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Morticia

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We have such intimate access to the lives of our guests at times. On days like today, it just makes me wonder. We have a family of 5 here. All laughing and joking and generally in a good mood. 3 teens. There are other mornings when the teens are so sullen and unresponsive they won't even nod a head to indicate they would like juice or not.
It always makes me wonder why some kids are happy go lucky and others seem like the weight of the world is on their shoulders!
 

Morticia

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I think it has to do with the parents:-(.
catlady said:
I think it has to do with the parents:-(
Even if it is the parents, I don't see how some parents do it. One teen came to breakfast in shorts. It snowed last night so the parents said, 'You're elected to go scrape off the car.' Kid says, 'Why me?' (And NOT in a whiney voice.) Parents both said, 'You're the only one dressed for it!' Gales of laughter from the whole family. It continued on that way all thru breakfast.
 

GeorgiaGirl

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I think it has to do with the parents:-(.
catlady said:
I think it has to do with the parents:-(
I have one daughter that was always the "sullen" one, she would be the one in family pictures who wouldn't smile and then I have another daughter who has always been the happy go lucky one, the biggest ham, so I'm not sure if it has to do with the parents.....they were both raised exactly the same, in the same household with the same parents....?
 

JunieBJones (JBJ)

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Are you kidding me?
Welcome to the "hormone group" - that is the way it is.
Parents always try to make kids HAPPY all the time and that is the problem with our society. Kids shouldn't always get their way, let them sulk once in a while, let them be sullen and suffer consquences of a bad choice they made.
But of course it goes much deeper - divorce, affairs, misery brought on by those that supposedly love them. They feel the impact of their parents bad choices as well.
Then there is simply personality at play. Every child has a niche in his or her family to fill. There is only one bubbly happy go lucky niche - and the other kid who sees the parents reacting and liking that niche has to carve out his/her own - maybe troubled niche to get some attention.
Heck there are libraries full of books on the subject.
I am the one when I see a kid sulking who wants to remove them from my view - go sulk somewhere else you attention sucker. But sometimes we need to let kids have their own emotions and not just mimic the ones we tell them they should be feeling. As parents we want them to always be perfect - as kids they have a different idea on that topic.
 

Morticia

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Are you kidding me?
Welcome to the "hormone group" - that is the way it is.
Parents always try to make kids HAPPY all the time and that is the problem with our society. Kids shouldn't always get their way, let them sulk once in a while, let them be sullen and suffer consquences of a bad choice they made.
But of course it goes much deeper - divorce, affairs, misery brought on by those that supposedly love them. They feel the impact of their parents bad choices as well.
Then there is simply personality at play. Every child has a niche in his or her family to fill. There is only one bubbly happy go lucky niche - and the other kid who sees the parents reacting and liking that niche has to carve out his/her own - maybe troubled niche to get some attention.
Heck there are libraries full of books on the subject.
I am the one when I see a kid sulking who wants to remove them from my view - go sulk somewhere else you attention sucker. But sometimes we need to let kids have their own emotions and not just mimic the ones we tell them they should be feeling. As parents we want them to always be perfect - as kids they have a different idea on that topic..
My kids took turns occupying the 'happy' niche and the 'crabby' niche. If one was crabby and in trouble, the other went to pains to be nice and polite. Then they swapped. I never got 2 happy kids OR 2 crabby kids at a time. The only problem was the switching gears when the kids switched niches!
Sometimes, kids push the other sibling out of their niche. The youngest saw how much emphasis I put on school and knocked the older sib right out of the 'good in school' niche. Older kid, instead of trying to retrieve niche, fell into the 'bad in school' niche. Until college anyway, when older kid made the dean's list and graduated with honors and younger kid didn't.
Younger kid went for 'conservative' niche, older kid went for 'outrageous' niche. I wish they would find the 'I love my sibling, no matter how odd I think s/he is' niche.
 

gillumhouse

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The tendency is to blame the parents - not always true.
In our family I was the head down, arms folded one in the pictures usually. I was the oldest and expected to hoist the load usually taken on by the oldest boy. I was also brown hair/hazel eyes and fat. Next in line is my sister who is blond, blue eyes, and thin that all the relatives wanted to take home with them. I do know I paved the way for her by being - for the most part - straight and narrow because I had the fear of Mom's swift and accurate strap arm so she had priviledges I did not. Was I a happy kid, probably not, but I would not trade. I do know the farm was hard work but I liked the freedom we had then but would not dream of giving our kids today. Too many weirdos out there without restraints today.
Today, when I KNOW I am happy is better than when I was younger. I am a stronger person for it. My sister has not been as happy in her adult life - my opinion is because she had it so easy as a kid.
 

YellowSocks

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Parents, personality, hormones, birth order... I'm sure all these play their part.
But I think there's also something about a family's tone (or whatever the proper word would be, maybe culture?).
I grew up in a family that didn't tease. When I got to school I didn't know how to handle it. And we didn't joke enough. Well, my mother rarely told jokes, but the rest of us would. But then we'd go to visit relatives and I'd see an entirely different type of family interaction, lots of teasing and kidding around.
Early in our marriage my husband asked me why I married him. I told him it was because he made me laugh. (Unfortunately, he misunderstood me, and was offended for several months.) When the misundertanding came to light I was able to point out to him that I love to laugh, I like to be happy, I love jokes. I read the funnies every day. Humor and laughter are far more valuable to me than looks or money. No one on this planet can make me laugh faster, or deeper, than he can. And even when he's really grouchy, I can still get him going, sometimes without even having to say anything.
When my boys are teens I hope that we are that family in the dining room, laughing and having fun. We're working hard at it now. We laugh and tickle together. We watch funny movies online. ("Cows with Guns" is a smash hit.) I tell them jokes, even though they don't get them. ("Why did the egg cross the road? Because it had the inclination." Or, "Why did the chest of drawers cross the road? Because it always wanted to be a cross dresser.") They tell me jokes that make no sense at all, then laugh their heads off at them.
Like the title of this post says, "Family differences." We create our own family culture. Some things (like personality and hormones) are out of our control, but some things get set in place early on and become our own family stamp.
=)
Kk.
 

Morticia

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Parents, personality, hormones, birth order... I'm sure all these play their part.
But I think there's also something about a family's tone (or whatever the proper word would be, maybe culture?).
I grew up in a family that didn't tease. When I got to school I didn't know how to handle it. And we didn't joke enough. Well, my mother rarely told jokes, but the rest of us would. But then we'd go to visit relatives and I'd see an entirely different type of family interaction, lots of teasing and kidding around.
Early in our marriage my husband asked me why I married him. I told him it was because he made me laugh. (Unfortunately, he misunderstood me, and was offended for several months.) When the misundertanding came to light I was able to point out to him that I love to laugh, I like to be happy, I love jokes. I read the funnies every day. Humor and laughter are far more valuable to me than looks or money. No one on this planet can make me laugh faster, or deeper, than he can. And even when he's really grouchy, I can still get him going, sometimes without even having to say anything.
When my boys are teens I hope that we are that family in the dining room, laughing and having fun. We're working hard at it now. We laugh and tickle together. We watch funny movies online. ("Cows with Guns" is a smash hit.) I tell them jokes, even though they don't get them. ("Why did the egg cross the road? Because it had the inclination." Or, "Why did the chest of drawers cross the road? Because it always wanted to be a cross dresser.") They tell me jokes that make no sense at all, then laugh their heads off at them.
Like the title of this post says, "Family differences." We create our own family culture. Some things (like personality and hormones) are out of our control, but some things get set in place early on and become our own family stamp.
=)
Kk..
It has to be something about the family culture because I see it in hubs' family...the guys all teased the heck out of each other but the girls did not join in and I picked that up PRONTO. I fit right in with the guys because that's how my family worked. The sisters? They didn't know what to do with me.
My eldest nephew doesn't laugh or joke. His younger brother jokes non-stop. (Yes, they divvied up 'serious kid' and 'class clown'. And in my family, it's tough on 'serious kid' as the rest of us are 'class clown'.)
 

springlady

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Parents, personality, hormones, birth order... I'm sure all these play their part.
But I think there's also something about a family's tone (or whatever the proper word would be, maybe culture?).
I grew up in a family that didn't tease. When I got to school I didn't know how to handle it. And we didn't joke enough. Well, my mother rarely told jokes, but the rest of us would. But then we'd go to visit relatives and I'd see an entirely different type of family interaction, lots of teasing and kidding around.
Early in our marriage my husband asked me why I married him. I told him it was because he made me laugh. (Unfortunately, he misunderstood me, and was offended for several months.) When the misundertanding came to light I was able to point out to him that I love to laugh, I like to be happy, I love jokes. I read the funnies every day. Humor and laughter are far more valuable to me than looks or money. No one on this planet can make me laugh faster, or deeper, than he can. And even when he's really grouchy, I can still get him going, sometimes without even having to say anything.
When my boys are teens I hope that we are that family in the dining room, laughing and having fun. We're working hard at it now. We laugh and tickle together. We watch funny movies online. ("Cows with Guns" is a smash hit.) I tell them jokes, even though they don't get them. ("Why did the egg cross the road? Because it had the inclination." Or, "Why did the chest of drawers cross the road? Because it always wanted to be a cross dresser.") They tell me jokes that make no sense at all, then laugh their heads off at them.
Like the title of this post says, "Family differences." We create our own family culture. Some things (like personality and hormones) are out of our control, but some things get set in place early on and become our own family stamp.
=)
Kk..
It has to be something about the family culture because I see it in hubs' family...the guys all teased the heck out of each other but the girls did not join in and I picked that up PRONTO. I fit right in with the guys because that's how my family worked. The sisters? They didn't know what to do with me.
My eldest nephew doesn't laugh or joke. His younger brother jokes non-stop. (Yes, they divvied up 'serious kid' and 'class clown'. And in my family, it's tough on 'serious kid' as the rest of us are 'class clown'.)
.
Sometimes they're just BORN that way. When my oldest was delivered, the doctor put her next to me and when I spoke her eyes flew open and she looked at me. She did the same thing with her dad. There was a definite bond and she was into US.
Second one was completely different. She was born p*ssed off. She was giving attitude from day one and was always into HERSELF.
You can sit these two adult children down together and have them describe a family event and get two completely different stories. They were in the same place physically but not the same place mentally. I come from a group of four siblings and one of my brothers is the same way - we get together to reminisce and end up shaking our heads at what HE remembers because his take on things is so different from ours!
 

EmptyNest

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The tendency is to blame the parents - not always true.
In our family I was the head down, arms folded one in the pictures usually. I was the oldest and expected to hoist the load usually taken on by the oldest boy. I was also brown hair/hazel eyes and fat. Next in line is my sister who is blond, blue eyes, and thin that all the relatives wanted to take home with them. I do know I paved the way for her by being - for the most part - straight and narrow because I had the fear of Mom's swift and accurate strap arm so she had priviledges I did not. Was I a happy kid, probably not, but I would not trade. I do know the farm was hard work but I liked the freedom we had then but would not dream of giving our kids today. Too many weirdos out there without restraints today.
Today, when I KNOW I am happy is better than when I was younger. I am a stronger person for it. My sister has not been as happy in her adult life - my opinion is because she had it so easy as a kid..
Sorry I guess it was a generaliztion just to say parents...I realize that is not always the case either. We all have our own unique personalities and develop them ourselves. I was just suggesting that parents can play an important role is molding the child. But by the time they get to their teens and hormones break lose there is no accounting for some things:-(
 

gillumhouse

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Parents, personality, hormones, birth order... I'm sure all these play their part.
But I think there's also something about a family's tone (or whatever the proper word would be, maybe culture?).
I grew up in a family that didn't tease. When I got to school I didn't know how to handle it. And we didn't joke enough. Well, my mother rarely told jokes, but the rest of us would. But then we'd go to visit relatives and I'd see an entirely different type of family interaction, lots of teasing and kidding around.
Early in our marriage my husband asked me why I married him. I told him it was because he made me laugh. (Unfortunately, he misunderstood me, and was offended for several months.) When the misundertanding came to light I was able to point out to him that I love to laugh, I like to be happy, I love jokes. I read the funnies every day. Humor and laughter are far more valuable to me than looks or money. No one on this planet can make me laugh faster, or deeper, than he can. And even when he's really grouchy, I can still get him going, sometimes without even having to say anything.
When my boys are teens I hope that we are that family in the dining room, laughing and having fun. We're working hard at it now. We laugh and tickle together. We watch funny movies online. ("Cows with Guns" is a smash hit.) I tell them jokes, even though they don't get them. ("Why did the egg cross the road? Because it had the inclination." Or, "Why did the chest of drawers cross the road? Because it always wanted to be a cross dresser.") They tell me jokes that make no sense at all, then laugh their heads off at them.
Like the title of this post says, "Family differences." We create our own family culture. Some things (like personality and hormones) are out of our control, but some things get set in place early on and become our own family stamp.
=)
Kk..
The one I went to the delivery room with had a joke that he loved to tell and I ALWAYS went into gales of laughter for him when he told it, He would ask: What are you wearing under there?
ReplyL Under where?
Hahahahahahahahah
 

gillumhouse

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Parents, personality, hormones, birth order... I'm sure all these play their part.
But I think there's also something about a family's tone (or whatever the proper word would be, maybe culture?).
I grew up in a family that didn't tease. When I got to school I didn't know how to handle it. And we didn't joke enough. Well, my mother rarely told jokes, but the rest of us would. But then we'd go to visit relatives and I'd see an entirely different type of family interaction, lots of teasing and kidding around.
Early in our marriage my husband asked me why I married him. I told him it was because he made me laugh. (Unfortunately, he misunderstood me, and was offended for several months.) When the misundertanding came to light I was able to point out to him that I love to laugh, I like to be happy, I love jokes. I read the funnies every day. Humor and laughter are far more valuable to me than looks or money. No one on this planet can make me laugh faster, or deeper, than he can. And even when he's really grouchy, I can still get him going, sometimes without even having to say anything.
When my boys are teens I hope that we are that family in the dining room, laughing and having fun. We're working hard at it now. We laugh and tickle together. We watch funny movies online. ("Cows with Guns" is a smash hit.) I tell them jokes, even though they don't get them. ("Why did the egg cross the road? Because it had the inclination." Or, "Why did the chest of drawers cross the road? Because it always wanted to be a cross dresser.") They tell me jokes that make no sense at all, then laugh their heads off at them.
Like the title of this post says, "Family differences." We create our own family culture. Some things (like personality and hormones) are out of our control, but some things get set in place early on and become our own family stamp.
=)
Kk..
It has to be something about the family culture because I see it in hubs' family...the guys all teased the heck out of each other but the girls did not join in and I picked that up PRONTO. I fit right in with the guys because that's how my family worked. The sisters? They didn't know what to do with me.
My eldest nephew doesn't laugh or joke. His younger brother jokes non-stop. (Yes, they divvied up 'serious kid' and 'class clown'. And in my family, it's tough on 'serious kid' as the rest of us are 'class clown'.)
.
Sometimes they're just BORN that way. When my oldest was delivered, the doctor put her next to me and when I spoke her eyes flew open and she looked at me. She did the same thing with her dad. There was a definite bond and she was into US.
Second one was completely different. She was born p*ssed off. She was giving attitude from day one and was always into HERSELF.
You can sit these two adult children down together and have them describe a family event and get two completely different stories. They were in the same place physically but not the same place mentally. I come from a group of four siblings and one of my brothers is the same way - we get together to reminisce and end up shaking our heads at what HE remembers because his take on things is so different from ours!
.
We listen to our kids talk about trips we took and wonder if it was the same trip WE were on?
 

Morticia

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Parents, personality, hormones, birth order... I'm sure all these play their part.
But I think there's also something about a family's tone (or whatever the proper word would be, maybe culture?).
I grew up in a family that didn't tease. When I got to school I didn't know how to handle it. And we didn't joke enough. Well, my mother rarely told jokes, but the rest of us would. But then we'd go to visit relatives and I'd see an entirely different type of family interaction, lots of teasing and kidding around.
Early in our marriage my husband asked me why I married him. I told him it was because he made me laugh. (Unfortunately, he misunderstood me, and was offended for several months.) When the misundertanding came to light I was able to point out to him that I love to laugh, I like to be happy, I love jokes. I read the funnies every day. Humor and laughter are far more valuable to me than looks or money. No one on this planet can make me laugh faster, or deeper, than he can. And even when he's really grouchy, I can still get him going, sometimes without even having to say anything.
When my boys are teens I hope that we are that family in the dining room, laughing and having fun. We're working hard at it now. We laugh and tickle together. We watch funny movies online. ("Cows with Guns" is a smash hit.) I tell them jokes, even though they don't get them. ("Why did the egg cross the road? Because it had the inclination." Or, "Why did the chest of drawers cross the road? Because it always wanted to be a cross dresser.") They tell me jokes that make no sense at all, then laugh their heads off at them.
Like the title of this post says, "Family differences." We create our own family culture. Some things (like personality and hormones) are out of our control, but some things get set in place early on and become our own family stamp.
=)
Kk..
It has to be something about the family culture because I see it in hubs' family...the guys all teased the heck out of each other but the girls did not join in and I picked that up PRONTO. I fit right in with the guys because that's how my family worked. The sisters? They didn't know what to do with me.
My eldest nephew doesn't laugh or joke. His younger brother jokes non-stop. (Yes, they divvied up 'serious kid' and 'class clown'. And in my family, it's tough on 'serious kid' as the rest of us are 'class clown'.)
.
Sometimes they're just BORN that way. When my oldest was delivered, the doctor put her next to me and when I spoke her eyes flew open and she looked at me. She did the same thing with her dad. There was a definite bond and she was into US.
Second one was completely different. She was born p*ssed off. She was giving attitude from day one and was always into HERSELF.
You can sit these two adult children down together and have them describe a family event and get two completely different stories. They were in the same place physically but not the same place mentally. I come from a group of four siblings and one of my brothers is the same way - we get together to reminisce and end up shaking our heads at what HE remembers because his take on things is so different from ours!
.
Absolutely! Different people remember the same thing differently. Hubs has 8 sibs. They all grew up in a 'different' family, some with VERY young parents, some with parents who had stable incomes, some with parents who were smack dab in the middle of poverty, some with 2 parents, some with only 1. They ALL had a different life in the same family.
Talking with my mother is a hoot. She remembers me being totally protective of my brother, defending my baby brother against kids I wouldn't go near if they bothered ME. And yet I remember wishing he would go back where he came from. I have NO memories of defending him against all comers!
 

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