Goodbye

[swirt]

You know...it must be something in the air....this is not the only forum having these issues amongst its members.
Actually, I think the stress of the economy, elections, etc. has really gotten to all of us. There is another forum on which I am a very active participant - the Hatteras Owners’ Forum. Those guys over there are like family to each other (and to me - they’ve taught me darn near everything I know about diesel mechanics and complex marine systems) because we all have an undescribable passion for our classic Hatteras boats/yachts. We are a really tight bunch and always bend over backwards to help out each in our time of need - perfect example was the number of volunteers who traveled hundreds of miles to help one member who had to cross the Gulf of Mexico on one engine, with the possibility putting their own lives in danger, and each bringing something of importance like a life raft, an EPIRB (that that electronic thing that alerts the Coast Guard of your position when ya sink), etc. - and they had never even met that member in person until it was time to make the trip in an effort to get the crippled boat home. That’s just how tight we are.
Right after the election results, I noticed more and more arguments being had and things being said that were on the level of personal attacks and surprisingly to the point of racist remarks, something we had never seen over there. We had pretty much stopped talking about boats and boating. Some members packed their bags and left the forum in anger. No, the election didn’t go the way we ("we" as in the collective group of Hatteras owners) wanted it to go, and I think that’s when people just exploded, tempers flared at the wrong places and wrong times and for the wrong reasons, and the stress that had been bottled up in everyone finally found its release; unfortunately, we lashed out on those we love and hurt each other in the process, and it was like a chemical reaction that couldn't be stopped. I even caught myself "reaching out to slap someone" for something he said.
I think this behavior will pass in time, and those who "leave home" will surely return. We had this happen at the Hatteras forum once before. They have all returned. So, hang in there!.

Thanks Ang, I think you are right. I have participated in many forums on a variety of different themes and every once in a while they all have flare-ups for a variety of reasons. "This too shall pass" is probably a good thing for everyone to keep nestled in the corner of a smile.

 

[Penelope]

All of these pleas to get her not to leave will be for nothing if she really meant what she said and won't be back.
I guess it could be a learning lesson for us all, though, on this forum and in real life.

 

[EmptyNest]

You know...it must be something in the air....this is not the only forum having these issues amongst its members.
Actually, I think the stress of the economy, elections, etc. has really gotten to all of us. There is another forum on which I am a very active participant - the Hatteras Owners’ Forum. Those guys over there are like family to each other (and to me - they’ve taught me darn near everything I know about diesel mechanics and complex marine systems) because we all have an undescribable passion for our classic Hatteras boats/yachts. We are a really tight bunch and always bend over backwards to help out each in our time of need - perfect example was the number of volunteers who traveled hundreds of miles to help one member who had to cross the Gulf of Mexico on one engine, with the possibility putting their own lives in danger, and each bringing something of importance like a life raft, an EPIRB (that that electronic thing that alerts the Coast Guard of your position when ya sink), etc. - and they had never even met that member in person until it was time to make the trip in an effort to get the crippled boat home. That’s just how tight we are.
Right after the election results, I noticed more and more arguments being had and things being said that were on the level of personal attacks and surprisingly to the point of racist remarks, something we had never seen over there. We had pretty much stopped talking about boats and boating. Some members packed their bags and left the forum in anger. No, the election didn’t go the way we ("we" as in the collective group of Hatteras owners) wanted it to go, and I think that’s when people just exploded, tempers flared at the wrong places and wrong times and for the wrong reasons, and the stress that had been bottled up in everyone finally found its release; unfortunately, we lashed out on those we love and hurt each other in the process, and it was like a chemical reaction that couldn't be stopped. I even caught myself "reaching out to slap someone" for something he said.
I think this behavior will pass in time, and those who "leave home" will surely return. We had this happen at the Hatteras forum once before. They have all returned. So, hang in there!.

Thanks Ang, I think you are right. I have participated in many forums on a variety of different themes and every once in a while they all have flare-ups for a variety of reasons. "This too shall pass" is probably a good thing for everyone to keep nestled in the corner of a smile.
.

This too will pass...one of my most favorite and Often repeated phrases

 

[mjsgeorgia]

I extended the hand of friendship to Adele yesterday, in hopes that she didn't think all innkeepers were like some of the ones she's come in contact with on this forum. We talked on the phone, and mostly, she was shocked at the reception she received. As a casual observer, I was puzzled and then amazed at how a lot of what she said was attacked in some way...her "shark" analogy was actually pretty accurate, I thought. I understand how we all come from different backgrounds, different levels of experience, different preferences for what is "right", different ways of doing things. What I DON'T understand is why ANY post on this forum needs to be hostile, rude or accusatory. I'm all for being honest, but whatever happened to sharing ideas and thoughts respectfully? Some of the things said to her have been removed by the posters...HMMM, wonder why? I doubt she'll be back, and I can't say I blame her. Kind of hard to disregard or ignore things like ..."Suggestion: Do an attitude adjustment or kiss us off."

 

[JunieBJones (JBJ)]

I don't see anything in the italics that warrantly that drastic a response.
Remember, "attitude adjustment" advice goes both ways..

.
.

Please STOP THE MADNESS. LET IT GO OR PEOPLE WILL CONTINUE THIS THEAD AD NAUSEUM!

 

[gillumhouse]

I extended the hand of friendship to Adele yesterday, in hopes that she didn't think all innkeepers were like some of the ones she's come in contact with on this forum. We talked on the phone, and mostly, she was shocked at the reception she received. As a casual observer, I was puzzled and then amazed at how a lot of what she said was attacked in some way...her "shark" analogy was actually pretty accurate, I thought. I understand how we all come from different backgrounds, different levels of experience, different preferences for what is "right", different ways of doing things. What I DON'T understand is why ANY post on this forum needs to be hostile, rude or accusatory. I'm all for being honest, but whatever happened to sharing ideas and thoughts respectfully? Some of the things said to her have been removed by the posters...HMMM, wonder why? I doubt she'll be back, and I can't say I blame her. Kind of hard to disregard or ignore things like ..."Suggestion: Do an attitude adjustment or kiss us off.".

I had vowed to not respond in any way, however, my sentence has been taken out of context so many times that I really cannot defend myself. Has anyone who has castigated me for that statement read the entire post? Or taken the time to read my thread requesting a truce by all?
I do believe that if anyone does this, they will see that many attempts were made - by me and others - to "make nice". I am sorry if you feel AG was "dumped on" but that is a tactic used by many to make everyone except themselves the "bad guy". Do you really think that one sentence was the entire post? I am all for peace and tranquility as well as lively discussion but I definitely draw the line at anyone implying that I am being insulting or calling names. When I am trying to be nasty, I announce it.
Believe me, there have been a couple times I made a "crack" that was not meant to take offense and it did and I got lumps. OK, I had the choice of saying OK, that is it goodbye or looking at it as OK that was the reaction on that thread - on to the next discussion, which by the way, is what I did thankfully.
Almost evey time there was a thread posted, every other innkeeper was belittled as if WE had no experience - even though some have been doing B & B for many years - 13 for me, and I had over 10 years in hotel work prior. On almost every thread, the regulars here who represent innkeepers from all over the US and Canada in inns of varying sizes were assumed to be ready to rip/dump/whatever word was used before they had a chance to say anything. I have been called a lot of things, many of them correctly as I admit to being a witch no matter how you want to spell it, but I have never been called a shark. For one thing, I am a very poor swimmer.
Please do not take this as a castigation, it is not. I am trying to weigh my words so they do not come across as harsh. This is truly meant to be a place to exchange ideas and information. But it is also like a TV or a radio - if you do not like what you are seeing (reading), change the channel or hit the off switch. It is like most things in life - personal choice. I am not foisting my choices on anyone. I am not saying my experience is more or better than yours (anyones). Each person has something to "bring to the table" and is welcome to do it but please, be fair and do not rush to judgement. I stand by what I said - translation since the attitude adjustment (perhaps a bad terminology) was misunderstood - be constructive or informative with your comments or kiss us off (change the channel).

 

[YellowSocks]

You know...it must be something in the air....this is not the only forum having these issues amongst its members.
Actually, I think the stress of the economy, elections, etc. has really gotten to all of us. There is another forum on which I am a very active participant - the Hatteras Owners’ Forum. Those guys over there are like family to each other (and to me - they’ve taught me darn near everything I know about diesel mechanics and complex marine systems) because we all have an undescribable passion for our classic Hatteras boats/yachts. We are a really tight bunch and always bend over backwards to help out each in our time of need - perfect example was the number of volunteers who traveled hundreds of miles to help one member who had to cross the Gulf of Mexico on one engine, with the possibility putting their own lives in danger, and each bringing something of importance like a life raft, an EPIRB (that that electronic thing that alerts the Coast Guard of your position when ya sink), etc. - and they had never even met that member in person until it was time to make the trip in an effort to get the crippled boat home. That’s just how tight we are.
Right after the election results, I noticed more and more arguments being had and things being said that were on the level of personal attacks and surprisingly to the point of racist remarks, something we had never seen over there. We had pretty much stopped talking about boats and boating. Some members packed their bags and left the forum in anger. No, the election didn’t go the way we ("we" as in the collective group of Hatteras owners) wanted it to go, and I think that’s when people just exploded, tempers flared at the wrong places and wrong times and for the wrong reasons, and the stress that had been bottled up in everyone finally found its release; unfortunately, we lashed out on those we love and hurt each other in the process, and it was like a chemical reaction that couldn't be stopped. I even caught myself "reaching out to slap someone" for something he said.
I think this behavior will pass in time, and those who "leave home" will surely return. We had this happen at the Hatteras forum once before. They have all returned. So, hang in there!.

You know...it must be something in the air....this is not the only forum having these issues amongst its members.

Ya know, I was thinking that, too. We (my dh and I) have found (over the course of many years) that October and November (and even September at times) are bad months, especially for my husband (but not great for me, either). Something about the encroaching darkness, maybe. Or impending holidays. Or crush of work that always seems to hit. Just a tough time all around, which we slog through every year.
Maybe it's not just dh and me who go through it...
The good news is, it always gets better eventually.
=)
Kk.

 

[jkarennj]

Sometimes the best policy is to say nothing at all, when you see a fellow member of this forum using improper, foolish or emotion-laden words. Forums and other self-generated content on the internet give people enough rope to hang themselves. Again, sometimes the best policy is to say nothing and let folks hang themselves. If no one reacted to the off-color and improper posts, then they would die on the vine. But it seems that some on this forum can't help but breathe more life into posts that didn't seem to be as malicious or sharp as they are sometimes received. I think there was a post recently by someone who was singing the praises of her New Yorker guests and how they are the best, and even made a comment about how only high-class B&Bs were good enough for New York guests. My impression was that maybe on that particular day, she had some fantastic guests from New York, was feeling proud of her inn and wanted to share it with the group. Yes, there might have been a boastful tone...but the conversation got so out of hand, I wouldn't be surprised if new forum members saw that and said, "I'm outta here!" The best thing to do would have been for no one to comment. There was no value in that particular forum posting, so ignore it and move on. If someone just HAD to comment, maybe you could have talked about how great your Ohio guests are...or your Canadian guests...and created more of a friendly competitive thing...rather than immediately questioning or trashing New Yorkers. Saying something unkind about New Yorkers was the first response, and it set off a chain reaction of unnecessary posts.
I have the benefit of communicating with many innkeepers every day of the week. I was surprised to see how emotional many emails, phone calls, letters and forum postings I saw in the first few months of my job at PAII - much more than I had seen in other industries. But, I came to realize that innkeepers have a very, very tough job, and many times there is no immediate outlet. You have to keep a hospitable attitude and smile on your face when you have guests, which is likely all the time. When you enter the context of this forum or PAII, it's the opportunity to unload and vent, and that's ok (hence the Chat, Laugh, Vent, Cry category). But sometimes that venting takes the form of terse, visceral, or biting language. When you see it, please try to take a deep breath before responding, if you feel compelled to respond. Even wait a few hours or a day. This forum loses it's value as these kind of fights keep surfacing.

 

[EmptyNest]

Sometimes the best policy is to say nothing at all, when you see a fellow member of this forum using improper, foolish or emotion-laden words. Forums and other self-generated content on the internet give people enough rope to hang themselves. Again, sometimes the best policy is to say nothing and let folks hang themselves. If no one reacted to the off-color and improper posts, then they would die on the vine. But it seems that some on this forum can't help but breathe more life into posts that didn't seem to be as malicious or sharp as they are sometimes received. I think there was a post recently by someone who was singing the praises of her New Yorker guests and how they are the best, and even made a comment about how only high-class B&Bs were good enough for New York guests. My impression was that maybe on that particular day, she had some fantastic guests from New York, was feeling proud of her inn and wanted to share it with the group. Yes, there might have been a boastful tone...but the conversation got so out of hand, I wouldn't be surprised if new forum members saw that and said, "I'm outta here!" The best thing to do would have been for no one to comment. There was no value in that particular forum posting, so ignore it and move on. If someone just HAD to comment, maybe you could have talked about how great your Ohio guests are...or your Canadian guests...and created more of a friendly competitive thing...rather than immediately questioning or trashing New Yorkers. Saying something unkind about New Yorkers was the first response, and it set off a chain reaction of unnecessary posts.
I have the benefit of communicating with many innkeepers every day of the week. I was surprised to see how emotional many emails, phone calls, letters and forum postings I saw in the first few months of my job at PAII - much more than I had seen in other industries. But, I came to realize that innkeepers have a very, very tough job, and many times there is no immediate outlet. You have to keep a hospitable attitude and smile on your face when you have guests, which is likely all the time. When you enter the context of this forum or PAII, it's the opportunity to unload and vent, and that's ok (hence the Chat, Laugh, Vent, Cry category). But sometimes that venting takes the form of terse, visceral, or biting language. When you see it, please try to take a deep breath before responding, if you feel compelled to respond. Even wait a few hours or a day. This forum loses it's value as these kind of fights keep surfacing..

THANK YOU JAY!
I had already practiced what you said...I did not respond...but believe me I wrote something out...and then just did not save it
It made me feel better, but no one else could read it.

 

[hawley]

Sometimes the best policy is to say nothing at all, when you see a fellow member of this forum using improper, foolish or emotion-laden words. Forums and other self-generated content on the internet give people enough rope to hang themselves. Again, sometimes the best policy is to say nothing and let folks hang themselves. If no one reacted to the off-color and improper posts, then they would die on the vine. But it seems that some on this forum can't help but breathe more life into posts that didn't seem to be as malicious or sharp as they are sometimes received. I think there was a post recently by someone who was singing the praises of her New Yorker guests and how they are the best, and even made a comment about how only high-class B&Bs were good enough for New York guests. My impression was that maybe on that particular day, she had some fantastic guests from New York, was feeling proud of her inn and wanted to share it with the group. Yes, there might have been a boastful tone...but the conversation got so out of hand, I wouldn't be surprised if new forum members saw that and said, "I'm outta here!" The best thing to do would have been for no one to comment. There was no value in that particular forum posting, so ignore it and move on. If someone just HAD to comment, maybe you could have talked about how great your Ohio guests are...or your Canadian guests...and created more of a friendly competitive thing...rather than immediately questioning or trashing New Yorkers. Saying something unkind about New Yorkers was the first response, and it set off a chain reaction of unnecessary posts.
I have the benefit of communicating with many innkeepers every day of the week. I was surprised to see how emotional many emails, phone calls, letters and forum postings I saw in the first few months of my job at PAII - much more than I had seen in other industries. But, I came to realize that innkeepers have a very, very tough job, and many times there is no immediate outlet. You have to keep a hospitable attitude and smile on your face when you have guests, which is likely all the time. When you enter the context of this forum or PAII, it's the opportunity to unload and vent, and that's ok (hence the Chat, Laugh, Vent, Cry category). But sometimes that venting takes the form of terse, visceral, or biting language. When you see it, please try to take a deep breath before responding, if you feel compelled to respond. Even wait a few hours or a day. This forum loses it's value as these kind of fights keep surfacing..

I agree Jay. I usually don't respond to very many things. If someone says something to or about me, I usually don't respond.
I have been around for many years, one of the oldest around and know alot of the personalities, but it would be hard for a new person to come on and learn about all of us very fast.
Best to not respond to any of this stuff.
Best use of the forum is discussion of B&B related things. I learned many things when I first came here and was almost one of the longest aspirings. But really appreciate all the people who shared their experience.