Innkeeper Murphy's Laws

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notAgrandma's picture
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I've only been doing this 6 years, but there are a few observations I've made that are generally true:

  • If you serve anything but orange juice in a fancy glass (flute glass, cordial, wine, goblet), guests will always ask "What is it?" As if you serve white or red wine at 8:30am instead of grape or apple juice.
  • Guests will sit in the empty spot at the breakfast table where there isn't a place setting.
  • Even if they are the only guests in the house, the 2 guests will come down to the breakfast table and ask, "Are these 2 place settings for us?"
  • The minute you step away to do anything, that will be when guests are looking for you so they can check out.
  • Expect your dinner to be interrupted by a phone call at least once a week.
  • If you attempt to make plans around a guests' arrival time, they will be late.
  • The guests who haggle for a discount will drive up in a car more expensive than the last 2 you've owned combined.

Please share any amusing observations you've made over the years!

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2cat_lady's picture
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I have certain lights I leave on all night so that guests don’t stumble. Some lights on timers. I think I may have to label everything. 

Generic's picture
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You need these... http://www.lutron.com/en-US/Products/Pages/Sensors/Occupancy-Vacancy/MaestroOccVacSensors/overview.aspx and I'm being specific, because we have tried the other brands. These detect movement the best and the button doesn't let the guest reset the functionality (they have to know how to do it, it just lets them turn it on or off.)

The other good solution is setting up something like Zwave or Zigbee. Like the Philips Hue lights. With Zwave/Zigbee hub, you can set scenes, so for example, if you detect movement on the movement detector, you can have a light turn on, and then wait 2 minutes and then turn it off.

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JimBoone's picture
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2cat_lady wrote:

I have certain lights I leave on all night so that guests don’t stumble. Some lights on timers. I think I may have to label everything. 

We have those helpful guests who remove the bulbs from the porch lights when they sit out at night, of course then I don't know about it till someone complains the next night that the light isn't working.

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Morticia's picture
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We have our juice pitchers labeled. One has oj, which is pretty simple to guess. We still get asked. One has cranberry juice, we get asked if it's iced tea. One has water. When guests ask if it's water I tell them it's vodka.

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Generic's picture
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We leave all other juices in their tetra pak. Yes, I said tetra pak.

PhineasSwann's picture
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09/25/2012

If you leave a sign up with any information, the guests will always ask you for that information.  #FTFY

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Generic's picture
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If you leave a sign with the wifi password, the guests will always ask you for the wifi password.

gillumhouse's picture
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05/22/2008

Network and password on a label on the base of the TV  - white lbel on black plastic stand. Last nigjt - what is the password?

notAgrandma's picture
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At check-in I point to the white info binder that we have on every desk & say, "The wifi password and my cell phone # are on the cover of that white binder." I had a guest call my cell phone & ask for the wifi password, which is printed on the line above my cell phone #. blush

TheBeachHouse's picture
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The higher maintenance guests are always booked in the cheapest room.

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TBH

 

Anon Inn's picture
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09/26/2011

My reply to discount requests so far:

"I'm the bookkeeper and tax preparer too, so to preserve my sanity - the rates are the same year-round.  We don't jack them in the summer".  So far - that ends that discussion. 

gillumhouse's picture
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I tell them that my husband has a hard enough time remembering the rates so they stay the same year round.

Anon Inn's picture
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When you are wondering when your later guests will arrive, just sit down to your own dinner.  Smiling

Morticia's picture
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05/22/2008

As soon as you block the calendar for vacation, 6 guests call who want to stay 4 nights each, on those exact dates.

JimBoone's picture
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notAgrandma wrote:

  • The minute you step away to do anything, that will be when guests are looking for you so they can check out.
  • Expect your dinner to be interrupted by a phone call at least once a week
  • .the guests who haggle for a discount will drive up in a car more expensive than the last 2 you've owned combined.

I beat the first one by collecting on arrival, just leave the key and have a nice trip on departure

Prior to online booking I always suggested folks call at suppertime as a good way of catching us near the phone, my gripe is when you try to order something online, sure as you start to provide your info, the phone rings and someone comes to the door.

After a lifetime of driving whatever was cheap I do like my vehicles, but don't usually haggle with price, well I did complain one time, the room was $10 and we stayed a day or two, when we returned a few days later rate had gone up to $13 and I questioned the increase, yeah time has passed since then.

 

Generic's picture
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The chances of a guest coming to you door is directly related to how much you need to go to pee.

Anon Inn's picture
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Generic wrote:

"The chances of a guest coming to you door is directly related to how much you need to go to pee."

LOL. Truth!

JimBoone's picture
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Generic wrote:

The chances of a guest coming to you door is directly related to how much you need to go to pee.

Always

PhineasSwann's picture
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09/25/2012

Allow me to contribute:

  • If there is a way for a guest to possibly lock themselves out of their room, they'll find it. 
  • No matter how many parking spaces you have, guests will park in a way to keep the last person from fitting in.
  • Guests will contact the OTA to book, but you to cancel.

 

Anon Inn's picture
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Yes.  I had my first 50 miles away lockout this past summer.  Fortunately they had friends to stay with while I made the drive.  There is now a spare key in a lockbox.  Don't know why I didn't see that one coming!

TheBeachHouse's picture
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PhineasSwann wrote:

.

  • Guests will contact the OTA to book, but you to cancel.

 

every.    single.    time....

notAgrandma's picture
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TheBeachHouse wrote:

PhineasSwann wrote:

.

  • Guests will contact the OTA to book, but you to cancel.

 

every.    single.    time....

SO TRUE!!

I thought of another one: The likelihood of a guest posting a review is inversely proportional to how much they tell you that they loved their stay.

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