My Turn

[gillumhouse]

Grandson #1 came in tonight on his way to Chicago for the holidays. I took him to the play at the high school - Sound of Music.
When we got home, Himself called me to come into his studio. He is back in the the wheelchair while his foot heals. I knew something was wrong from the sound of his voice. My brother's friend had called because he did not know who else to call. My brother's girlfriend had called him for the same reason - she did not know who else to call. Mike finally found me through the B & B - he remembered that.
My brother John died tonight. In all the calls flying back & forth, Mike finally got a call back from my brother John's ex who then called me frantically. She does not know what to do. John's (brother) kids do not know what to do. So I am it.
He was at his girlfriend's house when he had a heart attack and finally decided to call for an ambulance. She is in another State from where he lives. In the morning I am going to call the hospital to get info for cremation. Monday will go to the bank for cash and fly to NC where the girlfriend lives I do everything there. Then I will go to SC to his house and try to get things started there. Will be a bit busy for the next few days. Good thing my parents raised me to be a realist.
Update: the immediacy issue has been removed. The last place I talked to did not try to hustle me and had a better price also. They will get him from the hospital and keep him for me. Need to coordinate with his girlfriend as to when would be best for her as she is still working. That may also get me out of the Christmas airfare rates. It sounds like I can start at his house and get the insurance BEFORE I go for the final step. Arrangements are in the works just do not know the final when.

 

[victorianmarcia]

So sorry to hear of your loss. Please know that your friends here will have you in their thoughts and prayers.

 

[Jcam]

Sorry for your loss and hope things go smoothly and that the kids/girlfriend provide good support - often people just don't know where to start and panic.

 

[EmptyNest]

So sorry for your loss. I know you are strong and the take charge woman but allow yourself some time to grieve my friend. Thoughts and prayers to you and the family. This is not easy especially this time of year. Take care.

 

[GoodScout]

So sorry for your loss. Thinking hard about you today.

 

[Morticia]

So sorry about your brother.

 

[user 26]

I am very sorry for your loss.

 

[TheBeachHouse]

So very sorry. Support and prayers.

 

[Figurehead]

I'm so sorry about your loss and so encouraged by your strength and devotion to your brother's family and the needs they have now. I agree with emptynest that you also take time to grieve for your sorrow. May God surround you with His comfort and love as you walk through these next days.

 

[gillumhouse]

Thank you, All. Turns out he was an organ donor which gives me a little time. Have talked to the daughter and it was - THANK YOU, Aunt Kathleen - as I expected. I have kept his girlfriend in the loop because SHE cared and I am not about to treat her as anything other than a family member. I do not understand families that shut out the boyfriend/girlfriend who really cared.
Finding out costs right now so I can get the $$$$ together AND get the authorization papers to his daughter to sign. THEN I will go sort out all the rest - insurance, mortgage, stocks after I get him taken care of. In addition to notifying family, once I get into his files I have to notify the people he was doing stock for so they do not lose a lot of money with their trades. I did get one ray of hope today - his ex-wife said they did have wills drawn up while they were married - told her to FIND IT as if I cannot find another one (my expectation), any is better than none.
Christmas is a complication as well as John is back in the wheelchair. I will just have to have a friend bring in the mail while I am gone for the few days I anticipate. He is quite able to fend for himself for a short time as long as the cupboard is stocked. But everything will be taken care of in the proper time. Thank you for the support.

 

[Silverspoon]

Thank you, All. Turns out he was an organ donor which gives me a little time. Have talked to the daughter and it was - THANK YOU, Aunt Kathleen - as I expected. I have kept his girlfriend in the loop because SHE cared and I am not about to treat her as anything other than a family member. I do not understand families that shut out the boyfriend/girlfriend who really cared.
Finding out costs right now so I can get the $$$$ together AND get the authorization papers to his daughter to sign. THEN I will go sort out all the rest - insurance, mortgage, stocks after I get him taken care of. In addition to notifying family, once I get into his files I have to notify the people he was doing stock for so they do not lose a lot of money with their trades. I did get one ray of hope today - his ex-wife said they did have wills drawn up while they were married - told her to FIND IT as if I cannot find another one (my expectation), any is better than none.
Christmas is a complication as well as John is back in the wheelchair. I will just have to have a friend bring in the mail while I am gone for the few days I anticipate. He is quite able to fend for himself for a short time as long as the cupboard is stocked. But everything will be taken care of in the proper time. Thank you for the support..

Kathleen, so sorry for your loss. It's always difficult to lose a loved one but especially hurtful around the holidays. It sounds like you will be plenty busy to distract yourself for a while. Hopefully you can do your own grieving once the details are settled. Thinking of you.

 

[Camge]

So sorry for your loss.

 

[user 26]

I am so sorry ... there is much to sort out but there is a lot that can wait. If I can help in any way, long distance, please let me know.
I do not know your faith nor his, but had I to do it over again I would have postponed a memorial service for the spring instead of stressing and hurrying to get it done right away. In my family, it had been Catholic service which all took place within the week so I was following that model of wake and funeral right away. But in my own personal, eclectic view, I would have a simple gathering now and then honor him later on when people are able to recall what they'd like to say and do. Music and memories. Just a thought.
To be an organ donor, is a wonderful gift.

 

[Generic]

Our condolences. My mom's best friend just lost her hubby. Seems to be in the air.

 

[gillumhouse]

I am so sorry ... there is much to sort out but there is a lot that can wait. If I can help in any way, long distance, please let me know.
I do not know your faith nor his, but had I to do it over again I would have postponed a memorial service for the spring instead of stressing and hurrying to get it done right away. In my family, it had been Catholic service which all took place within the week so I was following that model of wake and funeral right away. But in my own personal, eclectic view, I would have a simple gathering now and then honor him later on when people are able to recall what they'd like to say and do. Music and memories. Just a thought.
To be an organ donor, is a wonderful gift..

No service going to happen. It would be a mockery to his pragmatic self. No family will be there - just his girlfriend and me. See me when I am living or fergitabudit. My sister just got new knee last week - she winters in Texas. Other brother is in Florida. His kids are in Vegas.
Both my twins actually KNEW him for who he was, not the prickly persona he hid behind. For that I am grateful. I am counting on him being organized - not like me (but the important stuff is all in one file drawer in my room).

 

[EmptyNest]

I am so sorry ... there is much to sort out but there is a lot that can wait. If I can help in any way, long distance, please let me know.
I do not know your faith nor his, but had I to do it over again I would have postponed a memorial service for the spring instead of stressing and hurrying to get it done right away. In my family, it had been Catholic service which all took place within the week so I was following that model of wake and funeral right away. But in my own personal, eclectic view, I would have a simple gathering now and then honor him later on when people are able to recall what they'd like to say and do. Music and memories. Just a thought.
To be an organ donor, is a wonderful gift..

No service going to happen. It would be a mockery to his pragmatic self. No family will be there - just his girlfriend and me. See me when I am living or fergitabudit. My sister just got new knee last week - she winters in Texas. Other brother is in Florida. His kids are in Vegas.
Both my twins actually KNEW him for who he was, not the prickly persona he hid behind. For that I am grateful. I am counting on him being organized - not like me (but the important stuff is all in one file drawer in my room).
.

Sounds like my husband. He wants nothing and I mean Nothing! If I am the one left to deal with it I guess I will have to honor his wishes but it will be very hard to do so. Cremate and scatter which again I don't know how I will be able to do it

 

[Samster]

Sincere condolences to you on the sudden loss of your brother.
I wish you strength in the coming days as you deal with all the inevitable details that are to come.

 

[Lee2014]

Hugs and prayers from my corner for you, DH, and all family members!

 

[Aspiring Martha]

Oh Kathleen, I am so sorry for the unexpected loss of John. Losing a loved one is never easy, but at Christmas time, I know it is especially complicated - both emotionally and logistically.
Please know you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers as you go through this difficult time.

 

[2cat_lady]

Big hugs from me. This never comes at a good time of year so I'll be thinking of you