Dealing with Death

[YellowSocks]

Hi, I've been searching high and low for various advice on how fellow innkeepers handle emergencies and this topic popped up. Perhaps those with personal experience can offer some advice.
My wife's father is a week to maybe a few weeks from dying and we're confronted with the busiest three months of the year starting today. Our families live several states away as does her father. We've already closed down three times since January to go help care for him since her 51 year old brother and then primary caregiver of the dad died of a sudden heart attack from the strain of it all.
Tough year 'round here........ puts kind of a sour spin on business picking back up since 2008.
Have looked into innsitters, but prefer to try and handle the first few days of her being gone with myself and a few neighbors who have helped out during the past year's worth of medical emergencies requiring her leaving.
We wouldn't try to move out any existing guests until or unless their stay overlapped when the services and funeral would be as I'd need to leave for that. The tentative plan is to have her be there hopefully in time to say goodbye and stay at least 1.5 weeks and have me get there for the services, spend a few days helping however I can and then get back here to open things back again with the aid of the neighbors.
Our area has many great B&Bs and we've made our 8-10 most trusted colleagues aware of the situation and most have offered various levels of support and help including accepting guests if any there are any vacancies.
Any thoughts on how anyone has handled the most stressfull part of this which we're finding is the unknowing of anything resembling a concrete date or window of dates to start making all these arrangements?
Also, how did anyone going through something like this keep their composure and stay "up" in front of the guests as things started getting really bad? We're struggling staying focused, not that most guests would blame us if were off our game a little, all things considered.
Thanks, EI.

Our area has many great B&Bs and we've made our 8-10 most trusted colleagues aware of the situation and most have offered various levels of support and help including accepting guests if any there are any vacancies.
Any thoughts on how anyone has handled the most stressfull part of this which we're finding is the unknowing of anything resembling a concrete date or window of dates to start making all these arrangements?
Also, how did anyone going through something like this keep their composure and stay "up" in front of the guests as things started getting really bad? We're struggling staying focused, not that most guests would blame us if were off our game a little, all things considered.

For starters, ((hugs)). And I'm not sure how much I can advise as every situation is different.
IMO, take any help that is offered to you. Let them help you, and sometime down the road you can pay them back or pay it forward. You'd want to do the same for them, if the places were reversed, so let them do what they can.
I don't think the concrete day is the most stressful part, although it doesn't help. People have an odd way of living on and on, or dying suddenly (at least in my life), so you just never know what's next. It's when it actually happens and you're not there... that will suck.
We tend to avoid religion on this forum, but since your login is Ethical_Innkeeper I hope you'll forgive some "religious" input. Basically, it's just that there is Grace and God is generous with it. My husband left me a couple of months ago... fortunately it was not while we actually had guests in the house. And the first guests who came after his departure were about as perfect as if God had hand selected them to ease me into single innkeeping.
I fretted about telling or not telling my guests, but it has not been as hard as I thought it would be. Some guests never know anything about it... they come, they eat, I'm upbeat, and all's well. Some guests are repeats from last year (who eventually notice his absence) and some of them (not all) do get told (a little of) what happened, but they have been absolutely fabulous and supportive... have had really wonderful advice for me, are praying for me, all kinds of cool things.
Some guests I fear are not receiving as good a treatment as they would have in the past as I am tired and tend to disappear after check ins... but while *I* know that my performance is not as good as it was last year, I find that my performance is still more than adequate... the guests are still happy. One reason for that is because I have one more year under my belt than I did last year... I'm not on autopilot, but I'm not as green and it helps.
So, all that to say just do your best, LET people help you, and trust God because He IS gracious! It will be hard, and parts of it will suck, but don't add any more worry to your load than you absolutely have to.
Hugs!
=)
Kk.
.

Oh, I am so sorry! I wondered why we didn't meet your husband on our recent visit. The boys seemed very happy and you were so competent. Now I really wish we'd had more than one night and not so busy with the graduation, so we could have had time to talk.
Just know this. You did a great job alone on a busy weekend and you are fully capable of carrying on. You're a lovely woman and I'm just so sorry that you are facing such a trial. I will be one who is praying for you.
.

Oh, I am so sorry! I wondered why we didn't meet your husband on our recent visit. The boys seemed very happy and you were so competent. Now I really wish we'd had more than one night and not so busy with the graduation, so we could have had time to talk.
Just know this. You did a great job alone on a busy weekend and you are fully capable of carrying on. You're a lovely woman and I'm just so sorry that you are facing such a trial. I will be one who is praying for you.

Aww.... thanks!!!
Like I said, with many guests (esp. the one nighters) it never even comes up. The repeats, however, are a different story!
=)
Kk.

 

[Mini]

I'm sorry for your family's loss!