it is an ice breaker and perfectly friendly to ask if a new acquaintance has children. It's a way of getting to something in common or something to talk about.
But to ask if they are planning to??? NO!! That's too personal..
Click to expand...
It may be, where you are from... around here... you NEVER do that. It's BEYOND rude.
They are arguing in their room... it's just so loud that I hear it.
.
Click to expand...
Generic said:
It may be, where you are from... around here... you NEVER do that. It's BEYOND rude.
They are arguing in their room... it's just so loud that I hear it.
Click to expand...
Interesting! People ask me everyday if I/we have kids. (shrug)
 
I get asked if we have kids all of the time. I don't think asking if we have them is offensive, but asking why we *don't* have them is waaaaaay too personal, as is asking when we plan on having them.
Arguing in one's room is a tough one. Our walls aren't insulated very well and I can often hear guests in the room adjoining our apartment. Conversely, I know that they can hear us, so we try to be super quiet. Unfortunately, disagreements can sometimes reach loud decibels, which really sucks. It's possible these guests are very embarrassed about their heated argument. Hopefully you didn't hear them throwing things....
 
TheBeachHouse said:
Generic said:
TheBeachHouse said:
Arguing in public is just bad etiquette.
I think it is an ice breaker and perfectly friendly to ask if a new acquaintance has children. It's a way of getting to something in common or something to talk about.
But to ask if they are planning to??? NO!! That's too personal..
Click to expand...
It may be, where you are from... around here... you NEVER do that. It's BEYOND rude.
They are arguing in their room... it's just so loud that I hear it.
.
Click to expand...
Generic said:
It may be, where you are from... around here... you NEVER do that. It's BEYOND rude.
They are arguing in their room... it's just so loud that I hear it.
Click to expand...
Interesting! People ask me everyday if I/we have kids. (shrug)
.
Click to expand...
It's a cultural difference. But a very important one.
We just don't ask personal questions like that. I know it's different where you are from, but even asking someone what they do for a living can be considered personal.
We talk about non-personal things, like where you have been on holiday or what you like to eat, not religious, personal beliefs, etc.
To sort of get the difference... personal questions we would NEVER ask include, salary, marital status, children, favourite sexual position, have you been raped etc. We put those all in the same set of things not to ask. Do you now get how shocking this is for us?
 
notAgrandma said:
I get asked if we have kids all of the time. I don't think asking if we have them is offensive, but asking why we *don't* have them is waaaaaay too personal, as is asking when we plan on having them.
Arguing in one's room is a tough one. Our walls aren't insulated very well and I can often hear guests in the room adjoining our apartment. Conversely, I know that they can hear us, so we try to be super quiet. Unfortunately, disagreements can sometimes reach loud decibels, which really sucks. It's possible these guests are very embarrassed about their heated argument. Hopefully you didn't hear them throwing things.....
Click to expand...
If you get someone from here who asks that, you can give them our equivalent of telling them to go jump.... it's "Excuse Me?" or "Sorry?" But with a specific tone, down and then up. It's out equivalent of saying "what the heck is wrong with you."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTY4LCO6-7A
 
notAgrandma said:
I get asked if we have kids all of the time. I don't think asking if we have them is offensive, but asking why we *don't* have them is waaaaaay too personal, as is asking when we plan on having them.
Arguing in one's room is a tough one. Our walls aren't insulated very well and I can often hear guests in the room adjoining our apartment. Conversely, I know that they can hear us, so we try to be super quiet. Unfortunately, disagreements can sometimes reach loud decibels, which really sucks. It's possible these guests are very embarrassed about their heated argument. Hopefully you didn't hear them throwing things.....
Click to expand...
If you get someone from here who asks that, you can give them our equivalent of telling them to go jump.... it's "Excuse Me?" or "Sorry?" But with a specific tone, down and then up. It's out equivalent of saying "what the heck is wrong with you."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTY4LCO6-7A
 
Generic said:
TheBeachHouse said:
Generic said:
TheBeachHouse said:
Arguing in public is just bad etiquette.
I think it is an ice breaker and perfectly friendly to ask if a new acquaintance has children. It's a way of getting to something in common or something to talk about.
But to ask if they are planning to??? NO!! That's too personal..
Click to expand...
It may be, where you are from... around here... you NEVER do that. It's BEYOND rude.
They are arguing in their room... it's just so loud that I hear it.
.
Click to expand...
Generic said:
It may be, where you are from... around here... you NEVER do that. It's BEYOND rude.
They are arguing in their room... it's just so loud that I hear it.
Click to expand...
Interesting! People ask me everyday if I/we have kids. (shrug)
.
Click to expand...
It's a cultural difference. But a very important one.
We just don't ask personal questions like that. I know it's different where you are from, but even asking someone what they do for a living can be considered personal.
We talk about non-personal things, like where you have been on holiday or what you like to eat, not religious, personal beliefs, etc.
To sort of get the difference... personal questions we would NEVER ask include, salary, marital status, children, favourite sexual position, have you been raped etc. We put those all in the same set of things not to ask. Do you now get how shocking this is for us?
.
Click to expand...
Yikes!
My usual opening line is, "Are you here for an event?" OR, "Do you know where you are having dinner?"
My DH thinks I'm being intrusive. I think I'm finding out if I need to recommend a restaurant or give directions.
 
TheBeachHouse said:
Generic said:
TheBeachHouse said:
Generic said:
TheBeachHouse said:
Arguing in public is just bad etiquette.
I think it is an ice breaker and perfectly friendly to ask if a new acquaintance has children. It's a way of getting to something in common or something to talk about.
But to ask if they are planning to??? NO!! That's too personal..
Click to expand...
It may be, where you are from... around here... you NEVER do that. It's BEYOND rude.
They are arguing in their room... it's just so loud that I hear it.
.
Click to expand...
Generic said:
It may be, where you are from... around here... you NEVER do that. It's BEYOND rude.
They are arguing in their room... it's just so loud that I hear it.
Click to expand...
Interesting! People ask me everyday if I/we have kids. (shrug)
.
Click to expand...
It's a cultural difference. But a very important one.
We just don't ask personal questions like that. I know it's different where you are from, but even asking someone what they do for a living can be considered personal.
We talk about non-personal things, like where you have been on holiday or what you like to eat, not religious, personal beliefs, etc.
To sort of get the difference... personal questions we would NEVER ask include, salary, marital status, children, favourite sexual position, have you been raped etc. We put those all in the same set of things not to ask. Do you now get how shocking this is for us?
.
Click to expand...
Yikes!
My usual opening line is, "Are you here for an event?" OR, "Do you know where you are having dinner?"
My DH thinks I'm being intrusive. I think I'm finding out if I need to recommend a restaurant or give directions.
.
Click to expand...
I just ask if they need help with anything or finding a place for dinner.
I would never ask if they are here for a conference... I wait for them to tell me why they are here.
I also find the attitudes towards names very interesting. We don't introduce ourselves by name, locally. We just talk to the person face to face. I found that all a little weird.
 
Generic said:
TheBeachHouse said:
Generic said:
TheBeachHouse said:
Generic said:
TheBeachHouse said:
Arguing in public is just bad etiquette.
I think it is an ice breaker and perfectly friendly to ask if a new acquaintance has children. It's a way of getting to something in common or something to talk about.
But to ask if they are planning to??? NO!! That's too personal..
Click to expand...
It may be, where you are from... around here... you NEVER do that. It's BEYOND rude.
They are arguing in their room... it's just so loud that I hear it.
.
Click to expand...
Generic said:
It may be, where you are from... around here... you NEVER do that. It's BEYOND rude.
They are arguing in their room... it's just so loud that I hear it.
Click to expand...
Interesting! People ask me everyday if I/we have kids. (shrug)
.
Click to expand...
It's a cultural difference. But a very important one.
We just don't ask personal questions like that. I know it's different where you are from, but even asking someone what they do for a living can be considered personal.
We talk about non-personal things, like where you have been on holiday or what you like to eat, not religious, personal beliefs, etc.
To sort of get the difference... personal questions we would NEVER ask include, salary, marital status, children, favourite sexual position, have you been raped etc. We put those all in the same set of things not to ask. Do you now get how shocking this is for us?
.
Click to expand...
Yikes!
My usual opening line is, "Are you here for an event?" OR, "Do you know where you are having dinner?"
My DH thinks I'm being intrusive. I think I'm finding out if I need to recommend a restaurant or give directions.
.
Click to expand...
I just ask if they need help with anything or finding a place for dinner.
I would never ask if they are here for a conference... I wait for them to tell me why they are here.
I also find the attitudes towards names very interesting. We don't introduce ourselves by name, locally. We just talk to the person face to face. I found that all a little weird.
.
Click to expand...
Some people get insulted. They will stop me in the middle of my speech with, "What's your name?"
So I've tried to remember to introduce myself. I'm like you. I just start talking.
 
I have never ever asked my kids when are you going to have kids. When the only one I went to the delivery room with informed me he was not going to have kids (I did NOT ask), I told him it was a personal decision. But you have a huge cultural difference there.Wow!
 
gillumhouse said:
I have never ever asked my kids when are you going to have kids. When the only one I went to the delivery room with informed me he was not going to have kids (I did NOT ask), I told him it was a personal decision. But you have a huge cultural difference there.Wow!.
Click to expand...
Just remember that when you are in the UK. In many respects, we have a lot of our culture from there. You talk about neutral things unless they let it into the conversation. You can ask about their significant other or children, if they have mentioned that they have them, but stay neutral if they haven't. How was your vacation. What do you like to do when you travel. Have you learnt any other languages? What kind of food do you like, etc. Even asking about someone's job can be considered too personal by some.... because you might be trying to figure out if they are aristocratic or have aristocratic (posh) backgrounds.
How do you like your tea? Have you had Indonesian food? Do you bike? Did you enjoy your holiday? What do you like to do for leisure? :)
 
Generic said:
TheBeachHouse said:
Generic said:
TheBeachHouse said:
Generic said:
TheBeachHouse said:
Arguing in public is just bad etiquette.
I think it is an ice breaker and perfectly friendly to ask if a new acquaintance has children. It's a way of getting to something in common or something to talk about.
But to ask if they are planning to??? NO!! That's too personal..
Click to expand...
It may be, where you are from... around here... you NEVER do that. It's BEYOND rude.
They are arguing in their room... it's just so loud that I hear it.
.
Click to expand...
Generic said:
It may be, where you are from... around here... you NEVER do that. It's BEYOND rude.
They are arguing in their room... it's just so loud that I hear it.
Click to expand...
Interesting! People ask me everyday if I/we have kids. (shrug)
.
Click to expand...
It's a cultural difference. But a very important one.
We just don't ask personal questions like that. I know it's different where you are from, but even asking someone what they do for a living can be considered personal.
We talk about non-personal things, like where you have been on holiday or what you like to eat, not religious, personal beliefs, etc.
To sort of get the difference... personal questions we would NEVER ask include, salary, marital status, children, favourite sexual position, have you been raped etc. We put those all in the same set of things not to ask. Do you now get how shocking this is for us?
.
Click to expand...
Yikes!
My usual opening line is, "Are you here for an event?" OR, "Do you know where you are having dinner?"
My DH thinks I'm being intrusive. I think I'm finding out if I need to recommend a restaurant or give directions.
.
Click to expand...
I just ask if they need help with anything or finding a place for dinner.
I would never ask if they are here for a conference... I wait for them to tell me why they are here.
I also find the attitudes towards names very interesting. We don't introduce ourselves by name, locally. We just talk to the person face to face. I found that all a little weird.
.
Click to expand...
We get a lot of conference guests usually booked by the conference booking agent so I don't need to ask and considering its accross the road from me if they can't find it there is no hope - I do however say if you are looking for anything in particular or need directions just let me know (for non conference Guests)
In the UK things you don't ask (1) are you married (2) wage (3) sexual preference as asking is now illegal within certain parameters as could be perceived as discrimination)
We do however get asked a lot if the weekend kids are our children - which considering there are 5 of them and 1 is Asian (we are not) it would be quite a trick unless we adopted them all at once! or had quads plus 1
 
Generic said:
gillumhouse said:
I have never ever asked my kids when are you going to have kids. When the only one I went to the delivery room with informed me he was not going to have kids (I did NOT ask), I told him it was a personal decision. But you have a huge cultural difference there.Wow!.
Click to expand...
Just remember that when you are in the UK. In many respects, we have a lot of our culture from there. You talk about neutral things unless they let it into the conversation. You can ask about their significant other or children, if they have mentioned that they have them, but stay neutral if they haven't. How was your vacation. What do you like to do when you travel. Have you learnt any other languages? What kind of food do you like, etc. Even asking about someone's job can be considered too personal by some.... because you might be trying to figure out if they are aristocratic or have aristocratic (posh) backgrounds.
How do you like your tea? Have you had Indonesian food? Do you bike? Did you enjoy your holiday? What do you like to do for leisure? :)
.
Click to expand...
Point taken. I would probably have put my foot in it up to my thigh. Sigh
 
Generic said:
TheBeachHouse said:
Generic said:
TheBeachHouse said:
Arguing in public is just bad etiquette.
I think it is an ice breaker and perfectly friendly to ask if a new acquaintance has children. It's a way of getting to something in common or something to talk about.
But to ask if they are planning to??? NO!! That's too personal..
Click to expand...
It may be, where you are from... around here... you NEVER do that. It's BEYOND rude.
They are arguing in their room... it's just so loud that I hear it.
.
Click to expand...
Generic said:
It may be, where you are from... around here... you NEVER do that. It's BEYOND rude.
They are arguing in their room... it's just so loud that I hear it.
Click to expand...
Interesting! People ask me everyday if I/we have kids. (shrug)
.
Click to expand...
It's a cultural difference. But a very important one.
We just don't ask personal questions like that. I know it's different where you are from, but even asking someone what they do for a living can be considered personal.
We talk about non-personal things, like where you have been on holiday or what you like to eat, not religious, personal beliefs, etc.
To sort of get the difference... personal questions we would NEVER ask include, salary, marital status, children, favourite sexual position, have you been raped etc. We put those all in the same set of things not to ask. Do you now get how shocking this is for us?
.
Click to expand...
of course. everyone is entitled to privacy.
 
Generic said:
TheBeachHouse said:
Generic said:
TheBeachHouse said:
Arguing in public is just bad etiquette.
I think it is an ice breaker and perfectly friendly to ask if a new acquaintance has children. It's a way of getting to something in common or something to talk about.
But to ask if they are planning to??? NO!! That's too personal..
Click to expand...
It may be, where you are from... around here... you NEVER do that. It's BEYOND rude.
They are arguing in their room... it's just so loud that I hear it.
.
Click to expand...
Generic said:
It may be, where you are from... around here... you NEVER do that. It's BEYOND rude.
They are arguing in their room... it's just so loud that I hear it.
Click to expand...
Interesting! People ask me everyday if I/we have kids. (shrug)
.
Click to expand...
It's a cultural difference. But a very important one.
We just don't ask personal questions like that. I know it's different where you are from, but even asking someone what they do for a living can be considered personal.
We talk about non-personal things, like where you have been on holiday or what you like to eat, not religious, personal beliefs, etc.
To sort of get the difference... personal questions we would NEVER ask include, salary, marital status, children, favourite sexual position, have you been raped etc. We put those all in the same set of things not to ask. Do you now get how shocking this is for us?
.
Click to expand...
I don't ask about jobs, children, really anything personal unless, as you have suggested - the guest creates that opening. Our guests are on holiday, so I will ask it they have seen, or are aware of, this local attraction or that, or let them know about a local event. If the conversation veers political, I generally reply with some statement indicating sympathy for their position. Common ground has so far, been easy to find. (And if asked for a recipe, I happily share)
:)
 
I'm going to have to just shut up then when we have non-US guests in the house.
People must think I'm a heathen.
 
Morticia said:
I'm going to have to just shut up then when we have non-US guests in the house.
People must think I'm a heathen..
Click to expand...
You should have heard this morning's discussion.... I should have shut up.... Religious beliefs are a bedroom item in this country.... you keep it at home.
 
The most infuriating is when I have guests as they just enter my home blandly ask me where is my accent from. In 13 years it is only the guests from the south part of North America that ask. I understand (not really - what difference does it make - it is just a curiosity) one may be intrigued, but there are a nice ways to ask rather than "Where are you from?". I swear next time I head that I will say - Tuktoyaktuk.
 

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