21st Century Etiquette

[gillumhouse]

Mr. John Smith & Ms. Jane Smith, always, nowadays, if you want to be formal. John & Jane, informal. Never skip her first name, she's no longer insignificant. You can also go with John & Jane Smith without the Mr. and Ms. part.
Of course on this side of the border, marriage is old fashioned (we don't need it for legal purposes anymore) and of course in my jurisdiction women can't take their husband's last name anyway. Not to mention that is is extremely sexist... why isn't he taking her last name?
On this side of the border the proper word to use is spouse, not husband or wife... EVER! It doesn't judge if you are married or unmarried nor if you are Ms. and Ms. or even Mr. and Mr. The other acceptable word is "partner" again doesn't suggest sex of the person. Or if you need another synonym, significant other.
BTW, it's very gauche to ask if people are married around here. It's one of those bedroom items.... like asking people their favourite sex position. Nope, not going there!.

Of course on this side of the border, marriage is old fashioned (we don't need it for legal purposes anymore) and of course in my jurisdiction women can't take their husband's last name anyway. Not to mention that is is extremely sexist... why isn't he taking her last name?

I know of two men that took their wives name when they got married.
.

Here it's not allowed either way. If you want, you can go through the legal process for changing your name, but marriage is NOT listed as a valid reason.
.

What has become an option here is a new last name for both - (1) double barrel or brand new (2) say we are jones smith they may do an alagamation Jonith or combination of letters or something completely different like Turnip or whatever. Its come from a realisation we can't keep hyphonating or we are going to end up with Jones-Smith-Thompson-smythes before long and its going to be bedlam on forms.
Also people from the Eastern European countries as part of their assimilation are changing their names to blend in and be easier to say and spell by taking UK last names.
.

...brand new (2) say we are jones smith they may do an amalgamation Jonith or combination of letters or something completely different like Turnip or whatever.

I feel sorry for people in the future trying to trace family trees.
.

...brand new (2) say we are jones smith they may do an amalgamation Jonith or combination of letters or something completely different like Turnip or whatever.

I feel sorry for people in the future trying to trace family trees.

There are plenty of resources for folks to do that - consider everyone who came thru Ellis island and had their name changed by someone who didn't speak their language or didn't give a care how this foreigner's name was spelled. (Or, the foreigner who decided to leave the past across the pond and now be someone else altogether.) Or families who had their individual names changed so dad and brother got one spelling, sister got another, mother something else altogether.
I worked with two brothers from Iraq who spelled their last name differently from each other.
.

My Uncle had the family traced back I do not remember how far back - at least one or 2 generations prior to 1639 when the first of them trod on North American soil in Massachusetts. Even then brothers were spelling the family name differently. Worcester was also spelled Wooster, Woster, and I think I remember seeing a Wosster.

 

[Tom]

Mr. John Smith & Ms. Jane Smith, always, nowadays, if you want to be formal. John & Jane, informal. Never skip her first name, she's no longer insignificant. You can also go with John & Jane Smith without the Mr. and Ms. part.
Of course on this side of the border, marriage is old fashioned (we don't need it for legal purposes anymore) and of course in my jurisdiction women can't take their husband's last name anyway. Not to mention that is is extremely sexist... why isn't he taking her last name?
On this side of the border the proper word to use is spouse, not husband or wife... EVER! It doesn't judge if you are married or unmarried nor if you are Ms. and Ms. or even Mr. and Mr. The other acceptable word is "partner" again doesn't suggest sex of the person. Or if you need another synonym, significant other.
BTW, it's very gauche to ask if people are married around here. It's one of those bedroom items.... like asking people their favourite sex position. Nope, not going there!.

Of course on this side of the border, marriage is old fashioned (we don't need it for legal purposes anymore) and of course in my jurisdiction women can't take their husband's last name anyway. Not to mention that is is extremely sexist... why isn't he taking her last name?

I know of two men that took their wives name when they got married.
.

Here it's not allowed either way. If you want, you can go through the legal process for changing your name, but marriage is NOT listed as a valid reason.
.

What has become an option here is a new last name for both - (1) double barrel or brand new (2) say we are jones smith they may do an alagamation Jonith or combination of letters or something completely different like Turnip or whatever. Its come from a realisation we can't keep hyphonating or we are going to end up with Jones-Smith-Thompson-smythes before long and its going to be bedlam on forms.
Also people from the Eastern European countries as part of their assimilation are changing their names to blend in and be easier to say and spell by taking UK last names.
.

...brand new (2) say we are jones smith they may do an amalgamation Jonith or combination of letters or something completely different like Turnip or whatever.

I feel sorry for people in the future trying to trace family trees.
.

...brand new (2) say we are jones smith they may do an amalgamation Jonith or combination of letters or something completely different like Turnip or whatever.

I feel sorry for people in the future trying to trace family trees.

There are plenty of resources for folks to do that - consider everyone who came thru Ellis island and had their name changed by someone who didn't speak their language or didn't give a care how this foreigner's name was spelled. (Or, the foreigner who decided to leave the past across the pond and now be someone else altogether.) Or families who had their individual names changed so dad and brother got one spelling, sister got another, mother something else altogether.
I worked with two brothers from Iraq who spelled their last name differently from each other.
.

20 yrs back DW and I went to Ellis Island to find her ancestors. Name changed, lost forever. In many ways, it was a world they did not want to remember and so no written remembrance.

 

[TheBeachHouse]

Long time disciple of Miss Manners here.
For Formal notes such as invitations.
If they have the same name, Mr. and Mrs. John Name.
If they have two last names, Mr. John Name and Ms. Jane Othername
If they are the same gender, Mr.'s John and Joe Name
Or Mr. John Name and Mr. Joe Othername.
If you are good friends and sending a birthday or holiday card or thank you note, you can do as you suggest and use first names; John and Jane Name or John Name and Jane Othername.

 

[Samster]

Or, Mr. & Ms.
Mr. & Dr.
Mr. & Maj
Dr. & Dr.
Just teasing really. But, I have never gone by Mrs. my entire 41 years of married life. But, that is the fall back position...

 

[user 26]

and in my niece's case ... Mr. and Dr. ... she is the Dr. Actually, I have three nieces that are Dr's, their husbands are not. Should Dr. go before Mr. ? I really don't know

 

[Samster]

and in my niece's case ... Mr. and Dr. ... she is the Dr. Actually, I have three nieces that are Dr's, their husbands are not. Should Dr. go before Mr. ? I really don't know.

One never knows, do they, SS?