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Sarcasm and the Innkeeper

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JBloggs

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We have spoken about this before, sarcasm from an innkeeper does not come across well to guests, even if we feel like it is funny.
A guest today mentioned another B&B where the owner made poached and (in her description) runny eggs. She was not about to touch them, she said the whites were runny too. He came in and saw she did not eat them and instead of asking if everything was okay, he walked straight over to her at the table amongst other guests and said "If you don't like eggs, you should have told me I wouldn't have cooked them for you." and took her plate and walked away. She sat there stunned.
Sometimes we think a little comment here or there is no big deal, but we don't really know our guests. We are not too be too chummy with them in this area, me thinks. They might appear easy going, but then we can put our foot in our mouth.
 

muirford

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Do you think he was being sarcastic, really - or was he just annoyed and let her know? That's not good, either - but it's not exactly sarcasm.
When I see someone has not eaten much breakfast, I will often ask if they would prefer some yogurt and/or cereal. I don't do poached eggs, even though I love them myself, because I think a lot of guests don't trust runny eggs.
 

JBloggs

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No he was annoyed. She took it as sarcasm at her retelling of it. I think if we have a smirk when we say something sometimes we think we can get away with it. Perhaps ridicule is another term for how she felt in front of the other guests.
 

Samster

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hmmm....not a good innkeeper response. But we all know how some mornings can go! Good point though about what that particular guest remembered from their experience at the other B&B. I wonder if she related anything good about that stay?
 

EmptyNest

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you would think he would be out there noticing that the guest was not eating her breakfast and ask if things were ok. Oh well. We were always asking if they needed anything etc etc.
 

MTLLodge

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Asking the guest is good, that way if there is a problem you can do your best to make it right. And if you ask and all you get is everything is ok but later they complain then your defense would be that they didn't give you the chance to make it right.
 

JBloggs

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I think there are innkeepers - and whenever I mention it on this forum I get a blast of "No! All innkeepers are wonderful specimens of human kindness" but there are those crotchety overbearing innkeepers out there who think it is their way or the highway. They assume the guests are all happily plodding along enjoying everything, but in reality, as they have no reality, the guests don't enjoy staying there at all.
This guest told me her room was 54 degrees and outside her door on the wall was the thermostat. She was freezing to death, she sneaked out there and tried to adjust the thermo and was caught! This time by the wife. She said "Don't touch that! What do you think you are doing?!" She felt trapped, cold and trapped.
Come to find out the vent in the ducting was stuck OPEN to the room next to her and she peered in and saw they had their windows OPEN onto the community deck and her room was still 54 degrees in winter. She slept on the guest sofa in the parlor. She told the innkeepers about it and they did nothing. The guests in the next room said it was 97 degrees in their room (as it had all the heating directed at them).
These guests when they feel comfortable do tell other inns about their experience...if they dare go to another inn. This guest has been here before and is absolutely hassle free (this her third visit) and will be back in 2 weeks for one more night (business guest.)
Again, this is a very confining business, we as innkeepers are strapped in for the most part and need to get out now and again. That is reality.
The offer is open to ya'll who are feeling strapped in, come and see me - sit on the porch, sip a lemonade or iced tea, I purchased 8 more hanging ferns last night...we are nearly there. :) Come on in the water's fine!
 

Samster

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I think there are innkeepers - and whenever I mention it on this forum I get a blast of "No! All innkeepers are wonderful specimens of human kindness" but there are those crotchety overbearing innkeepers out there who think it is their way or the highway. They assume the guests are all happily plodding along enjoying everything, but in reality, as they have no reality, the guests don't enjoy staying there at all.
This guest told me her room was 54 degrees and outside her door on the wall was the thermostat. She was freezing to death, she sneaked out there and tried to adjust the thermo and was caught! This time by the wife. She said "Don't touch that! What do you think you are doing?!" She felt trapped, cold and trapped.
Come to find out the vent in the ducting was stuck OPEN to the room next to her and she peered in and saw they had their windows OPEN onto the community deck and her room was still 54 degrees in winter. She slept on the guest sofa in the parlor. She told the innkeepers about it and they did nothing. The guests in the next room said it was 97 degrees in their room (as it had all the heating directed at them).
These guests when they feel comfortable do tell other inns about their experience...if they dare go to another inn. This guest has been here before and is absolutely hassle free (this her third visit) and will be back in 2 weeks for one more night (business guest.)
Again, this is a very confining business, we as innkeepers are strapped in for the most part and need to get out now and again. That is reality.
The offer is open to ya'll who are feeling strapped in, come and see me - sit on the porch, sip a lemonade or iced tea, I purchased 8 more hanging ferns last night...we are nearly there. :) Come on in the water's fine!.
I will share some candid experiences after my trip. But I think that they will all, in fact, be outstanding! :)
 

Innkeeper To Go

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I think there are innkeepers - and whenever I mention it on this forum I get a blast of "No! All innkeepers are wonderful specimens of human kindness" but there are those crotchety overbearing innkeepers out there who think it is their way or the highway. They assume the guests are all happily plodding along enjoying everything, but in reality, as they have no reality, the guests don't enjoy staying there at all.
This guest told me her room was 54 degrees and outside her door on the wall was the thermostat. She was freezing to death, she sneaked out there and tried to adjust the thermo and was caught! This time by the wife. She said "Don't touch that! What do you think you are doing?!" She felt trapped, cold and trapped.
Come to find out the vent in the ducting was stuck OPEN to the room next to her and she peered in and saw they had their windows OPEN onto the community deck and her room was still 54 degrees in winter. She slept on the guest sofa in the parlor. She told the innkeepers about it and they did nothing. The guests in the next room said it was 97 degrees in their room (as it had all the heating directed at them).
These guests when they feel comfortable do tell other inns about their experience...if they dare go to another inn. This guest has been here before and is absolutely hassle free (this her third visit) and will be back in 2 weeks for one more night (business guest.)
Again, this is a very confining business, we as innkeepers are strapped in for the most part and need to get out now and again. That is reality.
The offer is open to ya'll who are feeling strapped in, come and see me - sit on the porch, sip a lemonade or iced tea, I purchased 8 more hanging ferns last night...we are nearly there. :) Come on in the water's fine!.
Joey Bloggs said:
I think there are innkeepers - and whenever I mention it on this forum I get a blast of "No! All innkeepers are wonderful specimens of human kindness" but there are those crotchety overbearing innkeepers out there who think it is their way or the highway. They assume the guests are all happily plodding along enjoying everything, but in reality, as they have no reality, the guests don't enjoy staying there at all.
JB, I'm not about to blast you on this because you are absolutely right.
I interviewed an innkeeper who was the former owner of an inn in Northern California. I do a fairly targeted interview and, well, your description above really captures her to a t. So I checked the TA reviews for her inn (that had recently closed). I had known the property before she'd bought it but hadn't kept up with her tenure.
And whoaaa, what did I find but 100% of her guests found her overbearing and unresponsive to their needs.
Not all innkeepers have the skills or temperament for the business. Of course, those that don't won't stay in business for long...
 

ukmaineiac

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No he was annoyed. She took it as sarcasm at her retelling of it. I think if we have a smirk when we say something sometimes we think we can get away with it. Perhaps ridicule is another term for how she felt in front of the other guests..
OK changing screen names here for a reason.
(and blushing for a reason)
At least once, seeing the humor in a situation kept ME from loosing it and allowed me to enjoy the situation. Long story short:
Guests arrive – walk into our best room, sneer and say it will do for the night. She strips the bed immediately says the memory foam has to go and the bed must be triple sheeted.
I smile and say “No Problem”.
I ask if they would like me to install the a/c while they are out to dinner (it’s the start of the season and still cool). She says NO I want it in right now.
I smile and say “No Problem”.
He lies down on the bed with his shoes on while I go and get the VERY heavy window a/c. I put it by the window so I can go and get my tool kit. She says “Oh for goodness sake, you shouldn’t be doing this, just get someone from Maintenance up here”.
I smile and say “No Problem”.
I leave the room, closing the door behind me, strap on my tool belt, put on a baseball cap, go back to the room, knock on the door and wait for them to open it. When they do ...
I smile and say “Maintenance”
This is a true story and I walked away from that room with a grin from ear to ear and not a single, solitary iota of annoyance nibbling away at me.
 

Innkeeper To Go

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No he was annoyed. She took it as sarcasm at her retelling of it. I think if we have a smirk when we say something sometimes we think we can get away with it. Perhaps ridicule is another term for how she felt in front of the other guests..
OK changing screen names here for a reason.
(and blushing for a reason)
At least once, seeing the humor in a situation kept ME from loosing it and allowed me to enjoy the situation. Long story short:
Guests arrive – walk into our best room, sneer and say it will do for the night. She strips the bed immediately says the memory foam has to go and the bed must be triple sheeted.
I smile and say “No Problem”.
I ask if they would like me to install the a/c while they are out to dinner (it’s the start of the season and still cool). She says NO I want it in right now.
I smile and say “No Problem”.
He lies down on the bed with his shoes on while I go and get the VERY heavy window a/c. I put it by the window so I can go and get my tool kit. She says “Oh for goodness sake, you shouldn’t be doing this, just get someone from Maintenance up here”.
I smile and say “No Problem”.
I leave the room, closing the door behind me, strap on my tool belt, put on a baseball cap, go back to the room, knock on the door and wait for them to open it. When they do ...
I smile and say “Maintenance”
This is a true story and I walked away from that room with a grin from ear to ear and not a single, solitary iota of annoyance nibbling away at me.
.
What a fabulous story! You are a real trooper.
 

Samster

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No he was annoyed. She took it as sarcasm at her retelling of it. I think if we have a smirk when we say something sometimes we think we can get away with it. Perhaps ridicule is another term for how she felt in front of the other guests..
OK changing screen names here for a reason.
(and blushing for a reason)
At least once, seeing the humor in a situation kept ME from loosing it and allowed me to enjoy the situation. Long story short:
Guests arrive – walk into our best room, sneer and say it will do for the night. She strips the bed immediately says the memory foam has to go and the bed must be triple sheeted.
I smile and say “No Problem”.
I ask if they would like me to install the a/c while they are out to dinner (it’s the start of the season and still cool). She says NO I want it in right now.
I smile and say “No Problem”.
He lies down on the bed with his shoes on while I go and get the VERY heavy window a/c. I put it by the window so I can go and get my tool kit. She says “Oh for goodness sake, you shouldn’t be doing this, just get someone from Maintenance up here”.
I smile and say “No Problem”.
I leave the room, closing the door behind me, strap on my tool belt, put on a baseball cap, go back to the room, knock on the door and wait for them to open it. When they do ...
I smile and say “Maintenance”
This is a true story and I walked away from that room with a grin from ear to ear and not a single, solitary iota of annoyance nibbling away at me.
.
That is a wonderful story! Thanks for sharing!
That's like when folks would ask, "Who do you have that does all the work on these 2 houses?" I would say, "Well, you're looking at one of them and the other one is at his second full-time job".
 

Copperhead

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No he was annoyed. She took it as sarcasm at her retelling of it. I think if we have a smirk when we say something sometimes we think we can get away with it. Perhaps ridicule is another term for how she felt in front of the other guests..
OK changing screen names here for a reason.
(and blushing for a reason)
At least once, seeing the humor in a situation kept ME from loosing it and allowed me to enjoy the situation. Long story short:
Guests arrive – walk into our best room, sneer and say it will do for the night. She strips the bed immediately says the memory foam has to go and the bed must be triple sheeted.
I smile and say “No Problem”.
I ask if they would like me to install the a/c while they are out to dinner (it’s the start of the season and still cool). She says NO I want it in right now.
I smile and say “No Problem”.
He lies down on the bed with his shoes on while I go and get the VERY heavy window a/c. I put it by the window so I can go and get my tool kit. She says “Oh for goodness sake, you shouldn’t be doing this, just get someone from Maintenance up here”.
I smile and say “No Problem”.
I leave the room, closing the door behind me, strap on my tool belt, put on a baseball cap, go back to the room, knock on the door and wait for them to open it. When they do ...
I smile and say “Maintenance”
This is a true story and I walked away from that room with a grin from ear to ear and not a single, solitary iota of annoyance nibbling away at me.
.
Loved it! My DH keeps talking about making a baseball cap with a spin the dial on it. The backgound would be a pie chart with: lawn boy, maintenance man, pool boy, waiter/busboy - just to name a few. I think this would be a big seller among innkeepers, don't ya think?
 

bbinnsitters

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No he was annoyed. She took it as sarcasm at her retelling of it. I think if we have a smirk when we say something sometimes we think we can get away with it. Perhaps ridicule is another term for how she felt in front of the other guests..
OK changing screen names here for a reason.
(and blushing for a reason)
At least once, seeing the humor in a situation kept ME from loosing it and allowed me to enjoy the situation. Long story short:
Guests arrive – walk into our best room, sneer and say it will do for the night. She strips the bed immediately says the memory foam has to go and the bed must be triple sheeted.
I smile and say “No Problem”.
I ask if they would like me to install the a/c while they are out to dinner (it’s the start of the season and still cool). She says NO I want it in right now.
I smile and say “No Problem”.
He lies down on the bed with his shoes on while I go and get the VERY heavy window a/c. I put it by the window so I can go and get my tool kit. She says “Oh for goodness sake, you shouldn’t be doing this, just get someone from Maintenance up here”.
I smile and say “No Problem”.
I leave the room, closing the door behind me, strap on my tool belt, put on a baseball cap, go back to the room, knock on the door and wait for them to open it. When they do ...
I smile and say “Maintenance”
This is a true story and I walked away from that room with a grin from ear to ear and not a single, solitary iota of annoyance nibbling away at me.
.
Great story - keeping a sense of humor in this business is a big plus!
Just curious - did they finally "get it"? Or was she annoying and demanding the whole time?
 

ukmaineiac

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No he was annoyed. She took it as sarcasm at her retelling of it. I think if we have a smirk when we say something sometimes we think we can get away with it. Perhaps ridicule is another term for how she felt in front of the other guests..
OK changing screen names here for a reason.
(and blushing for a reason)
At least once, seeing the humor in a situation kept ME from loosing it and allowed me to enjoy the situation. Long story short:
Guests arrive – walk into our best room, sneer and say it will do for the night. She strips the bed immediately says the memory foam has to go and the bed must be triple sheeted.
I smile and say “No Problem”.
I ask if they would like me to install the a/c while they are out to dinner (it’s the start of the season and still cool). She says NO I want it in right now.
I smile and say “No Problem”.
He lies down on the bed with his shoes on while I go and get the VERY heavy window a/c. I put it by the window so I can go and get my tool kit. She says “Oh for goodness sake, you shouldn’t be doing this, just get someone from Maintenance up here”.
I smile and say “No Problem”.
I leave the room, closing the door behind me, strap on my tool belt, put on a baseball cap, go back to the room, knock on the door and wait for them to open it. When they do ...
I smile and say “Maintenance”
This is a true story and I walked away from that room with a grin from ear to ear and not a single, solitary iota of annoyance nibbling away at me.
.
Great story - keeping a sense of humor in this business is a big plus!
Just curious - did they finally "get it"? Or was she annoying and demanding the whole time?
.
A bit of both.
Getting it out of my system immediately rather than getting PO'd meant I was able to really cater to them while they were here. It's what they wanted and they continued to be demanding - HOWEVER they relaxed AND I was happy.
When they left they congratulated me on such a well run establishment and said they would see me next year

p.s. I will also admit to a curtsy when I exited the room in my tool belt
 

JBloggs

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No he was annoyed. She took it as sarcasm at her retelling of it. I think if we have a smirk when we say something sometimes we think we can get away with it. Perhaps ridicule is another term for how she felt in front of the other guests..
OK changing screen names here for a reason.
(and blushing for a reason)
At least once, seeing the humor in a situation kept ME from loosing it and allowed me to enjoy the situation. Long story short:
Guests arrive – walk into our best room, sneer and say it will do for the night. She strips the bed immediately says the memory foam has to go and the bed must be triple sheeted.
I smile and say “No Problem”.
I ask if they would like me to install the a/c while they are out to dinner (it’s the start of the season and still cool). She says NO I want it in right now.
I smile and say “No Problem”.
He lies down on the bed with his shoes on while I go and get the VERY heavy window a/c. I put it by the window so I can go and get my tool kit. She says “Oh for goodness sake, you shouldn’t be doing this, just get someone from Maintenance up here”.
I smile and say “No Problem”.
I leave the room, closing the door behind me, strap on my tool belt, put on a baseball cap, go back to the room, knock on the door and wait for them to open it. When they do ...
I smile and say “Maintenance”
This is a true story and I walked away from that room with a grin from ear to ear and not a single, solitary iota of annoyance nibbling away at me.
.
Great story - keeping a sense of humor in this business is a big plus!
Just curious - did they finally "get it"? Or was she annoying and demanding the whole time?
.
A bit of both.
Getting it out of my system immediately rather than getting PO'd meant I was able to really cater to them while they were here. It's what they wanted and they continued to be demanding - HOWEVER they relaxed AND I was happy.
When they left they congratulated me on such a well run establishment and said they would see me next year

p.s. I will also admit to a curtsy when I exited the room in my tool belt
.
UKMaineiac said:
A bit of both.
Getting it out of my system immediately rather than getting PO'd meant I was able to really cater to them while they were here. It's what they wanted and they continued to be demanding - HOWEVER they relaxed AND I was happy.
When they left they congratulated me on such a well run establishment and said they would see me next year

p.s. I will also admit to a curtsy when I exited the room in my tool belt
You can get away with it like my DH can. "Most of the time" he can say things that the average Joe couldn't say. The most difficult guests if he has a few words with them in passing will love him. Sickening isn't it? ha ha But it is not truly sarcasm, well maybe it is, it is just funny-ish, his funny, which is not my funny. But I supposed I must have liked that in the beginning 21 years ago.
Keep on, as long as the comments are not personal, that is where it makes a difference to a guest. :)
 

Innkeeper To Go

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No he was annoyed. She took it as sarcasm at her retelling of it. I think if we have a smirk when we say something sometimes we think we can get away with it. Perhaps ridicule is another term for how she felt in front of the other guests..
OK changing screen names here for a reason.
(and blushing for a reason)
At least once, seeing the humor in a situation kept ME from loosing it and allowed me to enjoy the situation. Long story short:
Guests arrive – walk into our best room, sneer and say it will do for the night. She strips the bed immediately says the memory foam has to go and the bed must be triple sheeted.
I smile and say “No Problem”.
I ask if they would like me to install the a/c while they are out to dinner (it’s the start of the season and still cool). She says NO I want it in right now.
I smile and say “No Problem”.
He lies down on the bed with his shoes on while I go and get the VERY heavy window a/c. I put it by the window so I can go and get my tool kit. She says “Oh for goodness sake, you shouldn’t be doing this, just get someone from Maintenance up here”.
I smile and say “No Problem”.
I leave the room, closing the door behind me, strap on my tool belt, put on a baseball cap, go back to the room, knock on the door and wait for them to open it. When they do ...
I smile and say “Maintenance”
This is a true story and I walked away from that room with a grin from ear to ear and not a single, solitary iota of annoyance nibbling away at me.
.
Great story - keeping a sense of humor in this business is a big plus!
Just curious - did they finally "get it"? Or was she annoying and demanding the whole time?
.
A bit of both.
Getting it out of my system immediately rather than getting PO'd meant I was able to really cater to them while they were here. It's what they wanted and they continued to be demanding - HOWEVER they relaxed AND I was happy.
When they left they congratulated me on such a well run establishment and said they would see me next year

p.s. I will also admit to a curtsy when I exited the room in my tool belt
.
Just love the cursty part. Perfect touch.
 

gillumhouse

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I think there are innkeepers - and whenever I mention it on this forum I get a blast of "No! All innkeepers are wonderful specimens of human kindness" but there are those crotchety overbearing innkeepers out there who think it is their way or the highway. They assume the guests are all happily plodding along enjoying everything, but in reality, as they have no reality, the guests don't enjoy staying there at all.
This guest told me her room was 54 degrees and outside her door on the wall was the thermostat. She was freezing to death, she sneaked out there and tried to adjust the thermo and was caught! This time by the wife. She said "Don't touch that! What do you think you are doing?!" She felt trapped, cold and trapped.
Come to find out the vent in the ducting was stuck OPEN to the room next to her and she peered in and saw they had their windows OPEN onto the community deck and her room was still 54 degrees in winter. She slept on the guest sofa in the parlor. She told the innkeepers about it and they did nothing. The guests in the next room said it was 97 degrees in their room (as it had all the heating directed at them).
These guests when they feel comfortable do tell other inns about their experience...if they dare go to another inn. This guest has been here before and is absolutely hassle free (this her third visit) and will be back in 2 weeks for one more night (business guest.)
Again, this is a very confining business, we as innkeepers are strapped in for the most part and need to get out now and again. That is reality.
The offer is open to ya'll who are feeling strapped in, come and see me - sit on the porch, sip a lemonade or iced tea, I purchased 8 more hanging ferns last night...we are nearly there. :) Come on in the water's fine!.
Joey Bloggs said:
I think there are innkeepers - and whenever I mention it on this forum I get a blast of "No! All innkeepers are wonderful specimens of human kindness" but there are those crotchety overbearing innkeepers out there who think it is their way or the highway. They assume the guests are all happily plodding along enjoying everything, but in reality, as they have no reality, the guests don't enjoy staying there at all.
JB, I'm not about to blast you on this because you are absolutely right.
I interviewed an innkeeper who was the former owner of an inn in Northern California. I do a fairly targeted interview and, well, your description above really captures her to a t. So I checked the TA reviews for her inn (that had recently closed). I had known the property before she'd bought it but hadn't kept up with her tenure.
And whoaaa, what did I find but 100% of her guests found her overbearing and unresponsive to their needs.
Not all innkeepers have the skills or temperament for the business. Of course, those that don't won't stay in business for long...
.
Not all innkeepers have the skills or temperament for the business. Of course, those that don't won't stay in business for long...
Correct - word gets around and lack of guests takes care of it - unless they are in a place that they are the ONLY place to stay or gets enough first time guests to sustain.... because there probably will not be many repeats
 

Innkeeper To Go

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I think there are innkeepers - and whenever I mention it on this forum I get a blast of "No! All innkeepers are wonderful specimens of human kindness" but there are those crotchety overbearing innkeepers out there who think it is their way or the highway. They assume the guests are all happily plodding along enjoying everything, but in reality, as they have no reality, the guests don't enjoy staying there at all.
This guest told me her room was 54 degrees and outside her door on the wall was the thermostat. She was freezing to death, she sneaked out there and tried to adjust the thermo and was caught! This time by the wife. She said "Don't touch that! What do you think you are doing?!" She felt trapped, cold and trapped.
Come to find out the vent in the ducting was stuck OPEN to the room next to her and she peered in and saw they had their windows OPEN onto the community deck and her room was still 54 degrees in winter. She slept on the guest sofa in the parlor. She told the innkeepers about it and they did nothing. The guests in the next room said it was 97 degrees in their room (as it had all the heating directed at them).
These guests when they feel comfortable do tell other inns about their experience...if they dare go to another inn. This guest has been here before and is absolutely hassle free (this her third visit) and will be back in 2 weeks for one more night (business guest.)
Again, this is a very confining business, we as innkeepers are strapped in for the most part and need to get out now and again. That is reality.
The offer is open to ya'll who are feeling strapped in, come and see me - sit on the porch, sip a lemonade or iced tea, I purchased 8 more hanging ferns last night...we are nearly there. :) Come on in the water's fine!.
Joey Bloggs said:
I think there are innkeepers - and whenever I mention it on this forum I get a blast of "No! All innkeepers are wonderful specimens of human kindness" but there are those crotchety overbearing innkeepers out there who think it is their way or the highway. They assume the guests are all happily plodding along enjoying everything, but in reality, as they have no reality, the guests don't enjoy staying there at all.
JB, I'm not about to blast you on this because you are absolutely right.
I interviewed an innkeeper who was the former owner of an inn in Northern California. I do a fairly targeted interview and, well, your description above really captures her to a t. So I checked the TA reviews for her inn (that had recently closed). I had known the property before she'd bought it but hadn't kept up with her tenure.
And whoaaa, what did I find but 100% of her guests found her overbearing and unresponsive to their needs.
Not all innkeepers have the skills or temperament for the business. Of course, those that don't won't stay in business for long...
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Not all innkeepers have the skills or temperament for the business. Of course, those that don't won't stay in business for long...
Correct - word gets around and lack of guests takes care of it - unless they are in a place that they are the ONLY place to stay or gets enough first time guests to sustain.... because there probably will not be many repeats
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gillumhouse said:
Not all innkeepers have the skills or temperament for the business. Of course, those that don't won't stay in business for long...
Correct - word gets around and lack of guests takes care of it - unless they are in a place that they are the ONLY place to stay or gets enough first time guests to sustain.... because there probably will not be many repeats
Bingo.
 

Joey Camb

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I think after a while you get a feel for the guest. For example when they call people say things like "do you have nice rooms?" and a little voice in my head dares me to say no we only have horrible ones with a view of the trash cans!
 
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