This just won't do!

Two women check in. I had trouble finding their reservation because it was booked by a travel agent. Found it. Showed them their room. Big room. Queen bed. "This won't do! We booked a room with two twin beds. We are not sisters!"
I first offered them the air mattress. Just made her more upset. I was thinking how to make it bettter and she kept telling me she booked two twin beds. I finally looked her in the eye and told her,"we don't have any rooms with two twin beds in this house. So you did not book a room with two twin beds. However, I do have a room with two beds but it's booked. ". I called the guy who booked the two bed room and offered him an upgrade. I showed them the two bed room with the bathroom down the hall. They were happy.
This morning, they look at breakfast. Quiche, pancakes, bacon, coffee cake, yogurt, fruit salad, strawberries, blueberries, bananas, three kinds of bread for toast, peanut butter, jelly, butter, honey, syrup. She says,"do you have any cheese?"
Sigh.

my neighbour just had this - he had no ground floor rooms - 2 ladies arrive booked by a tourist info service (ie government run) and they had booked them in through boo k .ng. co - never rang the property - they had been told it was in the country (very town center location which can be seen on anything ie B) and they were in a top floor room with no mention in the booking one walks on crutches and was in 3 days - where do people get this idea B know what properties are actually like? told 2 people booked out to me that a particular place was wheechair accessible by B when its 6 big steps up to the front door alone!

People don't look. They imagine that there is some fairy up there that magically does everything for them. I have pictures of my house, 4 stories tall.... and stairs to the front door and yet, think there are no stairs?

I am NEVER taking bookings from travel agents again after this weekend. I get very few of them (1 or 2 a year) and they are invariably problem guests.
Had a couple booked for 2 nights through Brendan Vacations, never dealt with them before, never even heard of them. Agent paid a deposit on a card when they booked in May but 3 weeks ago said they would pay the balance by bank transfer. They've asked for my bank details twice no payment, I was told the money would be in a week ago, it wasn't. I emailed thursday and phoned friday, no one got back to me so when the guests checked in I just charged the balance to the card they gave me. Not messing about any further.
Two American guests turn up in a chauffeur driver Merc, the husband can't do stairs, we've got stairs up to the house and the rooms are upstairs, he's refusing to get out the car, the wife is arguing with him, me and the chauffeur just watching. They've got no dinner booked and there's no way they'll get in the local pub on a Friday night, I told them straight "The confirmation I sent to your agent said you must book". Clearly they had plenty of money and were paying a great deal for this tour so I can't understand why the agent put them in a B&B charging £95 per night, I can understand why they were annoyed but don't take it out on me. The chauffeur was having to re-arrange the itinary because he hadn't been told the guest couldn't do stairs.
He was so rude at breakfast I said to DH on the first morning if he carries on like that he's out. DH offered him a freshly baked home made roll, abruptly "What choices do I have!!!" ...DH was so taken aback he was polite, I'd have said "Take it or leave it".
So we've had to put up with his arrogance, rudeness and 5 star demands for 2 days, can't remember the last time I was so glad to see someone leave as I was this morning. I told the chauffeur "I'm getting £95 a night for their stay, it's not enough to put up with this c**p".

We won't use travel agents, OTAs, vacation rental agents. We have 5 websites that promote us - our own, 2 free ones and our paid membership ones - the local chamber and wine trail group. I have only one site where you can book - our website!
Even on Airbnb I have settings that require the guest to "request to stay", then I can approve, offer options, or decline. Then I go off one calendar, plus I can control approval of Airbnb guests after reviewing their profiles and reading their reviews from previous owners, plus send links to our policies and other details as needed!
And surprisingly, we are quite busy!!!

I've slept with a friend in a bed. What's the big deal?
Anyway - my worst guest misunderstanding was when the man's assistant booked the reservations for him and his wife. They thought they were coming to an inn, cottages and resort by the same name, right on the beach. I was in a fishing harbor ... tiny beach a couple miles away, no cottages and no resort. Oh my! He took it in stride but I was afraid she'd sheer off her porcelain fingernails rapping them on the table so hard! He strolled around the harbor and walked up to the lighthouse, enjoyed my homemade blueberry pie with ice cream. She hid in their room or sat in an adirondack chair outside counting down til checkout time. Thank goodness it was just for one night.