Question: When is Enough

[GeorgiaGirl]

Stick with your 6 weeks, he cannot make you stay 7 months! Sounds like an absolute TYRANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[YellowSocks]

Six weeks is generous. Tell him X is our last day here. If our replacement is here before then, we'll train him. Otherwise, you train him. The day after we're gone.
Then do it.
I only quit abruptly once in my life for a very abusive boss who kept wanting more and more... I was literally doing three people's jobs, stressed to the max, many hours a day and no free time... when she had the nerve to insult me and hang up on me. Sending that fax (keep your money, I'm outta here) was the best thing I ever did. I probably lost about $3000 in the process, but I never looked back.
Give him the six weeks. If he doesn't like it, give him six days instead!
AND GET OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!
No one should have to live in a situation where they are acting against their own belief system!
Best of luck to you both...
=/
Kk.

 

[scrambled_eggs]

You should probably get out of there and find a smaller B & B to run. Something more manageable. 17 rooms is too much. 5 or less would be better. Innkeeping can be enjoyable but it sounds awful what you are going through and you are probably just at the wrong place. I would give him 6 days notice.

 

[happykeeper]

Hi SummerSeed, welcome to the group. Glad you decided to post and open up about your problem. You have found a place that can help you. This group has already provided you with a good start with the information you have provided. I know in the past we have had a couple of other hired innkeepers on the forum hopefully they are still around and will chime in.
After reading the posts, sit down with a blank sheet and right a list of what you like (or liked) about this job in one column and what you dislike in the other, then go back and highlight under the dislike items that YOU can control whether it be on your own or by having a heart to heart with your boss. Change what you can on your own and see where that gets you. Then get with your boss on other issues including the big one - time off! It is only after determining where the problems are can you then work toward the solution.
Others mentioned wanting more info so we can assist you more - My questions are about the B&B's history - Has this been a B&B prior to you being the innkeeper? How long did the previous innkeeper stay? If your guests are mainly problem guests - maybe there is a need to raise rates, when was the last time rates were raised? You mentioned 'things braking' - (read other threads and you will know that this is common) but was the place well maintained?
As you work through all this, you have us to sound off to. Let us help you!.

SummerSeed is actually my husband, so I think it appropriate (since we're Co-Inn Managers) to elaborate further and help answer questions. Forgive me if this is a bit rambling, there's so much on our minds and making it perfectly eloquent is too much work! (Maybe a list is most efficient?)
Firstly, we relocated almost 4 hours away from all our friends and family to take this job. We were interested in relocating because the area we liked was young, progressive, open-minded, environmentally-concious, and had a milder climate. In essence, it was the exact opposite of the apathetic, ultra-conservative, snow belt town we were leaving. We made the naive assumption that the area the job was in would be just like the area we loved even though they're about an hour apart. In reality, our new "home" has an average age of 55 (we're early 20's), and is well known for it's "lush culture" [think classical orchestra and ballet] and "luxury living". Getting a job was a time sensitive issue, and when we were offered this one we didn't think to make sure it was a place we wanted to be [much less a place we wanted to "sell" to our guests]. Needless to say, we pretty much hate it here and are convinced we'll never feel at home.
We wanted to try to assimilate, but in an area where a thrifty dinner out runs about $50, we just can't find a way to socialize without blowing our paycheck. And the people here just aren't our "type".
Additionally, the longer we are employed (we don't own the Inn, just manage it) the more and more we find piled on our plates. My welcome tour has literally expanded from 5 minutes to 15 in the last 6 months because new policies and procedures and offerings and sales techniques get added on. Some guests are more curious/questioning than others, so it's really quite common for a tour to take 30 minutes. We have 17 rooms, and sometimes have 10 or more check-ins in a day, so this is just plain exhausting.
I'm realizing more and more that the real reason my days are so exhausting is because we have a very high-end clientel. Like, the kind of people that give you a 2-star review because the pillows weren't feather [they could have asked]. These are the kind of people that want *me* to pick where they eat dinner every night, make the reservations, order and hold their theater tickets until they arrive, confirm the quality of the seating, print off door-to-door directions, and answer every question they can think of while they scowl at me. Honestly, I don't believe in "luxury". Opulent living offends me. Yet I'm in a position where I coddle and spoon-feed spoiled rich people for a living. AHH!
On top of that, even on the days when we have no one in house (which during the slow season would sometimes be 4 or 5 days a week) We still work for 10 or 12 hours. Research needs to be done, emails replied to, workers and maintenance people are constantly show up unannounced, the phone rings and rings and rings, packages are dropped off, it never ends! Worst of all, people will show up completely unannounced all the time [even on Mother's Day, no kidding] wanting a tour of the Inn for a possible wedding or future stay. I can't wear comfortable, non-stuffy clothes on MY DAY "OFF" because we have NO privacy and are at the beck and call of everyone.
We have almost no control over our own privacy or personal time management. For example, we get 3 weeks paid vacation every year, but we have to take it between december and mid april to fit with our owner's demands. When we finally did plan our big vacation and told our boss the dates (which fit the period he had told us to plan within two weeks before) he made us cancel and rebook our flight and rental car to accomodate ONE DAY he wanted free so he could pack for his vacation. We didn't even get to choose when we could go on our own vacation!!! And every time we've been able to leave the Inn (for our big vacation, the mandatory Christmas vacation, and our anniversary) we've come back and literally been back at work before our coats were off or luggage taken out of the car. And by back to work I dont mean answering a phone, I mean having an unannounced business conference or doing a check-in.
The best way I can describe how I feel is this: Imagine if this Inn were underwater; when we started I had a big ol' air tank and complete set of scuba gear. If soemthing went wrong or broke or came up, I could take a deep breath and carry on. Now I've got a snorkle. If there's a bump in the road I'm gasping for air, panicking, and desperately trying to reach the surface. Trying to GET OUT.
When we told our boss last week that we wanted to leave we gave him 6 weeks notice and offered to train our replacement for free. He demanded almost 7 months. I honestly don't think I can tough this out. For the sake of my sanity, I really don't think I can....help!
.

Just in case your boss pops up tomorrow on innspiring, let's see if we can turn on the mirror for just a moment. Trust me when I say that this is not easy for innkeepers to do BUT when we do- a whole lot of good things happen.
Some of your comments would suggest your working in a class mentality. Take a look at that.
You mention socializing as if you are still want to close the bars. Take a look at that.
You act as if you are owed something but you haven't set any boundaries. Take a look at that.
Now look- this isn't harsh- I have had to look inside a lot since becoming an innkeeper and it isn't always pretty.
Just the same- a one-sided story is like a one-sided building- you only find them on a movie set.
The greatest gift you could give yourself right now is to put yourself in the owners shoes and make the best case for him that you can possibly make- and then take another look at that.

 

[JBloggs]

Sounds like more of a personal problem since you describe political issues, moving away from family and working too hard for too long. 5 hours (10 rooms x up to 30 minutes each which I am assuming is an exaggeration) worth of checking guests would not be so much fun, but neither is 5 hours working on a factory floor. The job is too much for you, if you can't have your vacation in the off season you complain, 3 weeks off sounds pretty luxurious to many of us on this forum. It sounds like you need to hire more help, but then you are worn out directing the help you currently have. I will take the opposite stand on this forum and tell you to quit as soon as possible, don't burn your bridges or you will always regret that.

 

[The Tipsy Butler]

Hi SummerSeed, welcome to the group. Glad you decided to post and open up about your problem. You have found a place that can help you. This group has already provided you with a good start with the information you have provided. I know in the past we have had a couple of other hired innkeepers on the forum hopefully they are still around and will chime in.
After reading the posts, sit down with a blank sheet and right a list of what you like (or liked) about this job in one column and what you dislike in the other, then go back and highlight under the dislike items that YOU can control whether it be on your own or by having a heart to heart with your boss. Change what you can on your own and see where that gets you. Then get with your boss on other issues including the big one - time off! It is only after determining where the problems are can you then work toward the solution.
Others mentioned wanting more info so we can assist you more - My questions are about the B&B's history - Has this been a B&B prior to you being the innkeeper? How long did the previous innkeeper stay? If your guests are mainly problem guests - maybe there is a need to raise rates, when was the last time rates were raised? You mentioned 'things braking' - (read other threads and you will know that this is common) but was the place well maintained?
As you work through all this, you have us to sound off to. Let us help you!.

SummerSeed is actually my husband, so I think it appropriate (since we're Co-Inn Managers) to elaborate further and help answer questions. Forgive me if this is a bit rambling, there's so much on our minds and making it perfectly eloquent is too much work! (Maybe a list is most efficient?)
Firstly, we relocated almost 4 hours away from all our friends and family to take this job. We were interested in relocating because the area we liked was young, progressive, open-minded, environmentally-concious, and had a milder climate. In essence, it was the exact opposite of the apathetic, ultra-conservative, snow belt town we were leaving. We made the naive assumption that the area the job was in would be just like the area we loved even though they're about an hour apart. In reality, our new "home" has an average age of 55 (we're early 20's), and is well known for it's "lush culture" [think classical orchestra and ballet] and "luxury living". Getting a job was a time sensitive issue, and when we were offered this one we didn't think to make sure it was a place we wanted to be [much less a place we wanted to "sell" to our guests]. Needless to say, we pretty much hate it here and are convinced we'll never feel at home.
We wanted to try to assimilate, but in an area where a thrifty dinner out runs about $50, we just can't find a way to socialize without blowing our paycheck. And the people here just aren't our "type".
Additionally, the longer we are employed (we don't own the Inn, just manage it) the more and more we find piled on our plates. My welcome tour has literally expanded from 5 minutes to 15 in the last 6 months because new policies and procedures and offerings and sales techniques get added on. Some guests are more curious/questioning than others, so it's really quite common for a tour to take 30 minutes. We have 17 rooms, and sometimes have 10 or more check-ins in a day, so this is just plain exhausting.
I'm realizing more and more that the real reason my days are so exhausting is because we have a very high-end clientel. Like, the kind of people that give you a 2-star review because the pillows weren't feather [they could have asked]. These are the kind of people that want *me* to pick where they eat dinner every night, make the reservations, order and hold their theater tickets until they arrive, confirm the quality of the seating, print off door-to-door directions, and answer every question they can think of while they scowl at me. Honestly, I don't believe in "luxury". Opulent living offends me. Yet I'm in a position where I coddle and spoon-feed spoiled rich people for a living. AHH!
On top of that, even on the days when we have no one in house (which during the slow season would sometimes be 4 or 5 days a week) We still work for 10 or 12 hours. Research needs to be done, emails replied to, workers and maintenance people are constantly show up unannounced, the phone rings and rings and rings, packages are dropped off, it never ends! Worst of all, people will show up completely unannounced all the time [even on Mother's Day, no kidding] wanting a tour of the Inn for a possible wedding or future stay. I can't wear comfortable, non-stuffy clothes on MY DAY "OFF" because we have NO privacy and are at the beck and call of everyone.
We have almost no control over our own privacy or personal time management. For example, we get 3 weeks paid vacation every year, but we have to take it between december and mid april to fit with our owner's demands. When we finally did plan our big vacation and told our boss the dates (which fit the period he had told us to plan within two weeks before) he made us cancel and rebook our flight and rental car to accomodate ONE DAY he wanted free so he could pack for his vacation. We didn't even get to choose when we could go on our own vacation!!! And every time we've been able to leave the Inn (for our big vacation, the mandatory Christmas vacation, and our anniversary) we've come back and literally been back at work before our coats were off or luggage taken out of the car. And by back to work I dont mean answering a phone, I mean having an unannounced business conference or doing a check-in.
The best way I can describe how I feel is this: Imagine if this Inn were underwater; when we started I had a big ol' air tank and complete set of scuba gear. If soemthing went wrong or broke or came up, I could take a deep breath and carry on. Now I've got a snorkle. If there's a bump in the road I'm gasping for air, panicking, and desperately trying to reach the surface. Trying to GET OUT.
When we told our boss last week that we wanted to leave we gave him 6 weeks notice and offered to train our replacement for free. He demanded almost 7 months. I honestly don't think I can tough this out. For the sake of my sanity, I really don't think I can....help!
.

OK - this is not for you. What does your contract say about amount of notice? The "season" is not going to make things any better as I said in my original response. It sounds like the kind of place I'd LOVE. Big sub-text problem is that it doesn't seem as if you have much pride in the place so every unannounced guest, every check-in, every request is going to be a chore. This is not going to make you or your guests happy.
Do NOT beat yourselves up - this is a tough "job" even for those of us that really love what we do. I know that you'll go away with a new-found appreciation for what innkeepers (inkyprs) do. (BTW are you Dutch?)

 

[Don Draper]

Wow, I'm all for seeing both sides but I think some of the above replies have been a bit harsh. I think inkypr has just finally found a sounding board and deserves to be heard.
inkypr...it just doesn't sound like things are going to be getting better any time soon. If you have truly tried to talk to your boss about being more accommodating and he hasn't listened, then the writing is on the wall. Frankly, it sounds to me like he has the same mentality as the clientele you are caring for...to ask you to change a major vacation because he had to pack for his own sounds like someone who is used to "getting his way" for every detail, all the time. Often this type of person is used to bullying to get their way...the best way to deal with a bully is to walk away.
Never forget that your youth is a tremendous advantage, even in today's job market. You are resilient and versatile, and will land where you are meant to be. Don't let fear (of moving again, of trying to find a new job) keep you mired in this situation if you truly want to get out of it. No one can make you stay for 7 months...he might be able to penalize you if you have a contract, but sometimes it's worth your mental health and well-being to just take the loss and move on.

 

[EmptyNest]

Hi SummerSeed, welcome to the group. Glad you decided to post and open up about your problem. You have found a place that can help you. This group has already provided you with a good start with the information you have provided. I know in the past we have had a couple of other hired innkeepers on the forum hopefully they are still around and will chime in.
After reading the posts, sit down with a blank sheet and right a list of what you like (or liked) about this job in one column and what you dislike in the other, then go back and highlight under the dislike items that YOU can control whether it be on your own or by having a heart to heart with your boss. Change what you can on your own and see where that gets you. Then get with your boss on other issues including the big one - time off! It is only after determining where the problems are can you then work toward the solution.
Others mentioned wanting more info so we can assist you more - My questions are about the B&B's history - Has this been a B&B prior to you being the innkeeper? How long did the previous innkeeper stay? If your guests are mainly problem guests - maybe there is a need to raise rates, when was the last time rates were raised? You mentioned 'things braking' - (read other threads and you will know that this is common) but was the place well maintained?
As you work through all this, you have us to sound off to. Let us help you!.

SummerSeed is actually my husband, so I think it appropriate (since we're Co-Inn Managers) to elaborate further and help answer questions. Forgive me if this is a bit rambling, there's so much on our minds and making it perfectly eloquent is too much work! (Maybe a list is most efficient?)
Firstly, we relocated almost 4 hours away from all our friends and family to take this job. We were interested in relocating because the area we liked was young, progressive, open-minded, environmentally-concious, and had a milder climate. In essence, it was the exact opposite of the apathetic, ultra-conservative, snow belt town we were leaving. We made the naive assumption that the area the job was in would be just like the area we loved even though they're about an hour apart. In reality, our new "home" has an average age of 55 (we're early 20's), and is well known for it's "lush culture" [think classical orchestra and ballet] and "luxury living". Getting a job was a time sensitive issue, and when we were offered this one we didn't think to make sure it was a place we wanted to be [much less a place we wanted to "sell" to our guests]. Needless to say, we pretty much hate it here and are convinced we'll never feel at home.
We wanted to try to assimilate, but in an area where a thrifty dinner out runs about $50, we just can't find a way to socialize without blowing our paycheck. And the people here just aren't our "type".
Additionally, the longer we are employed (we don't own the Inn, just manage it) the more and more we find piled on our plates. My welcome tour has literally expanded from 5 minutes to 15 in the last 6 months because new policies and procedures and offerings and sales techniques get added on. Some guests are more curious/questioning than others, so it's really quite common for a tour to take 30 minutes. We have 17 rooms, and sometimes have 10 or more check-ins in a day, so this is just plain exhausting.
I'm realizing more and more that the real reason my days are so exhausting is because we have a very high-end clientel. Like, the kind of people that give you a 2-star review because the pillows weren't feather [they could have asked]. These are the kind of people that want *me* to pick where they eat dinner every night, make the reservations, order and hold their theater tickets until they arrive, confirm the quality of the seating, print off door-to-door directions, and answer every question they can think of while they scowl at me. Honestly, I don't believe in "luxury". Opulent living offends me. Yet I'm in a position where I coddle and spoon-feed spoiled rich people for a living. AHH!
On top of that, even on the days when we have no one in house (which during the slow season would sometimes be 4 or 5 days a week) We still work for 10 or 12 hours. Research needs to be done, emails replied to, workers and maintenance people are constantly show up unannounced, the phone rings and rings and rings, packages are dropped off, it never ends! Worst of all, people will show up completely unannounced all the time [even on Mother's Day, no kidding] wanting a tour of the Inn for a possible wedding or future stay. I can't wear comfortable, non-stuffy clothes on MY DAY "OFF" because we have NO privacy and are at the beck and call of everyone.
We have almost no control over our own privacy or personal time management. For example, we get 3 weeks paid vacation every year, but we have to take it between december and mid april to fit with our owner's demands. When we finally did plan our big vacation and told our boss the dates (which fit the period he had told us to plan within two weeks before) he made us cancel and rebook our flight and rental car to accomodate ONE DAY he wanted free so he could pack for his vacation. We didn't even get to choose when we could go on our own vacation!!! And every time we've been able to leave the Inn (for our big vacation, the mandatory Christmas vacation, and our anniversary) we've come back and literally been back at work before our coats were off or luggage taken out of the car. And by back to work I dont mean answering a phone, I mean having an unannounced business conference or doing a check-in.
The best way I can describe how I feel is this: Imagine if this Inn were underwater; when we started I had a big ol' air tank and complete set of scuba gear. If soemthing went wrong or broke or came up, I could take a deep breath and carry on. Now I've got a snorkle. If there's a bump in the road I'm gasping for air, panicking, and desperately trying to reach the surface. Trying to GET OUT.
When we told our boss last week that we wanted to leave we gave him 6 weeks notice and offered to train our replacement for free. He demanded almost 7 months. I honestly don't think I can tough this out. For the sake of my sanity, I really don't think I can....help!
.

Sounds like you both had unrealistic expectations upon taking these positions. Did you ever have any experience with innkeeping?
Honestly and Sorry to say this, but someone in their twenties does not sound to me like you have the experience necessary to run such an operation.
On the other hand, the owner to has unrealistic expectations!
If you cannot come to some amicable agreement on how things should run, then give your 6 weeks notice, pack your bags and be out the door on the day you say you will leave. He cannot force you into 7 months. You are not his slaves. This is a free country and you could walk out the door tomorrow if you wanted to and disappear. What can he do???
You obviously are not happy and this is not going to change given what I read from you. It just doesn't sound to me like you are in the right position,
I would get out as quickly as your contract allows you to do so.

 

[YellowSocks]

I agree with InnsiderInfo... sounds like my abusive boss, very used to getting their own way.
Walk away... don't look back.
I ended up in a far better place when I did. (Which is the job I had before this one...)
=)
Kk.

 

[gillumhouse]

Hi SummerSeed, welcome to the group. Glad you decided to post and open up about your problem. You have found a place that can help you. This group has already provided you with a good start with the information you have provided. I know in the past we have had a couple of other hired innkeepers on the forum hopefully they are still around and will chime in.
After reading the posts, sit down with a blank sheet and right a list of what you like (or liked) about this job in one column and what you dislike in the other, then go back and highlight under the dislike items that YOU can control whether it be on your own or by having a heart to heart with your boss. Change what you can on your own and see where that gets you. Then get with your boss on other issues including the big one - time off! It is only after determining where the problems are can you then work toward the solution.
Others mentioned wanting more info so we can assist you more - My questions are about the B&B's history - Has this been a B&B prior to you being the innkeeper? How long did the previous innkeeper stay? If your guests are mainly problem guests - maybe there is a need to raise rates, when was the last time rates were raised? You mentioned 'things braking' - (read other threads and you will know that this is common) but was the place well maintained?
As you work through all this, you have us to sound off to. Let us help you!.

SummerSeed is actually my husband, so I think it appropriate (since we're Co-Inn Managers) to elaborate further and help answer questions. Forgive me if this is a bit rambling, there's so much on our minds and making it perfectly eloquent is too much work! (Maybe a list is most efficient?)
Firstly, we relocated almost 4 hours away from all our friends and family to take this job. We were interested in relocating because the area we liked was young, progressive, open-minded, environmentally-concious, and had a milder climate. In essence, it was the exact opposite of the apathetic, ultra-conservative, snow belt town we were leaving. We made the naive assumption that the area the job was in would be just like the area we loved even though they're about an hour apart. In reality, our new "home" has an average age of 55 (we're early 20's), and is well known for it's "lush culture" [think classical orchestra and ballet] and "luxury living". Getting a job was a time sensitive issue, and when we were offered this one we didn't think to make sure it was a place we wanted to be [much less a place we wanted to "sell" to our guests]. Needless to say, we pretty much hate it here and are convinced we'll never feel at home.
We wanted to try to assimilate, but in an area where a thrifty dinner out runs about $50, we just can't find a way to socialize without blowing our paycheck. And the people here just aren't our "type".
Additionally, the longer we are employed (we don't own the Inn, just manage it) the more and more we find piled on our plates. My welcome tour has literally expanded from 5 minutes to 15 in the last 6 months because new policies and procedures and offerings and sales techniques get added on. Some guests are more curious/questioning than others, so it's really quite common for a tour to take 30 minutes. We have 17 rooms, and sometimes have 10 or more check-ins in a day, so this is just plain exhausting.
I'm realizing more and more that the real reason my days are so exhausting is because we have a very high-end clientel. Like, the kind of people that give you a 2-star review because the pillows weren't feather [they could have asked]. These are the kind of people that want *me* to pick where they eat dinner every night, make the reservations, order and hold their theater tickets until they arrive, confirm the quality of the seating, print off door-to-door directions, and answer every question they can think of while they scowl at me. Honestly, I don't believe in "luxury". Opulent living offends me. Yet I'm in a position where I coddle and spoon-feed spoiled rich people for a living. AHH!
On top of that, even on the days when we have no one in house (which during the slow season would sometimes be 4 or 5 days a week) We still work for 10 or 12 hours. Research needs to be done, emails replied to, workers and maintenance people are constantly show up unannounced, the phone rings and rings and rings, packages are dropped off, it never ends! Worst of all, people will show up completely unannounced all the time [even on Mother's Day, no kidding] wanting a tour of the Inn for a possible wedding or future stay. I can't wear comfortable, non-stuffy clothes on MY DAY "OFF" because we have NO privacy and are at the beck and call of everyone.
We have almost no control over our own privacy or personal time management. For example, we get 3 weeks paid vacation every year, but we have to take it between december and mid april to fit with our owner's demands. When we finally did plan our big vacation and told our boss the dates (which fit the period he had told us to plan within two weeks before) he made us cancel and rebook our flight and rental car to accomodate ONE DAY he wanted free so he could pack for his vacation. We didn't even get to choose when we could go on our own vacation!!! And every time we've been able to leave the Inn (for our big vacation, the mandatory Christmas vacation, and our anniversary) we've come back and literally been back at work before our coats were off or luggage taken out of the car. And by back to work I dont mean answering a phone, I mean having an unannounced business conference or doing a check-in.
The best way I can describe how I feel is this: Imagine if this Inn were underwater; when we started I had a big ol' air tank and complete set of scuba gear. If soemthing went wrong or broke or came up, I could take a deep breath and carry on. Now I've got a snorkle. If there's a bump in the road I'm gasping for air, panicking, and desperately trying to reach the surface. Trying to GET OUT.
When we told our boss last week that we wanted to leave we gave him 6 weeks notice and offered to train our replacement for free. He demanded almost 7 months. I honestly don't think I can tough this out. For the sake of my sanity, I really don't think I can....help!
.

this is not meant in a nasty way - truly. I agree with knbnb - step back and look at the situation. Then. my advice (for BOTH you and the owner) is to say goodbye as quickly as possible.
In your early twenties you have a very idealistic view of the world. I know I did. It took a lot of real life to sand off the bumps. This is just one piece of sandpaper for you. Not a slam or castigation, a fact.
You do not like the area and you do not like the people. No wonder you do not "fit in" - at a guess YOU really have not tried. Your own words - our new "home" has an average age of 55 (we're early 20's), and is well known for it's "lush culture" [think classical orchestra and ballet] and "luxury living". - and from what you described as your ideal - young, progressive, open-minded, environmentally-concious, and had a milder climate. - is strait out of the 60s college grad media blasts of my era. It is idealistic and sounds good but I am sorry it takes those very people you disdain to put food on the table and pay the bills. These facts of life require MONEY and it is the average age 55 people who have the money to hire someone and pay their salary. There are two of you. You could have in the down season - even if one at a time - explored the area for places young people frequent and every town has some place because every town has some young people. OK I say this from the perspective of an old Biddy, what do I know?
If you feel this way about the job and the area and the guests, you are in the wrong job and are doing a disservice to yourself first, theo guests second, and the owner also. I do know that when I get frustrated with DH there is nothing he can do right and EVERYTHING he does is going to irritate me no matter what! From your post - thazt is where you are with the owner. I am not saying he is a wonderful person - I have no clue other than what you say - but I guarantee that in the frame of mind you are now there is nothing that would make him a good guy.
I think you grabbed the first job that came up and had a bit of a Newhart idealization of what the job was. Likewise the owner did not dig to find if you were suited or aware of what the job entailed - he may have been as desparate as you were. It happens all the time. You were
Round pegs trying to fit in a square hole that was the wrong size.
Take what you learned from this experience - and follow the suggestions of knbnb to look inward so the next step will be better (there will stiill be edges to sand until the true grain is found). Remember even the finest piece of wood looks rough until it has been sanded and polished to bring out the best in it.

 

[happyjacks]

First of all, kudos to you for taking a chance and trying to follow your heart to where you want to be. Unfortunately, as you've learned first-hand, it doesn't always work out the way you'd hoped. The good news is you're young with plenty of time and energy to bounce back and rechart your course.
Don't beat yourselves up trying to make this work if it is fundamentally not a good fit for you. And don't think this means innkeeping is not right for you. With the right boss, or the right property, or as your own boss, it could be something to try again. For now, take the lessons you can from the experience and see how they apply to you and your future choices. Then get out as quickly and as gracefully as possible. And move on to the next adventure!

 

[Morticia]

Hi SummerSeed, welcome to the group. Glad you decided to post and open up about your problem. You have found a place that can help you. This group has already provided you with a good start with the information you have provided. I know in the past we have had a couple of other hired innkeepers on the forum hopefully they are still around and will chime in.
After reading the posts, sit down with a blank sheet and right a list of what you like (or liked) about this job in one column and what you dislike in the other, then go back and highlight under the dislike items that YOU can control whether it be on your own or by having a heart to heart with your boss. Change what you can on your own and see where that gets you. Then get with your boss on other issues including the big one - time off! It is only after determining where the problems are can you then work toward the solution.
Others mentioned wanting more info so we can assist you more - My questions are about the B&B's history - Has this been a B&B prior to you being the innkeeper? How long did the previous innkeeper stay? If your guests are mainly problem guests - maybe there is a need to raise rates, when was the last time rates were raised? You mentioned 'things braking' - (read other threads and you will know that this is common) but was the place well maintained?
As you work through all this, you have us to sound off to. Let us help you!.

SummerSeed is actually my husband, so I think it appropriate (since we're Co-Inn Managers) to elaborate further and help answer questions. Forgive me if this is a bit rambling, there's so much on our minds and making it perfectly eloquent is too much work! (Maybe a list is most efficient?)
Firstly, we relocated almost 4 hours away from all our friends and family to take this job. We were interested in relocating because the area we liked was young, progressive, open-minded, environmentally-concious, and had a milder climate. In essence, it was the exact opposite of the apathetic, ultra-conservative, snow belt town we were leaving. We made the naive assumption that the area the job was in would be just like the area we loved even though they're about an hour apart. In reality, our new "home" has an average age of 55 (we're early 20's), and is well known for it's "lush culture" [think classical orchestra and ballet] and "luxury living". Getting a job was a time sensitive issue, and when we were offered this one we didn't think to make sure it was a place we wanted to be [much less a place we wanted to "sell" to our guests]. Needless to say, we pretty much hate it here and are convinced we'll never feel at home.
We wanted to try to assimilate, but in an area where a thrifty dinner out runs about $50, we just can't find a way to socialize without blowing our paycheck. And the people here just aren't our "type".
Additionally, the longer we are employed (we don't own the Inn, just manage it) the more and more we find piled on our plates. My welcome tour has literally expanded from 5 minutes to 15 in the last 6 months because new policies and procedures and offerings and sales techniques get added on. Some guests are more curious/questioning than others, so it's really quite common for a tour to take 30 minutes. We have 17 rooms, and sometimes have 10 or more check-ins in a day, so this is just plain exhausting.
I'm realizing more and more that the real reason my days are so exhausting is because we have a very high-end clientel. Like, the kind of people that give you a 2-star review because the pillows weren't feather [they could have asked]. These are the kind of people that want *me* to pick where they eat dinner every night, make the reservations, order and hold their theater tickets until they arrive, confirm the quality of the seating, print off door-to-door directions, and answer every question they can think of while they scowl at me. Honestly, I don't believe in "luxury". Opulent living offends me. Yet I'm in a position where I coddle and spoon-feed spoiled rich people for a living. AHH!
On top of that, even on the days when we have no one in house (which during the slow season would sometimes be 4 or 5 days a week) We still work for 10 or 12 hours. Research needs to be done, emails replied to, workers and maintenance people are constantly show up unannounced, the phone rings and rings and rings, packages are dropped off, it never ends! Worst of all, people will show up completely unannounced all the time [even on Mother's Day, no kidding] wanting a tour of the Inn for a possible wedding or future stay. I can't wear comfortable, non-stuffy clothes on MY DAY "OFF" because we have NO privacy and are at the beck and call of everyone.
We have almost no control over our own privacy or personal time management. For example, we get 3 weeks paid vacation every year, but we have to take it between december and mid april to fit with our owner's demands. When we finally did plan our big vacation and told our boss the dates (which fit the period he had told us to plan within two weeks before) he made us cancel and rebook our flight and rental car to accomodate ONE DAY he wanted free so he could pack for his vacation. We didn't even get to choose when we could go on our own vacation!!! And every time we've been able to leave the Inn (for our big vacation, the mandatory Christmas vacation, and our anniversary) we've come back and literally been back at work before our coats were off or luggage taken out of the car. And by back to work I dont mean answering a phone, I mean having an unannounced business conference or doing a check-in.
The best way I can describe how I feel is this: Imagine if this Inn were underwater; when we started I had a big ol' air tank and complete set of scuba gear. If soemthing went wrong or broke or came up, I could take a deep breath and carry on. Now I've got a snorkle. If there's a bump in the road I'm gasping for air, panicking, and desperately trying to reach the surface. Trying to GET OUT.
When we told our boss last week that we wanted to leave we gave him 6 weeks notice and offered to train our replacement for free. He demanded almost 7 months. I honestly don't think I can tough this out. For the sake of my sanity, I really don't think I can....help!
.

Thanks for the update. Much more info. Get out now. You've given your notice. The ball is in the owner's court. However, you need to be sure the owner understands that you ARE leaving on X date. If no one has been hired to replace you, you are leaving anyway. In writing. Registered mail.
There was an obvious lack of communication all around about what was expected of whom and by whom. This is a terrific lesson for all concerned if everyone uses what they learned about themselves.

 

[SweetiePie]

I agree. I think you have answered your own question, "When is enough?" Take my advice and use it on your NEXT ENDEAVOR.

 

[MooseTrax]

this sounds like an imperfect fit at best. after reading all of the answers and the additional information from your spouse i wonder how can you salvage this if that's what you want to do? do you want to salvage this or move on? it sounds like you both have a lto fo growing up to do, whixh is fine as you are young. if you were older i'd take a much harder stand on your behavior.
if you leave your present position with an ultimatum as your departure date, you will have this gap of 6-8 months in your work history. not a big deal in this economy. if you stay long enough to work through what is obviously a very difficult situation, you will have gained experience that will be invaluable to you for the rest of your life, no mater what you choose to do later on. if there is nothing to be gained by staying, as in you cannot leanr to delegate to your staff, cannot work within the confines of the management set and are close to destroying your boss's business, then it is time to go.
having 3 weeks of vacation in one shot at one point in the year is unacceptable for any working person. you must have a set day off each week where someone else is doing the check-ins. not that you would have the whole day off, but you do need to have 4 hours to get out. speak with your boss about an answering service for after 9 pm. this business is much larger than anyone first assumed. the clientele are used to a certain way of living, whether or not that is your way. if you cannot overcome your disdain, you really should leave. it's no different than a person who thinks being poor is a personal failure on the part of the poor person.

 

[NW BB]

Now that we have more information, I agree that you should GET OUT. Don't beat yourselves up over making the wrong decision initially. Just be thankful that you are employees and you didn't spend your life's savings on buying a B&B. You've learned a valuable lesson about yourselves. Frankly, I wouldn't have been happy being an innkeeper in my early 20s either. We all change and the most important thing is that you really dig down deep and figure out what is right for you. Do not stay 7 months if your contract allows you to leave earlier.
I hope aspiring innkeepers really take to heart what has happened to this couple. The reality of being an innkeeper is much different than the idealized view.
Best of of luck with whatever you decide. Let us know what happens next. We're still here for you.

 

[Morticia]

Now that we have more information, I agree that you should GET OUT. Don't beat yourselves up over making the wrong decision initially. Just be thankful that you are employees and you didn't spend your life's savings on buying a B&B. You've learned a valuable lesson about yourselves. Frankly, I wouldn't have been happy being an innkeeper in my early 20s either. We all change and the most important thing is that you really dig down deep and figure out what is right for you. Do not stay 7 months if your contract allows you to leave earlier.
I hope aspiring innkeepers really take to heart what has happened to this couple. The reality of being an innkeeper is much different than the idealized view.
Best of of luck with whatever you decide. Let us know what happens next. We're still here for you..

I hope aspiring innkeepers really take to heart what has happened to this couple. The reality of being an innkeeper is much different than the idealized view.
Best of of luck with whatever you decide. Let us know what happens next. We're still here for you.

Total sidetrack here, but these folks don't own the business as the rest of us do. If they did, they could close when they wanted to, take a break from biz when they wanted to and have the guests they want. So, their experience is a bit different from what the rest of us have experienced, even tho we have all been thru what they are going thru. For us, as owners, we can see something coming from our hard work and investment.
Yes, the reality can be different if the person has glamorized what needs to be done behind the scenes. But, with the right employees and the right business, the glamorous life can be had.

 

[JBloggs]

Now that we have more information, I agree that you should GET OUT. Don't beat yourselves up over making the wrong decision initially. Just be thankful that you are employees and you didn't spend your life's savings on buying a B&B. You've learned a valuable lesson about yourselves. Frankly, I wouldn't have been happy being an innkeeper in my early 20s either. We all change and the most important thing is that you really dig down deep and figure out what is right for you. Do not stay 7 months if your contract allows you to leave earlier.
I hope aspiring innkeepers really take to heart what has happened to this couple. The reality of being an innkeeper is much different than the idealized view.
Best of of luck with whatever you decide. Let us know what happens next. We're still here for you..

I hope aspiring innkeepers really take to heart what has happened to this couple. The reality of being an innkeeper is much different than the idealized view.
Best of of luck with whatever you decide. Let us know what happens next. We're still here for you.

Total sidetrack here, but these folks don't own the business as the rest of us do. If they did, they could close when they wanted to, take a break from biz when they wanted to and have the guests they want. So, their experience is a bit different from what the rest of us have experienced, even tho we have all been thru what they are going thru. For us, as owners, we can see something coming from our hard work and investment.
Yes, the reality can be different if the person has glamorized what needs to be done behind the scenes. But, with the right employees and the right business, the glamorous life can be had.
.

Total sidetrack here, but these folks don't own the business as the rest of us do. If they did, they could close when they wanted to, take a break from biz when they wanted to and have the guests they want. So, their experience is a bit different from what the rest of us have experienced, even tho we have all been thru what they are going thru. For us, as owners, we can see something coming from our hard work and investment.
Yes, the reality can be different if the person has glamorized what needs to be done behind the scenes. But, with the right employees and the right business, the glamorous life can be had.

sidetrack to your sidetrck Bree: I agree and also disagree. We cannot close when we want to, God forbid, we have bills to pay. In fact we do not even collect a paycheck. (Well I don't, not sure about the rest of the owner/innkeepers on this forum). I don't hand select my guests - I take the good with the bad and even the ugly for that matter. Obv location and amenities and price range have much to do with clientele whims. If I were hired for any job, there would need to be set hours, boundaries and limitations to what is required of me and my position. Being in a job for 7 months does not even earn any vacation pay typically til after the first year has passed. Paid 3 weeks off in the off-season sounds reasonable to me. If this couple are not getting days off, which I never really read other than not being able to be comfy on the days off, are they there 24/7 with no days off? Are they unable to leave the property or do what they want?Then shame on the owners of that business, they DO need to step up and tell him/her/them what they require. Turn them in to L&I, you are required to have time off, breaks and the rest.

 

[YellowSocks]

A tax auditor was talking to the business owner and asking about how much he paid his employees, at least minimum wage, right? "Well," said the business owner, "Everyone but the half-wit. He works 80 hours a week and makes about $2 an hour plus a fruitcake at Christmas."
"Well, we'll see about this!" said the auditor. "Call him in here right away."
"You're looking at him," said the business owner.
Or, as Facebook Flair puts it: "I'm a business owner... minimum wage would be a raise!"
=)
Kk.

 

[NW BB]

Now that we have more information, I agree that you should GET OUT. Don't beat yourselves up over making the wrong decision initially. Just be thankful that you are employees and you didn't spend your life's savings on buying a B&B. You've learned a valuable lesson about yourselves. Frankly, I wouldn't have been happy being an innkeeper in my early 20s either. We all change and the most important thing is that you really dig down deep and figure out what is right for you. Do not stay 7 months if your contract allows you to leave earlier.
I hope aspiring innkeepers really take to heart what has happened to this couple. The reality of being an innkeeper is much different than the idealized view.
Best of of luck with whatever you decide. Let us know what happens next. We're still here for you..

I hope aspiring innkeepers really take to heart what has happened to this couple. The reality of being an innkeeper is much different than the idealized view.
Best of of luck with whatever you decide. Let us know what happens next. We're still here for you.

Total sidetrack here, but these folks don't own the business as the rest of us do. If they did, they could close when they wanted to, take a break from biz when they wanted to and have the guests they want. So, their experience is a bit different from what the rest of us have experienced, even tho we have all been thru what they are going thru. For us, as owners, we can see something coming from our hard work and investment.
Yes, the reality can be different if the person has glamorized what needs to be done behind the scenes. But, with the right employees and the right business, the glamorous life can be had.
.

Yes, the reality can be different if the person has glamorized what needs to be done behind the scenes. But, with the right employees and the right business, the glamorous life can be had.
Hmmm....who here is living the "glamorous life"?

 

[NW BB]

Now that we have more information, I agree that you should GET OUT. Don't beat yourselves up over making the wrong decision initially. Just be thankful that you are employees and you didn't spend your life's savings on buying a B&B. You've learned a valuable lesson about yourselves. Frankly, I wouldn't have been happy being an innkeeper in my early 20s either. We all change and the most important thing is that you really dig down deep and figure out what is right for you. Do not stay 7 months if your contract allows you to leave earlier.
I hope aspiring innkeepers really take to heart what has happened to this couple. The reality of being an innkeeper is much different than the idealized view.
Best of of luck with whatever you decide. Let us know what happens next. We're still here for you..

I hope aspiring innkeepers really take to heart what has happened to this couple. The reality of being an innkeeper is much different than the idealized view.
Best of of luck with whatever you decide. Let us know what happens next. We're still here for you.

Total sidetrack here, but these folks don't own the business as the rest of us do. If they did, they could close when they wanted to, take a break from biz when they wanted to and have the guests they want. So, their experience is a bit different from what the rest of us have experienced, even tho we have all been thru what they are going thru. For us, as owners, we can see something coming from our hard work and investment.
Yes, the reality can be different if the person has glamorized what needs to be done behind the scenes. But, with the right employees and the right business, the glamorous life can be had.
.

My real point here was that before you jump into this lifestyle whether you purchase or are employees, you need to do your homework and get some experience first. I've seen it several times where someone has used their life savings and bought a B&B for nearly 2 million dollars and then 6 months after they've done it are as unhappy as the OP. It wasn't what they expected and they're stuck. By the time they're finally able to sell, it's been several years, the business has declined and they lose a ton of money or even worse, the bank took it over and they were left with nothing.
This lifestyle is not for everyone. Don't get me wrong, I love what I'm doing, but the reality is that it's not for everyone, even if you set guidlines and rules.