When Guests Are Rude (Intrusive)

[Alibi Ike]

We've found that with guests, for some reason, nothing is off the table as far as asking us. In spite of your reluctance, we find Canadians asking us all the time about the same stuff Americans ask. Europeans want to talk politics, they don't care about our personal lives.
I find that the easiest deflection of unwanted questions is to ask back, 'Why do you ask?' In your case, where they didn't stop and continued to pursue the answer they wanted to hear by even asking someone else, definitely, 'I keep my personal life on the other side of the inn door.'
And here's where I will just throw this out...why not just say, 'We're a couple' and walk away? I think you make it so much more intriguing to the guest to cloak and dagger the whole relationship. You're a couple, why not just say so?
At this point in my life there's not much I won't talk about. Altho, we have had guests for years who finally just come out and ask if we're married, have we always been married, are the kids 'ours' or 'mine and yours'? Remarkable restraint, but eventually they crack. .

We've found that with guests, for some reason, nothing is off the table as far as asking us. In spite of your reluctance, we find Canadians asking us all the time about the same stuff Americans ask. Europeans want to talk politics, they don't care about our personal lives.
I find that the easiest deflection of unwanted questions is to ask back, 'Why do you ask?' In your case, where they didn't stop and continued to pursue the answer they wanted to hear by even asking someone else, definitely, 'I keep my personal life on the other side of the inn door.'
And here's where I will just throw this out...why not just say, 'We're a couple' and walk away? I think you make it so much more intriguing to the guest to cloak and dagger the whole relationship. You're a couple, why not just say so?
At this point in my life there's not much I won't talk about. Altho, we have had guests for years who finally just come out and ask if we're married, have we always been married, are the kids 'ours' or 'mine and yours'? Remarkable restraint, but eventually they crack.

I guess I don't want to answer because I find the question just so damn rude! I really don't find that it is any of their business, it's part of my personal life. I don't ask guests about theirs, it's none of my damn business! What's next, asking their favourite sexual positions, the choice of contraceptives and if they use the rhythm method? There are boundaries!
We have had one or two Canadians ask, but I know exactly what to say to a Canadian to indicate that they are being rude, the most important of which is simply "excuse me?" (it's the intonation, they quickly understand that they violated a personal boundary). But it is generally considered rude in Canada to ask such personal questions (oddly enough, it's not considered rude to ask someone what they do for a living, but it extremely gauche to ask how much they earn). And considering that women don't have the same name as a spouse there is no way to know if someone is married or not... if they do have the same last name, they could be siblings or parent/child. I have no way of knowing if I have two sisters, two friends or a Lesbian couple, but I don't care either, because it's just none of my damn business... all I need to do is treat them with the same respect I accord all my guests.
I understand it's a cultural difference. The same way that we kiss friends on two cheeks is cultural. I'm just looking for the nicest way to indicate to a person that this is violating a cultural norm.
.

It's a normal question. If you find it offensive then be offensive right back. 'It's none of your beeswax. And, BTW, Canadians find it highly offensive to ask such questions. You'd be wise to not try that sort of thing on the street.' Offer up local info to guests. Otherwise they won't know.
You just have to understand the cultural differences and work with them. Americans, and I am assuming you mean Americans, are curious. That is not the same as nosy. We like to know stuff. It's why we invent things and went to the moon and on great explorations. We want to know. I look on curiosity as a great gift. If you don't you have to tell us. Otherwise we keep at it.
'It is not culturally acceptable to ask those questions in Canada.' Case closed. Walk away. Snub the Americans, they get it everywhere they go, they're used to it.
BTW, you do know you have me rethinking moving to Canada, right? I'm not thinking it will be a good fit for me after all.
.

...
'It is not culturally acceptable to ask those questions in Canada.' Case closed. Walk away. Snub the Americans, they get it everywhere they go, they're used to it.
BTW, you do know you have me rethinking moving to Canada, right? I'm not thinking it will be a good fit for me after all.

I just find it difficult to be rude. With Canadians it's so easy, just you say "excuse me?" with an uplift of the voice and they know they crossed the line. But I just don't want to be rude.
I'll say it another way, so many people in Canada no longer bother to get married anymore. And if they do, many don't change their last name. I guess we just find it rude to put someone on the spot like that and have to explain their life choices, when it's really not our business. I can be perfectly happy not knowing the relationship of the people sharing the beds in my house... I don't need to inquire. Never felt the need.
It's one thing with friends, but with total strangers?
.

...
'It is not culturally acceptable to ask those questions in Canada.' Case closed. Walk away. Snub the Americans, they get it everywhere they go, they're used to it.
BTW, you do know you have me rethinking moving to Canada, right? I'm not thinking it will be a good fit for me after all.

I just find it difficult to be rude. With Canadians it's so easy, just you say "excuse me?" with an uplift of the voice and they know they crossed the line. But I just don't want to be rude.
I'll say it another way, so many people in Canada no longer bother to get married anymore. And if they do, many don't change their last name. I guess we just find it rude to put someone on the spot like that and have to explain their life choices, when it's really not our business. I can be perfectly happy not knowing the relationship of the people sharing the beds in my house... I don't need to inquire. Never felt the need.
It's one thing with friends, but with total strangers?

It could be local customs, too. We have a good number of gay couples who come here from Canada (the Maritimes) and ALL of the guys have told us in advance. 'My partner and I...' The women never mention it because it is culturally acceptable for 2 women to share a bed. 2 guys? Nope, they test the waters in advance. Essentially wanting to know if they are welcome.
Would I ask them? No. I don't care. The spouse always asks me tho, 'So, do you think they're brothers?'
I think guests are just trying to understand who they are staying with.

 

[Joey Camb]

We've found that with guests, for some reason, nothing is off the table as far as asking us. In spite of your reluctance, we find Canadians asking us all the time about the same stuff Americans ask. Europeans want to talk politics, they don't care about our personal lives.
I find that the easiest deflection of unwanted questions is to ask back, 'Why do you ask?' In your case, where they didn't stop and continued to pursue the answer they wanted to hear by even asking someone else, definitely, 'I keep my personal life on the other side of the inn door.'
And here's where I will just throw this out...why not just say, 'We're a couple' and walk away? I think you make it so much more intriguing to the guest to cloak and dagger the whole relationship. You're a couple, why not just say so?
At this point in my life there's not much I won't talk about. Altho, we have had guests for years who finally just come out and ask if we're married, have we always been married, are the kids 'ours' or 'mine and yours'? Remarkable restraint, but eventually they crack. .

We've found that with guests, for some reason, nothing is off the table as far as asking us. In spite of your reluctance, we find Canadians asking us all the time about the same stuff Americans ask. Europeans want to talk politics, they don't care about our personal lives.
I find that the easiest deflection of unwanted questions is to ask back, 'Why do you ask?' In your case, where they didn't stop and continued to pursue the answer they wanted to hear by even asking someone else, definitely, 'I keep my personal life on the other side of the inn door.'
And here's where I will just throw this out...why not just say, 'We're a couple' and walk away? I think you make it so much more intriguing to the guest to cloak and dagger the whole relationship. You're a couple, why not just say so?
At this point in my life there's not much I won't talk about. Altho, we have had guests for years who finally just come out and ask if we're married, have we always been married, are the kids 'ours' or 'mine and yours'? Remarkable restraint, but eventually they crack.

I guess I don't want to answer because I find the question just so damn rude! I really don't find that it is any of their business, it's part of my personal life. I don't ask guests about theirs, it's none of my damn business! What's next, asking their favourite sexual positions, the choice of contraceptives and if they use the rhythm method? There are boundaries!
We have had one or two Canadians ask, but I know exactly what to say to a Canadian to indicate that they are being rude, the most important of which is simply "excuse me?" (it's the intonation, they quickly understand that they violated a personal boundary). But it is generally considered rude in Canada to ask such personal questions (oddly enough, it's not considered rude to ask someone what they do for a living, but it extremely gauche to ask how much they earn). And considering that women don't have the same name as a spouse there is no way to know if someone is married or not... if they do have the same last name, they could be siblings or parent/child. I have no way of knowing if I have two sisters, two friends or a Lesbian couple, but I don't care either, because it's just none of my damn business... all I need to do is treat them with the same respect I accord all my guests.
I understand it's a cultural difference. The same way that we kiss friends on two cheeks is cultural. I'm just looking for the nicest way to indicate to a person that this is violating a cultural norm.
.

It's a normal question. If you find it offensive then be offensive right back. 'It's none of your beeswax. And, BTW, Canadians find it highly offensive to ask such questions. You'd be wise to not try that sort of thing on the street.' Offer up local info to guests. Otherwise they won't know.
You just have to understand the cultural differences and work with them. Americans, and I am assuming you mean Americans, are curious. That is not the same as nosy. We like to know stuff. It's why we invent things and went to the moon and on great explorations. We want to know. I look on curiosity as a great gift. If you don't you have to tell us. Otherwise we keep at it.
'It is not culturally acceptable to ask those questions in Canada.' Case closed. Walk away. Snub the Americans, they get it everywhere they go, they're used to it.
BTW, you do know you have me rethinking moving to Canada, right? I'm not thinking it will be a good fit for me after all.
.

...
'It is not culturally acceptable to ask those questions in Canada.' Case closed. Walk away. Snub the Americans, they get it everywhere they go, they're used to it.
BTW, you do know you have me rethinking moving to Canada, right? I'm not thinking it will be a good fit for me after all.

I just find it difficult to be rude. With Canadians it's so easy, just you say "excuse me?" with an uplift of the voice and they know they crossed the line. But I just don't want to be rude.
I'll say it another way, so many people in Canada no longer bother to get married anymore. And if they do, many don't change their last name. I guess we just find it rude to put someone on the spot like that and have to explain their life choices, when it's really not our business. I can be perfectly happy not knowing the relationship of the people sharing the beds in my house... I don't need to inquire. Never felt the need.
It's one thing with friends, but with total strangers?
.

...
'It is not culturally acceptable to ask those questions in Canada.' Case closed. Walk away. Snub the Americans, they get it everywhere they go, they're used to it.
BTW, you do know you have me rethinking moving to Canada, right? I'm not thinking it will be a good fit for me after all.

I just find it difficult to be rude. With Canadians it's so easy, just you say "excuse me?" with an uplift of the voice and they know they crossed the line. But I just don't want to be rude.
I'll say it another way, so many people in Canada no longer bother to get married anymore. And if they do, many don't change their last name. I guess we just find it rude to put someone on the spot like that and have to explain their life choices, when it's really not our business. I can be perfectly happy not knowing the relationship of the people sharing the beds in my house... I don't need to inquire. Never felt the need.
It's one thing with friends, but with total strangers?

It could be local customs, too. We have a good number of gay couples who come here from Canada (the Maritimes) and ALL of the guys have told us in advance. 'My partner and I...' The women never mention it because it is culturally acceptable for 2 women to share a bed. 2 guys? Nope, they test the waters in advance. Essentially wanting to know if they are welcome.
Would I ask them? No. I don't care. The spouse always asks me tho, 'So, do you think they're brothers?'
I think guests are just trying to understand who they are staying with.
.

Mind you it sometimes puts me in a weird position had two chaps arrive had booked a double but one was a lot older and had booked a double was tempted to ask would you prefer a twin but didn't want to be in trouble if they were a couple (there are many may and december matches) anyhow when they came to check out it turned out they were father and son and the "wife" of the son had paid for them so we were to charge her card. I work on the basis they booked it so unless they ask for something else its their problem.

 

[Proud Texan]

"What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" should be the mantra for all B&Bs.

 

[rolexjhon]

I was suggested this website by my cousin. I am not sure whether this post is written by him as no one else know such detailed about my problem. You’re amazing! Thanks! glass dining table