First off, I'm very sorry if anything said was offensive or crossed a line. My intention was 80% to entertain and 20% to inform. As mentioned in an above comment, many people DO go into innkeeping thinking it's a fairytale life full of tea parties, fluffy pillows, and pancakes. It isn't. And just to be clear, D and I did not have this impression going into the position. WE knew it would be hard work, but so many facets of it weren't described to us in the clearest or most truthful manner, and I think that that is a big part of why we're so disappointed now as compared to when we started. My blog is meant to be a bit exaggerated (the mood of the writing, not the events or occurances, those are all true). My deepest passion lies in Theatre, so the idea of creating a blog about a real-life events often so outrageous that they could have been a sitcom appealed to me. I suppose my audience would have been my friends, the few interested strangers who may have fell upon the blog, and innkeepers themselves. Afterall, who could better understand the frustrations of caring for unappreciative guests than those who do it everyday!?
And to those who question my maturity, work ethic, and hospitality skills, allow me to clarify a few things. First, customer service (believe it or not) is something I'm VERY passionate about. If I go to a restaurant and the food is superb but the staff is snippy or unappreciative of my patronage, I won't return. Helping others, creating an experience, and being a part of making someone's day even incrementally better fulfills me more than I can describe. But there is a class of people (the snobs my husband referred to) that have been "over-serviced" in their priviledged lives and have lost all sense of taking joy in the small things. They have become almost addicted to being waited on, while offering absolutely no gratitude or appreciation. These people infuriate me and unfortunately this Inn is the lamp that draws those moths in in flocks. This is a huge part of the reason we're burnt out. We love taking care of people, just not those who simply don't care.
As for my work ethic: I grew up in an impoverished and unsupportive household. Going to college meant working 7 days a week all summer, and 6 days a week duing the school year from the time I was 16. I'd often round out at about 60-70 hours worked each week. Don't talk to me about work ethic because I have it in spades. My problem is that I also have passionate ideals and I refuse to work myself to the bone for a cause I don't believe in. If this was a community-building non-profit organization i'd be ecstatic to be working twice as hard. In that position my efforts are making a difference in the world around me. Here I just feel like I'm feeding unhealthy personality traits and consumptive behaviors. (That's not to say that all of our guests fit that profile. Many don't! But the percentage that do are enough to push me away from this place.)
Regarding my hospitality skills: I've already mentioned that I enjoy taking care of people. What I didn't mention is that I do a great job decieving those that annoy the living daylights out of me into thinking that they are no trouble at all. All of the reviews we have recieved since our inception here have been 5 stars. Every last one. I am, above all else, a performer, and if a guest requires me to put on a show, I'll put on one heck of a show. Which brings me to another reason why we must leave: in the Theatre world, it is a known fact that an actor cannot act all the time. Whe he does, the lie becomes truth, reality gets hazy, and all sense of Self drifts away. The moment I found myself becoming cynical, sarcastic, and angry was the moment I knew that I had to get out. I'm inherintly optimistic, bubbly, and kind. I was becoming one of my guests. I was becoming the person I was preteding to be on a daily basis in order to relate to them.
I may have more to say later, but for now, it's time to do laundry..
Take it from a DIVA...get out now! Just be glad you aren't the owner and discovering all of this
after purchase AND having to handle all of the personal responsibilities of ownership on top of it.
Be grateful that you can walk away.
Perhaps you could pursue a smaller inn, one that allows you to be more creative and who's owner is more in line with your style and life philosophy. You sound like someone who would fit in perfectly with
my place, a small green inn with musical and artistic activities, located in a laid back community. There are ups and downs in this profession, the advantage of being the owner for us has been creating our place
with our own vision. I couldn't work in a pretentious, upper crust inn...I know of which you speak. I think more than 5 rooms requires additional staff and most importantly BOUNDARIES and
scheduled days off. We worked 180 days in a row last year and I ended up in PT at the end of it, I told DH
never again. Now we schedule time off. We have rules and we explain to our guests that since we are the only staff, this is how it is,
we have to take care of ourselves, most of them get it, but we've also created a place that doesn't attract the high maintenance crowd, which may pay more for luxury, but it's that much more to deal with and take care of.
If innkeeping is your dream, I suggest looking for a better fit or figuring out your priorities and making the changes you need to make it work for you. There are some inns that are non-profit in support of various causes (animal shelters and cancer retreat centers) and retreat centers that are run as non-profits for other non-profits (like the sophia peace center in colorado) Perhaps something like that would be more suitable and fulfilling. There are also places that are inns with working farms with sustainable practices, etc.
I am an opera singer and even though there isn't always enough time or $ for me to pursue all the musical stuff I want to do, I make sure that I make time to participate in the things I want to do outside of the inn. I schedule a weekly voice lesson, I go to my weekly chorus practice and I make time daily to vocalize, even if it's while I'm cleaning rooms, AND I GO TO YOGA EVERY DAY! The rooms are still there when I get back and so are the guests. You also need to figure out what you and your husband are best at and do those tasks, don't ask the other to do those tasks and work together on the things you
have to, be your best allies.
I don't answer the phone and I don't do check-ins unless DH can't, but I do almost all of the laundry and cooking and web updates. I don't clean the showers, because of my back, but I do all of the toilets and sinks and bedmaking. I don't do wedding consults or any of the interactions for wedding parties, but I do the prep and set-up and behind the scenes stuff. I am the
introvert and I
have to have alone time or I start to feel like you guys, but we make it work. If I know I can't deal with a certain guest, DH takes it, but I make it up in other ways. We have a late check in/late check out charge ( a preventative measure), we have a
steep extra person charge (also a preventative measure), we don't take small children, smokers or pets, we only do
one breakfast serving time )beacuse we have to get those kids to school and it's easier for us). We make our boundaries
clear with the guests, in a polite or humourous way, that's how we take care of ourselves and it allows us to do our very best and enjoy our guests.
We made a point to decorate our place in a way where guests could put their feet on the coffee table, spill a glass of wine on the couch and we would not worry about it. Not all innkeepers are snobs, think about how you feel right now, we've all been there, perhaps the innkeepers you are encountering
are feeling just like you because they just got off the phone with a PITA and haven't had a day off in weeks, they are having trouble keeping up with their bills, have medical or family problems, or whatever else goes on in life. That's most of the innkeepers on this forum. Now there
are "owners" , the ones who are innkeepers
in name only, like "V", that's a different species, the ones who you know have
never cleaned a toilet!
That's different.
The first year was hell. We, like you, knew it would be hard work, but we dove in without a clue as to
the reality of it, we had done very little research.
I felt exactly as you do. Many nights full of tears. But like you, we are creative and optimistic, we trusted that it would become what we envisioned. Because we have worked so hard, it has, but not without it's sacrifices. The turning point was when we stepped back and looked at what we had to do to stay sane, because we knew we could not continue as it was. It's still not perfect but it's at least manageable now. If we had been working for someone else,
it would not have been worth it, at all. It was exhausting. We also have children, so add that to the plate. We have not had a vacation in 3 years, our cars are 13 years old, we buy our clothes from Target and we barter for things like fancy dinners out, but we live in a beautiful place, our children attend good schools, we are our own boss, we are as creative as we want to be. It still can be tough sometimes, but after a while you figure out what works and what doesn't and how you can create your space.
If nothing else, this is a learning experience, you are being forced to face the stuff you need to work on, I know this from experience, and it can be painful, but you
do grow! I guess my point is, if it's your dream, don't give up, just try something different. Or if you
are done, be done and don't regret it, maybe you are supposed to be in New York auditioning and someone is trying to tell you something.
