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gillumhouse

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Our daughter is coming to replace our shed so I went out to take aome crap to the curg. I discovered one of Daddy's CB radios that is in perfect conditi9on. The box is weathered, but the radio looks preistine. Does anyone do CB any more?
OK, in the rafters of the shed is a lawn chair type rocking chair that he bought for the first wife while she was pergnant with the twins. It has been there for years because it is unsafe to sit on. I took it to the curb and have just had to spend the last 15 minutes defending myself for "Why does it bother you so much?" when he told me to bring it back from the curb - one of the kids might want it because it was Sheila's. And I am the one accused of getting worked up because she is mentioned? Lord help me! I do not care about Sheila, He does not understand that after all these years nothing that was used by her can be thrown away just because it is junk. It has to go through asking tjhe kids if they want it first because it was hers. THAT is what bothers me. He says I have a problem with her even after all these years. The man is an IDIOT!!!
I raised her kids and made them mine by adopting them so her family could never get them if something happened to him (and today they acknowledge I saved them by raising them). I lived in a house with her name on it for 19 years because he would not get an "our" house. Unless Cierra is another form of Sheila three of my 4 granddaughters has some form of Sheila in their name and if so 4 of 4. I took grief from her family for taking down her stuff in the kitchen (and I washed it, dried it, wrapped and boxed so the kids could have it later - and we waited until everyone was old enough and settled to give it to them), I was dumped on for using the china for a holiday dinner that I invited THEM to because it was supposed to be saved for the oldest daughter. The darn chair was still usable when we moved here and is not now. Thanks for listening. He has gone back to his ball game or art show or whatever and I, thanks to you, have stopped seeing blood spurting from my eyes as JBJ puts it. I guess it will be this way until the day one of us dies and I am thinking more and more that she took the easy way.
 

mooseberry

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I am so sorry you have to endure all this. I hear many times how hard it is to be the second wife.
Don't blame yourself or let it get to you.
I think they never finished grieving over the loos of her ( I think she is deseased? ) but they just have to learn to let go and go on with their lives.
After 19 years...my god.
Stay strong and remember, we are a shoulder you can cry on.
Maggie
 

JBloggs

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We're here for you K.
Just as an fyi for anyone that is interested I saw A&E is beginning a program on hoarders tomorrow evening, 10pm/9 central. I watched part of one today with a man with OCD who could not throw a pill away that was on the ground (amongst the rubble), it held memories for him from his childhood when Mama would give him a pill. So just mentioning that to say what you already know - it is psychological more than anything.
HANG IN THERE!!
 

aieechihuahua

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Calm down dear...you can get through this.
Now...give the chair, (and anything else you want to get rid of), to one of the kids and ask them to dispose of it quietly, descretly and forever in a dumpster somewhere on their way home.
That ought to make you feel really good, and he'll never know!
Good luck! And if you can figure out how I can get my husband to part with a disgusting rug that has no binding on it, holes in it, is dirty and looks like hell, but used to belong to his deceased and much loved step-brother, let me know.
 

gillumhouse

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I am so sorry you have to endure all this. I hear many times how hard it is to be the second wife.
Don't blame yourself or let it get to you.
I think they never finished grieving over the loos of her ( I think she is deseased? ) but they just have to learn to let go and go on with their lives.
After 19 years...my god.
Stay strong and remember, we are a shoulder you can cry on.
Maggie.
No, not 19 years - she died in 1973. It was 19 years in Illinois before we came here. He is not still grieving - I actually believe they would not have still been together if she were alive. It is just that it was hers so the kids might want it. The twins were 3 when she died! When they die, the shrine goes up.
We knew a woman who made her home a shrine to the deceased husband. A devout Catholic, she made the new guy jump through the hoops to get an annulment so they could marry. He did, they married, but I guess living in the shrine got to him because it did not last. I guess she had to get that annuled so she would be "clean" again. With the death, all bad habits and things that irritated and any other flaws cease to exist - only the perfect remains.
Quite frankly, Sheila does not bother me, I do not even think about it now I have my own house finally. It is the fact that if she touched it, it is sacred unless the kids says it can be thrown away. I doubt if they would even think ablut that chair. It is stupid to even be talking about it yet here I am doing just that. Grrrrr.
 

gillumhouse

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Calm down dear...you can get through this.
Now...give the chair, (and anything else you want to get rid of), to one of the kids and ask them to dispose of it quietly, descretly and forever in a dumpster somewhere on their way home.
That ought to make you feel really good, and he'll never know!
Good luck! And if you can figure out how I can get my husband to part with a disgusting rug that has no binding on it, holes in it, is dirty and looks like hell, but used to belong to his deceased and much loved step-brother, let me know..
Closest kid is 600 miles away. She is coming in about 6 weeks to put up the shed. She will look at it and ask why it was still in the shed?
 

Samster

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Here is the other side of the coin - We have a neighbor here and I helped him care for his wife of 35 years while she battled metastatic cancer for 4 months at home on hospice. Less than 8 months after her death he remarried and the second wife was wearing her clothes! He paid off the second wife's huge debts. He has forgotten about his own grown children and has taken on all the problems of the 2 stepchildren (different fathers). His new wife's father was living in the family home after he bought another house for the new wife and her teenage daughter. Now, the older stepdaughter is living in the family home by herself. He does not even know the name of his own son's newest child. How do I know all this? One of his dil's called me recently to talk to me because she is still grieving over the loss of her mil 3 years later. It's a very sad situation to me especially since they were a devoted couple and I know what she asked him to do for their kids when she was dying.....
 

YellowSocks

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Calm down dear...you can get through this.
Now...give the chair, (and anything else you want to get rid of), to one of the kids and ask them to dispose of it quietly, descretly and forever in a dumpster somewhere on their way home.
That ought to make you feel really good, and he'll never know!
Good luck! And if you can figure out how I can get my husband to part with a disgusting rug that has no binding on it, holes in it, is dirty and looks like hell, but used to belong to his deceased and much loved step-brother, let me know..
Closest kid is 600 miles away. She is coming in about 6 weeks to put up the shed. She will look at it and ask why it was still in the shed?
.
gillumhouse said:
Closest kid is 600 miles away. She is coming in about 6 weeks to put up the shed. She will look at it and ask why it was still in the shed?
And you tell her that "Dad said to save it for you!" Then she can throw it out and it will be gone.
Vent away.
And remember, it could be worse...
=)
Kk.
 

gillumhouse

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Calm down dear...you can get through this.
Now...give the chair, (and anything else you want to get rid of), to one of the kids and ask them to dispose of it quietly, descretly and forever in a dumpster somewhere on their way home.
That ought to make you feel really good, and he'll never know!
Good luck! And if you can figure out how I can get my husband to part with a disgusting rug that has no binding on it, holes in it, is dirty and looks like hell, but used to belong to his deceased and much loved step-brother, let me know..
Closest kid is 600 miles away. She is coming in about 6 weeks to put up the shed. She will look at it and ask why it was still in the shed?
.
gillumhouse said:
Closest kid is 600 miles away. She is coming in about 6 weeks to put up the shed. She will look at it and ask why it was still in the shed?
And you tell her that "Dad said to save it for you!" Then she can throw it out and it will be gone.
Vent away.
And remember, it could be worse...
=)
Kk.
.
Update. After putting me though all that, he actually went out to look at the @#$ chair. Found one of his missing C-clamps he had put on it to hold it together. After all that HE tossed it. Mumble, mumble, grumble
man..........
 

Samster

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Calm down dear...you can get through this.
Now...give the chair, (and anything else you want to get rid of), to one of the kids and ask them to dispose of it quietly, descretly and forever in a dumpster somewhere on their way home.
That ought to make you feel really good, and he'll never know!
Good luck! And if you can figure out how I can get my husband to part with a disgusting rug that has no binding on it, holes in it, is dirty and looks like hell, but used to belong to his deceased and much loved step-brother, let me know..
Closest kid is 600 miles away. She is coming in about 6 weeks to put up the shed. She will look at it and ask why it was still in the shed?
.
gillumhouse said:
Closest kid is 600 miles away. She is coming in about 6 weeks to put up the shed. She will look at it and ask why it was still in the shed?
And you tell her that "Dad said to save it for you!" Then she can throw it out and it will be gone.
Vent away.
And remember, it could be worse...
=)
Kk.
.
Update. After putting me though all that, he actually went out to look at the @#$ chair. Found one of his missing C-clamps he had put on it to hold it together. After all that HE tossed it. Mumble, mumble, grumble
man..........
.
Good grief! But at least now he'll be happy that it was his decision. Maybe?? It is heck to be married to a hoarder!
 

gillumhouse

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Calm down dear...you can get through this.
Now...give the chair, (and anything else you want to get rid of), to one of the kids and ask them to dispose of it quietly, descretly and forever in a dumpster somewhere on their way home.
That ought to make you feel really good, and he'll never know!
Good luck! And if you can figure out how I can get my husband to part with a disgusting rug that has no binding on it, holes in it, is dirty and looks like hell, but used to belong to his deceased and much loved step-brother, let me know..
Closest kid is 600 miles away. She is coming in about 6 weeks to put up the shed. She will look at it and ask why it was still in the shed?
.
gillumhouse said:
Closest kid is 600 miles away. She is coming in about 6 weeks to put up the shed. She will look at it and ask why it was still in the shed?
And you tell her that "Dad said to save it for you!" Then she can throw it out and it will be gone.
Vent away.
And remember, it could be worse...
=)
Kk.
.
Update. After putting me though all that, he actually went out to look at the @#$ chair. Found one of his missing C-clamps he had put on it to hold it together. After all that HE tossed it. Mumble, mumble, grumble
man..........
.
Good grief! But at least now he'll be happy that it was his decision. Maybe?? It is heck to be married to a hoarder!
.
Coming from a long line of pack rats I know how bad pack ratting is - paperwork is my pack because of fear of needing proof in the future. DH collects art books, motorcycle books, gun books, books on airplanes, art supplies, photography things (has several old Nikons & lenses). The toss out problem occurs mostly when it is something that was associated with Sheila - one of the kids might want it...... He maintains that he refers to her as Sheila with the kids and me as Kath so there will not be any confusion - that would fly if she came up in conversation often but she does not. He does not even notice what he says and does until I point it out and then I am being unreasonable. He learned manipulation at his Mother's knee.....
 

seashanty

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as a widow, i try not to elevate my late husband to sainthood. he wasn't perfect, but he was perfect for me. you are not in an easy place to be.
every month i pay a storage unit rental fee to hold things his son doesn't know if he wants. i don't know what to do with them. maybe i want them, maybe it's mostly junk. i could have sold some on ebay back a few years ago, but the cycle of collectables swung the other way. wish i had a big, old barn to keep them in.
 

Proud Texan

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Calm down dear...you can get through this.
Now...give the chair, (and anything else you want to get rid of), to one of the kids and ask them to dispose of it quietly, descretly and forever in a dumpster somewhere on their way home.
That ought to make you feel really good, and he'll never know!
Good luck! And if you can figure out how I can get my husband to part with a disgusting rug that has no binding on it, holes in it, is dirty and looks like hell, but used to belong to his deceased and much loved step-brother, let me know..
Closest kid is 600 miles away. She is coming in about 6 weeks to put up the shed. She will look at it and ask why it was still in the shed?
.
gillumhouse said:
Closest kid is 600 miles away. She is coming in about 6 weeks to put up the shed. She will look at it and ask why it was still in the shed?
And you tell her that "Dad said to save it for you!" Then she can throw it out and it will be gone.
Vent away.
And remember, it could be worse...
=)
Kk.
.
Update. After putting me though all that, he actually went out to look at the @#$ chair. Found one of his missing C-clamps he had put on it to hold it together. After all that HE tossed it. Mumble, mumble, grumble
man..........
.
gillumhouse said:
Update. After putting me though all that, he actually went out to look at the @#$ chair. Found one of his missing C-clamps he had put on it to hold it together. After all that HE tossed it. Mumble, mumble, grumble
man..........
You could always saw part way through his crutches.
 

gillumhouse

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Calm down dear...you can get through this.
Now...give the chair, (and anything else you want to get rid of), to one of the kids and ask them to dispose of it quietly, descretly and forever in a dumpster somewhere on their way home.
That ought to make you feel really good, and he'll never know!
Good luck! And if you can figure out how I can get my husband to part with a disgusting rug that has no binding on it, holes in it, is dirty and looks like hell, but used to belong to his deceased and much loved step-brother, let me know..
Closest kid is 600 miles away. She is coming in about 6 weeks to put up the shed. She will look at it and ask why it was still in the shed?
.
gillumhouse said:
Closest kid is 600 miles away. She is coming in about 6 weeks to put up the shed. She will look at it and ask why it was still in the shed?
And you tell her that "Dad said to save it for you!" Then she can throw it out and it will be gone.
Vent away.
And remember, it could be worse...
=)
Kk.
.
Update. After putting me though all that, he actually went out to look at the @#$ chair. Found one of his missing C-clamps he had put on it to hold it together. After all that HE tossed it. Mumble, mumble, grumble
man..........
.
gillumhouse said:
Update. After putting me though all that, he actually went out to look at the @#$ chair. Found one of his missing C-clamps he had put on it to hold it together. After all that HE tossed it. Mumble, mumble, grumble
man..........
You could always saw part way through his crutches.
.
You could always saw part way through his crutches.
Are you kidding? I have to wait on him enough as it is! All he needs is an excuse to pull my chain even more! Cement! Where did I put the cement?
And then he goes and rubs my legs for me or gives me a really nice thank you card. And I again forget where I put the cement......
 

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