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Generic

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Have you ever had a guest say something about their partner/friend that made you wonder about them and their relationship?
Yesterday someone asked about having coffee early while adding these extra words "don't worry if you don't have, I'll just send them out if you don't." And all I could think about was why they couldn't manage to go out for coffee on her own and had to make someone else do it for them?
We had a guest once call their partner the "beast of burden" when refering to carrying the baggage up the stairs.
Or is it just me, that hears these things? That some people just don't realize how it appears to outsiders when they say them?
 

Alibi Ike

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We hear a lot of this. In many cases it is the way the couple works. As long as the fetcher or the toter does not seem put out by it, that's what works for them.
Even my spouse says his job is to 'carry the heavy stuff' which, to him, includes the leftovers from a restaurant when we walk home.
In a reversal, tho, it's odd to see the wife carrying all the luggage into the house while the husband stands around eating the cookies and making small talk. But, he might not be able to help out and her doing it allows them to still travel.
The only thing that really sets my teeth on edge is abusive language or glaring or name calling. In your situation if the wife in question had said to the spouse, 'Go down the street and get me coffee!'
 

Generic

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We hear a lot of this. In many cases it is the way the couple works. As long as the fetcher or the toter does not seem put out by it, that's what works for them.
Even my spouse says his job is to 'carry the heavy stuff' which, to him, includes the leftovers from a restaurant when we walk home.
In a reversal, tho, it's odd to see the wife carrying all the luggage into the house while the husband stands around eating the cookies and making small talk. But, he might not be able to help out and her doing it allows them to still travel.
The only thing that really sets my teeth on edge is abusive language or glaring or name calling. In your situation if the wife in question had said to the spouse, 'Go down the street and get me coffee!'.
I don't know... it's just foreign to me. If I want a coffee and I'm able to get it, I get it. I don't expect someone else to do it for me. Certainly wouldn't expect someone else to carry my luggage if I'm perfectly able. But even if I wasn't, I would never call someone else "beast of burden" like someone indentured. I guess for me, it's the aspect of expectation.. it's nice if they volonteer, but to expect someone to do it is something entirely foreign to me.
Big difference between... "my back is hurting, can you get me something at the pharmacy" from "I want a coffee, go out and get me one."
 

gillumhouse

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Lighten up! Back in the day before crutches, my husband was not able to carry a lot - he wore a full-leg brace and had a bad arm. He did all sorts of things but carrying stuff was not one of them, besides it was easier for me to just do it. Being lazy, I carried as much in ONE trip as possible. When we went to a workshop he was atending for a week, every day I wuld drop him off and cary his STUFF i and reverse in the evening. When soneone would remark at the load, I said, "The reason he maried me was I was from West Virginia and he knew West Virginia women were part pack horse."
I grew up on a farm and farm women are not weenies. Do not judge - you have no idea what things they do for each other that are meaningful and appreciated.
 

Generic

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Lighten up! Back in the day before crutches, my husband was not able to carry a lot - he wore a full-leg brace and had a bad arm. He did all sorts of things but carrying stuff was not one of them, besides it was easier for me to just do it. Being lazy, I carried as much in ONE trip as possible. When we went to a workshop he was atending for a week, every day I wuld drop him off and cary his STUFF i and reverse in the evening. When soneone would remark at the load, I said, "The reason he maried me was I was from West Virginia and he knew West Virginia women were part pack horse."
I grew up on a farm and farm women are not weenies. Do not judge - you have no idea what things they do for each other that are meaningful and appreciated..
I'm sorry, I think you may have misunderstood what I said. I wasn't commenting about who was doing it, I was commenting about the way it was said to me. One partner called the other who carried "the beast of burden". How would you have felt if DH had called you "the beast of burden" to a third person? That's what I am talking about.... not who does it, or that one is doing it over the other.
I don't care about who does what, it's none of my damn business. I'm talking about what they say to me as a third party.
PS: I carefully left out the sexes of these couples on purpose, because it isn't relevant at all.
 

JBloggs

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We have seen it all in this business.
Interaction between guests is what it is. I mean, if you ever heard the way my parents speak to each other the hair on the back of your neck would stand up! Then my in-laws passive aggressive ways are much meaner that my mother calling my father an SOB in public.
I hear you tho, we live a certain way and sometimes it is unsettling. That is your perspective, mine is totally different to yours. We have had what I felt were abusive comments here, and in fact an overriding unsettling negative feeling a shroud, if you will, surrounded this person I am thinking of right now. Brought the whole atmosphere down at the table.
As for getting coffee, hauling bags, that is not what I speak of. I told a guest the other day the story of the couple who were "Llama trekking" and he thought it was pretty neat, you pack a llama up with the picnic basket, blanket etc and I said "Why she has you!" In jest, as always.
A gal came to pay this morning while the husband was outside, should he have come in? Sure, but who cares, really. Chilvary is dead!
 

Copperhead

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I've heard lots, some of which just rolls off my shoulders and other statments that just make me
. Some mean what they say others it is just how they carry on. Don't let it get to you. They come in and out of your life. If they are content, you should be as well.
 

Alibi Ike

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We hear a lot of this. In many cases it is the way the couple works. As long as the fetcher or the toter does not seem put out by it, that's what works for them.
Even my spouse says his job is to 'carry the heavy stuff' which, to him, includes the leftovers from a restaurant when we walk home.
In a reversal, tho, it's odd to see the wife carrying all the luggage into the house while the husband stands around eating the cookies and making small talk. But, he might not be able to help out and her doing it allows them to still travel.
The only thing that really sets my teeth on edge is abusive language or glaring or name calling. In your situation if the wife in question had said to the spouse, 'Go down the street and get me coffee!'.
I don't know... it's just foreign to me. If I want a coffee and I'm able to get it, I get it. I don't expect someone else to do it for me. Certainly wouldn't expect someone else to carry my luggage if I'm perfectly able. But even if I wasn't, I would never call someone else "beast of burden" like someone indentured. I guess for me, it's the aspect of expectation.. it's nice if they volonteer, but to expect someone to do it is something entirely foreign to me.
Big difference between... "my back is hurting, can you get me something at the pharmacy" from "I want a coffee, go out and get me one."
.
I'm almost certain the 'beast of burden' comment is not the first time that spouse has heard that said. Thus, my comment about how couples get along. I have friends who regularly say 'FU' to their spouses when the spouses tick them off. It's how they work. 35 years married and something else behind the scenes must be keeping them together. OTOH, maybe it's being able to be open when the spouse is pushing boundaries. Or being able to joke around with each other. 'Beast of burden' is probably a long-standing joke.
Same goes for how they talk about each other to other people. Altho I cannot stand when a family member calls his not thin wife 'beef' she seems to take it as a term of endearment. And she calls him by a French 'term of endearment' that means nothing to most people, but you sure would know what she was saying and perhaps be appalled. ;)
 

gillumhouse

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We have seen it all in this business.
Interaction between guests is what it is. I mean, if you ever heard the way my parents speak to each other the hair on the back of your neck would stand up! Then my in-laws passive aggressive ways are much meaner that my mother calling my father an SOB in public.
I hear you tho, we live a certain way and sometimes it is unsettling. That is your perspective, mine is totally different to yours. We have had what I felt were abusive comments here, and in fact an overriding unsettling negative feeling a shroud, if you will, surrounded this person I am thinking of right now. Brought the whole atmosphere down at the table.
As for getting coffee, hauling bags, that is not what I speak of. I told a guest the other day the story of the couple who were "Llama trekking" and he thought it was pretty neat, you pack a llama up with the picnic basket, blanket etc and I said "Why she has you!" In jest, as always.
A gal came to pay this morning while the husband was outside, should he have come in? Sure, but who cares, really. Chilvary is dead!.
A gal came to pay this morning while the husband was outside, should he have come in? Sure, but who cares, really. Chilvary is dead!
I always did, and still do, take care of the financial end of our travels. For years I did the checkbook and everything (less grief with robbing Peter to pay Paul) until one day I got fed up hearing the "tape" I cannot understand why we never have any money and took the checkbook and bill pile and dumped it in his lap. Then HE had to figure out how to pay for his "toys" - of course by then we no longer had the 2-legged animals to support so it was easier.
Who does what in a family is the same as it is with us doing this industry - he who does it best gets the task regardless of gender. We were just brought up that Daddy brings home the paycheck (a standard that makes my brother dislike DH to this day since I did that better), Mom does the cooking and laundry and brings up the kids..... Because of the way things were in our house, our middle son was comfortable to, after running the numbers, stop working and take care of his son the first year (it cost them less than daycare would). Today, after the divorce, they have joint custody but he has his son more and a fantastic bond that would not exist had we been the "norm". And my sons respect strong women but do not fear them.
 

Generic

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We hear a lot of this. In many cases it is the way the couple works. As long as the fetcher or the toter does not seem put out by it, that's what works for them.
Even my spouse says his job is to 'carry the heavy stuff' which, to him, includes the leftovers from a restaurant when we walk home.
In a reversal, tho, it's odd to see the wife carrying all the luggage into the house while the husband stands around eating the cookies and making small talk. But, he might not be able to help out and her doing it allows them to still travel.
The only thing that really sets my teeth on edge is abusive language or glaring or name calling. In your situation if the wife in question had said to the spouse, 'Go down the street and get me coffee!'.
I don't know... it's just foreign to me. If I want a coffee and I'm able to get it, I get it. I don't expect someone else to do it for me. Certainly wouldn't expect someone else to carry my luggage if I'm perfectly able. But even if I wasn't, I would never call someone else "beast of burden" like someone indentured. I guess for me, it's the aspect of expectation.. it's nice if they volonteer, but to expect someone to do it is something entirely foreign to me.
Big difference between... "my back is hurting, can you get me something at the pharmacy" from "I want a coffee, go out and get me one."
.
I'm almost certain the 'beast of burden' comment is not the first time that spouse has heard that said. Thus, my comment about how couples get along. I have friends who regularly say 'FU' to their spouses when the spouses tick them off. It's how they work. 35 years married and something else behind the scenes must be keeping them together. OTOH, maybe it's being able to be open when the spouse is pushing boundaries. Or being able to joke around with each other. 'Beast of burden' is probably a long-standing joke.
Same goes for how they talk about each other to other people. Altho I cannot stand when a family member calls his not thin wife 'beef' she seems to take it as a term of endearment. And she calls him by a French 'term of endearment' that means nothing to most people, but you sure would know what she was saying and perhaps be appalled. ;)
.
In French, to call a woman a cow is the equivalent to the English term for a female dog.
Lost me on the term of endearment, though. There are so many.... starting with calling people cabbage (which is just plain odd, if you asked me.)
 

Samster

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I really could have cared less. It's not up to me to judge how someone else's relationship works. I figure we all have our own stuff to be concerned with!
 

toddburme

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I love the French endearment chou chou. This is a pet peeve of mine. Married couples who treat each other badly. I think even after a long time together, we should use the same respect for each other that we would use for a stranger. I understand the need to cut corners at times but when it becomes the norm or erodes into abusive behavior, it irks me. I also have seen the studies that unequal relationships last longer etc. but seriously is that what we want in our personal lives?
 

gillumhouse

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the only interaction between guests that set my teeth on edge was when a 21 year old brat, on her way to a horse competition that Mommy was paying the freight for, spoke to her Mother in a nasty, sassy, and demeaning way. I wanted to smack both of them silly! The "kid?" for speaking that way and the Mother for allowing it. I promise you, even when my kids were their MOST difficult and non-cooperative, my kids would NEVER have spoken to me in that way or tone of voice. I demanded and received respect. As my parents always said, You do not have to love us but you WILL show us respect! They got both, BTW.
 

Alibi Ike

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We hear a lot of this. In many cases it is the way the couple works. As long as the fetcher or the toter does not seem put out by it, that's what works for them.
Even my spouse says his job is to 'carry the heavy stuff' which, to him, includes the leftovers from a restaurant when we walk home.
In a reversal, tho, it's odd to see the wife carrying all the luggage into the house while the husband stands around eating the cookies and making small talk. But, he might not be able to help out and her doing it allows them to still travel.
The only thing that really sets my teeth on edge is abusive language or glaring or name calling. In your situation if the wife in question had said to the spouse, 'Go down the street and get me coffee!'.
I don't know... it's just foreign to me. If I want a coffee and I'm able to get it, I get it. I don't expect someone else to do it for me. Certainly wouldn't expect someone else to carry my luggage if I'm perfectly able. But even if I wasn't, I would never call someone else "beast of burden" like someone indentured. I guess for me, it's the aspect of expectation.. it's nice if they volonteer, but to expect someone to do it is something entirely foreign to me.
Big difference between... "my back is hurting, can you get me something at the pharmacy" from "I want a coffee, go out and get me one."
.
I'm almost certain the 'beast of burden' comment is not the first time that spouse has heard that said. Thus, my comment about how couples get along. I have friends who regularly say 'FU' to their spouses when the spouses tick them off. It's how they work. 35 years married and something else behind the scenes must be keeping them together. OTOH, maybe it's being able to be open when the spouse is pushing boundaries. Or being able to joke around with each other. 'Beast of burden' is probably a long-standing joke.
Same goes for how they talk about each other to other people. Altho I cannot stand when a family member calls his not thin wife 'beef' she seems to take it as a term of endearment. And she calls him by a French 'term of endearment' that means nothing to most people, but you sure would know what she was saying and perhaps be appalled. ;)
.
In French, to call a woman a cow is the equivalent to the English term for a female dog.
Lost me on the term of endearment, though. There are so many.... starting with calling people cabbage (which is just plain odd, if you asked me.)
.
I wasn't going to repeat it here. She basically calls him by the body part that rules his existence. And I don't mean his brain. But it's a 'term of endearment' with them, like 'beef'. Not cow, mind, beef.
 

JBloggs

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We have seen it all in this business.
Interaction between guests is what it is. I mean, if you ever heard the way my parents speak to each other the hair on the back of your neck would stand up! Then my in-laws passive aggressive ways are much meaner that my mother calling my father an SOB in public.
I hear you tho, we live a certain way and sometimes it is unsettling. That is your perspective, mine is totally different to yours. We have had what I felt were abusive comments here, and in fact an overriding unsettling negative feeling a shroud, if you will, surrounded this person I am thinking of right now. Brought the whole atmosphere down at the table.
As for getting coffee, hauling bags, that is not what I speak of. I told a guest the other day the story of the couple who were "Llama trekking" and he thought it was pretty neat, you pack a llama up with the picnic basket, blanket etc and I said "Why she has you!" In jest, as always.
A gal came to pay this morning while the husband was outside, should he have come in? Sure, but who cares, really. Chilvary is dead!.
A gal came to pay this morning while the husband was outside, should he have come in? Sure, but who cares, really. Chilvary is dead!
I always did, and still do, take care of the financial end of our travels. For years I did the checkbook and everything (less grief with robbing Peter to pay Paul) until one day I got fed up hearing the "tape" I cannot understand why we never have any money and took the checkbook and bill pile and dumped it in his lap. Then HE had to figure out how to pay for his "toys" - of course by then we no longer had the 2-legged animals to support so it was easier.
Who does what in a family is the same as it is with us doing this industry - he who does it best gets the task regardless of gender. We were just brought up that Daddy brings home the paycheck (a standard that makes my brother dislike DH to this day since I did that better), Mom does the cooking and laundry and brings up the kids..... Because of the way things were in our house, our middle son was comfortable to, after running the numbers, stop working and take care of his son the first year (it cost them less than daycare would). Today, after the divorce, they have joint custody but he has his son more and a fantastic bond that would not exist had we been the "norm". And my sons respect strong women but do not fear them.
.
gillumhouse said:
A gal came to pay this morning while the husband was outside, should he have come in? Sure, but who cares, really. Chilvary is dead!
I always did, and still do, take care of the financial end of our travels. For years I did the checkbook and everything (less grief with robbing Peter to pay Paul) until one day I got fed up hearing the "tape" I cannot understand why we never have any money and took the checkbook and bill pile and dumped it in his lap. Then HE had to figure out how to pay for his "toys" - of course by then we no longer had the 2-legged animals to support so it was easier.
Who does what in a family is the same as it is with us doing this industry - he who does it best gets the task regardless of gender. We were just brought up that Daddy brings home the paycheck (a standard that makes my brother dislike DH to this day since I did that better), Mom does the cooking and laundry and brings up the kids..... Because of the way things were in our house, our middle son was comfortable to, after running the numbers, stop working and take care of his son the first year (it cost them less than daycare would). Today, after the divorce, they have joint custody but he has his son more and a fantastic bond that would not exist had we been the "norm". And my sons respect strong women but do not fear them.
Oh I agree. None of us are the same in our marriages, that is how it works best.
Just adding to the impression that some people might have over a comment, whereas something like who pays the bill "used to be" what was out of place.
 

Generic

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We hear a lot of this. In many cases it is the way the couple works. As long as the fetcher or the toter does not seem put out by it, that's what works for them.
Even my spouse says his job is to 'carry the heavy stuff' which, to him, includes the leftovers from a restaurant when we walk home.
In a reversal, tho, it's odd to see the wife carrying all the luggage into the house while the husband stands around eating the cookies and making small talk. But, he might not be able to help out and her doing it allows them to still travel.
The only thing that really sets my teeth on edge is abusive language or glaring or name calling. In your situation if the wife in question had said to the spouse, 'Go down the street and get me coffee!'.
I don't know... it's just foreign to me. If I want a coffee and I'm able to get it, I get it. I don't expect someone else to do it for me. Certainly wouldn't expect someone else to carry my luggage if I'm perfectly able. But even if I wasn't, I would never call someone else "beast of burden" like someone indentured. I guess for me, it's the aspect of expectation.. it's nice if they volonteer, but to expect someone to do it is something entirely foreign to me.
Big difference between... "my back is hurting, can you get me something at the pharmacy" from "I want a coffee, go out and get me one."
.
I'm almost certain the 'beast of burden' comment is not the first time that spouse has heard that said. Thus, my comment about how couples get along. I have friends who regularly say 'FU' to their spouses when the spouses tick them off. It's how they work. 35 years married and something else behind the scenes must be keeping them together. OTOH, maybe it's being able to be open when the spouse is pushing boundaries. Or being able to joke around with each other. 'Beast of burden' is probably a long-standing joke.
Same goes for how they talk about each other to other people. Altho I cannot stand when a family member calls his not thin wife 'beef' she seems to take it as a term of endearment. And she calls him by a French 'term of endearment' that means nothing to most people, but you sure would know what she was saying and perhaps be appalled. ;)
.
In French, to call a woman a cow is the equivalent to the English term for a female dog.
Lost me on the term of endearment, though. There are so many.... starting with calling people cabbage (which is just plain odd, if you asked me.)
.
I wasn't going to repeat it here. She basically calls him by the body part that rules his existence. And I don't mean his brain. But it's a 'term of endearment' with them, like 'beef'. Not cow, mind, beef.
.
Rooster :)
 

agoodman

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Lived in France for many years, I don't think we can generalize like that
 
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