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Morticia

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Haven't shared this far and wide even tho I know some of you do know about it. But, the topic of burnout made me think it might be a good time to share. What happens when you're going along doing your happy little innkeeper thing is life. My mom has been in the hospital for the past 2 weeks recovering from major surgery. First there was the worry about the surgery itself, then the worry when she didn't come around in quite record speed.
The drs said 5-6 days recovery in the hospital. She's been there 14 days today, had 2 setbacks and an additional surgery.
What's a daughter to do? I've driven 600 miles twice in the past 2 weeks to be with her. I call the hospital everyday and talk to the nursing staff, I call the dr's offices to find out what's next. Who runs the inn? Gomez. Can Gomez do it all himself? No way. So what happens is we block rooms. Mom will never read this so here what happens when we block rooms- we lose money. What happens when we lose money? We don't go visit my daughter who just moved to CA the day after mom's surgery.
Daughter moving to CA when I'm worried about my mother surviving major surgery means I did not get to say goodbye to daughter and grandkids in person. That's another 800 mile trip I just couldn't squeeze in the time frame allotted.
Guess what piles up besides laundry & dust bunnies? Guilt.
So, burnout doesn't just come from strangers in the house, it comes from strangers in the house when you have to be elsewhere but you've promised these folks a place to stay. (YES, the exact same folks who will yell at you when they want to cancel because someone stubbed a toe in their family!) Que sera, sera.
And I know my worrying about my mom's surgery is minor compared with innkeepers whose parents and other family members have died with a full house wanting breakfast. But, like everything else in life, it's major when it's happening to you and you can't do anything about it.
PS- She just called while I was typing this and she's going home tomorrow. Hallelujah!
 

wendydk

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I'm sorry Mort, I hope everything works out for you. I know all too well EXACTLY what you're talking about. And now everyone knows just why our place is for sale.
 

Breakfast Diva

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Mort, I also know how you feel and how difficult it is to deal with the stress and guilt and overwhelming pressure of it all. You just described my life for the last 2 1/2 years. Hang in there. You are doing the very best you're capable of and you're doing a great job. I'm so glad your mother is doing well enough to go home. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
 

Country Girl

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I'm sorry for your troubles. Sometimes when it rains it really pours. I hope your daughter understands. It was probably harder on you than her. I hope your Mom continues to improve. No matter what, take that vacation to visit your daughter in CA when you can. Life does happen and that's why you need to make time for vacations. There will always be bills to pay.
 

Proud Texan

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We're about to go through something similar. DW's mother is 90 and really needs to be in a nursing home. Right now, she lives with DW's sister who serves as her caregiver, but who is also in failing health.
Well, dear mother-in-law lives 100 miles from here. We are looking into nearby nursing homes, which would solve the distance issue, but we will still have to deal with her house and belongings after she is relocated requiring many trips back and forth.
We will probably just block off the time need to get everything done. But, if push comes to shove, one of us can handle the day to day operation of the B&B for the short term.
 

Don Draper

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So sorry to hear you are going through this Mort. This sounds encouraging that your Mom is getting to go home tomorrow, hope that is the case?
DH's mother died very unexpectedly after an illness this past Spring, so yes, that definitely contributes to "burnout" or whatever it's called.
 

Red Handed Jill

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(((Morticia))) Do what you can, when and where you can. I wish I could think of something helpful to suggest. I've been where you are (not with innkeeping, but another career) and you're really between a rock and a hard place. Will keep you in my thoughts.
 

agoodman

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As someone who lost both parents in the space of 2 years and after waiting 15 years for my green card to join them, I learnt this and promised I would "share" so that others don't make the same mistakes I made .... there is NOTHING more important than spending time with family during these times, EVERYTHING else can wait and will be there when you get back, although of course we have to eat the revenue loss. I spent a lot of time with my dad towards the end, but even those times I did my part time job, went out or did other "non ABSOLUTELY essential" things, I regret to this day .. so if you can and I know its not always possible, spend as much time with her as you can and everything else will take care ot itself. I have an excellent and affordable interim innkeeper if you need one. Hang in there
 

birdwatcher

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Oh Mort--Im so sorry and I agree with everyone. Guilt seems to be one of those things that sometimes I take when I should not and sometimes it makes me really angry that I feel guilty if something is not done or someone else goes beyond what is expected to do this. My husband always says that guilt is something that you allow yourself to feel when you should not if its not something that you can help.
Having an Inn is stressful in itself but sometimes as your title states: Life Happens and then you just have to roll with it. Praying and keeping you and yours in my thoughts and prayers-glad your mom is better.
 

One Day

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Morticia........that's a hard one to deal with.
The business I am in.......I married the business when I was in my 20's......wrong move.
I've gone through what you describe countless number of times.....with myself and family.
As you know.....and so many of you know.....your success is dependent on you. It doesn't have to be that way. There has to be an avenue where any business owner can attend to pressing situations, even if that means being physicaly away from the business. if necessary more than just a few days
What comes with the territory......costs......so be it......Figure what costs the least and will have the least impact with a temporary absentee owner/manager
Most importantly......do what ever is necessary that keeps you sane......for some, they can deal with such things from afar......others can't........decide on what will satisfy your needs......not just business or financial needs......the needs of your heart, well being and phsycological control......you know you best, though you may need others close to you to point those things out
 

seashanty

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i'm sorry. (hugs)
sometimes, often-times, you can't physically be where your heart wants you to be. i can't take your guilt away. i wish i could.
use the phone
send cards
send notes
use the internet, live chat, email, webcam ... i dragged a 90 year old relative into this century and ... really ... how wonderful for her to look at the computer and talk, see faces ... she loves 'visiting' with her great grandchildren every day. they live so far away but she feels like she sees them all the time. they run up to the computer and signal her ... and on she goes. looking at drawings and scraped knees ... hearing about what they had for lunch and why they only want spaghettio's.
my own dad wouldn't do it, but this relative is a great grandma ... and is loving it. she doesn't surf the net, just chats on the webcam and skypes and watches videos over and over. her son had an elder cam system installed also ... so they could see her in different rooms of the house. not a secret, spy cam ... she knows it's there and feels safer.
anyway, the internet is how i connect with my own children who are all over the place. i really do feel so much closer to them just live chatting. just a thought.
 

Copperhead

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So happy to hear she is finally going home!!! She will heal so much quicker there... Prayers continue for her and for you.
When things like this happen it is so very hard to put on the pretend happy face and continue to do our daily tasks. Your mind, heart and soul are elsewhere. For years I had thought of 'what we would do' when one of my parents were ill or worse and I could not come up with a solid plan. When it happened, you realize that no matter what your 'plan' would have been, nothing prepares you for any of it.
SS, what a great story. Mort, I sure hope you are able to Skype with your grands... What a great time in life to live that we have this capability! I think back to the early days of this country where our ancestors left family and friends to start lives in America, some never to hear from those they left behind ever again. Yes, we are blessed with technology. I know that saying this does not ease the feelings you are feeling though. Nothing beats the warmth of a childs hug. ((( hugs)))
 

bbinnsitters

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Mort, now would be a good time for you to find a capable Inn-sitter that you can call on for future emergencies. Take the time to train them to do things the way you do. I know Innkeepers that have 2 or 3 Inn-sitters because their favorite one might not always be available when needed. Life happens and it is always a good idea to be prepared.
 

InnBloom

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I'm so sorry this is happening for you. I live in fear all the time of what would (will) happen when one of my elderly parents has a crisis.
Guilt is a terrible thing, and I understand why you're feeling it, but I hope you can find a way to minimize it. You are obviously doing just as much as possible...you simply cannot do more than you can do. I LOVE Seashanty's advice.
I know you don't know me, because I'm new on the forum, but I feel like I know you a bit because I've been reading so long....and I'm sorry you're having to deal with this! I wish you peace...
 

egoodell

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Sending good thoughts your way! Wishes for a speedy recovery for your mom
Riki
 

innovermyhead

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Those big distances make everything tougher. But I am sure Mom & Daughter both know how much you love them and how hard you are trying. Try not to be hard on yourself (this coming from the queen of guilt). Take care!
 

Joey Camb

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Hope your mum is getting better and am glad to hear that she is comming out of hospital. As some of you know I have been covering for a similar siuation for one of my friends as her father in law died unexpectedly in India (we are in England) It is always worth training people to help I have three trainiees learning with me at the moment as my parents who occasionally help are getting on in years (they enjoy helping but I am more realistic about how much they can handle) I prefer to have people I know looking after my place as it is my reputation on the line. If push came to shove i could cover for two weeks to be away if I had to.
 

wendydk

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Mort, now would be a good time for you to find a capable Inn-sitter that you can call on for future emergencies. Take the time to train them to do things the way you do. I know Innkeepers that have 2 or 3 Inn-sitters because their favorite one might not always be available when needed. Life happens and it is always a good idea to be prepared..
suellen222 said:
Mort, now would be a good time for you to find a capable Inn-sitter that you can call on for future emergencies.
Hi Sue...long time no hear from!! I think I agree with you on this one. I never hired an Innsitter in all this time, but wish I would have. Now that I look back on it, the money would have been well spent if it meant that one or both of us didn't have to miss family events. If this deal ends on a happy note for us, I will offer to Innsit for the NO if I can....and I'm already trained!
 
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