Two very different people running a B & B....How have you sorted out your differences?

[Adie]

How have you couples out there come to compromises in deciding "who does what, and how" (in making and putting out the breakfasts for example? )
Diverse personalities see things in such different ways!
Different approaches aren't a bad thing, but it makes coming to CONCLUSIONS a challenge!

Any solutions on subjects where you haven't agreed? (For example...when one partner wants to approach something in an "economical" view point and one wants to get "fancy").
What challenges have you had, and how have you sorted out your differences/roles?

Adrienne Parlee
Ucluelet, BC
Eagleshore Inn

 

[JBloggs]

Duke it out and the one left standing wins. LOL
Typically one ends up being in charge of certain areas - example I am the innside innkeeper, SO is the outside innkeeper. Decisions are made jointly but some gravitate more to my realm.

 

[Proud Texan]

For starters, DW and I are best friends. This doesn't happen if there is constant bickering and snipping at each other, but through mutual respect. She has talents that I do not have and so in those areas, I defer to her. I have a certain skill set that's beyond hers, so she defers to me in those things.
DW is a girly girl and wanted charge of the kitchen. I can cook, so help her following her lead. Because it requires a lot of hard physical labor, I do all the exterior maintenance and design and also maintain the structures on the property. She helps me where she can.
The key to successful compromise is good communication. Good communication requires listening to the other's point of view and then discussing it if you disagree. If it really doesn't matter, then I'll let it her have her way. However, we keep each other in check so that we don't deviate from our set goals.

 

[wendydk]

We knew hubs would do the breakfast cooking, and that he would stay with his full time job probably forever. That made it pretty easy.
The hardest skills for us to master in the early months was reading our guests. I tended to get bogged down in paperwork, marketing and the website and thus would under-socialize with guests; he would talk their ears off until they were obviously trying to escape. After a comment card was returned our first summer expressing “We would have liked to spend more time with XXX (me)”, I realized I had to step it up. After hubs learned to read the signs (guests inching their way to their room while he’s still talking, for instance) he became adept at giving guests just the right amount of Innkeeper attention. Now, we both have it knocked, although when he gets home from working 8 or 9 hours, he really does not want to check people in or be sociable, although one he warms up, he's off and running.
I'm proud that one of our top five comments from guests is "Innkeepers were friendly and helfpul without being intrusive". I've stayed at the places with the keeper who was in your face all the time, talking away, and it bums me out. I go on vacation to get away from people!!

 

[Morticia]

The way we have sorted this out (and an example would be the just-purchased towels) is that the person who is either best at the job, more suited to the job or hates the job the least is the one who does it. In our case, hubs LIKES to cook, so he does the breakfast his way and I serve it. When he is not here, I do breakfast MY way. (And he's liked some of the things I've done so he's adopted them.) We did argue about breakfast for a long time. I wanted to do 'fancier' breakfasts, he did not. I wanted fancy serving pieces like tall crystal, his take was, 'If it doesn't fit in the dishwasher, it doesn't get used.' Because it's his kitchen, he gets to decide what gets made and what goes in the dishwasher. If you both want to cook, take turns. Alternate weeks or months.
In re the towels, I SO wanted the really plush towels but they did not dry well and they cost 2x what the other ones did so hubs convinced me to go with towels that work rather than towels that feel nice but don't work. And even tho I was going to pay for the difference out of my own money, the extra drying time they would take, etc would put the burden on him, not me, so I went with what he wanted.
He likes doing paperwork, I don't. I like doing the website, he doesn't. I like the gardening and the decorating, he doesn't. But he has a good eye for design so I run stuff by him when I can't make up my mind. And even tho it's his kitchen he doesn't like to plan so I make the meal plan with his wishes/abilities in mind.
As far as the conclusions are concerned...the person who has to deal most with the result of the decision should probably be the one who has the 51% vote on it.

 

[GeorgiaGirl]

For starters, DW and I are best friends. This doesn't happen if there is constant bickering and snipping at each other, but through mutual respect. She has talents that I do not have and so in those areas, I defer to her. I have a certain skill set that's beyond hers, so she defers to me in those things.
DW is a girly girl and wanted charge of the kitchen. I can cook, so help her following her lead. Because it requires a lot of hard physical labor, I do all the exterior maintenance and design and also maintain the structures on the property. She helps me where she can.
The key to successful compromise is good communication. Good communication requires listening to the other's point of view and then discussing it if you disagree. If it really doesn't matter, then I'll let it her have her way. However, we keep each other in check so that we don't deviate from our set goals..

For starters, DW and I are best friends. This doesn't happen if there is constant bickering and snipping at each other, but through mutual respect. She has talents that I do not have and so in those areas, I defer to her. I have a certain skill set that's beyond hers, so she defers to me in those things.
DW is a girly girl and wanted charge of the kitchen. I can cook, so help her following her lead. Because it requires a lot of hard physical labor, I do all the exterior maintenance and design and also maintain the structures on the property. She helps me where she can.
The key to successful compromise is good communication. Good communication requires listening to the other's point of view and then discussing it if you disagree. If it really doesn't matter, then I'll let it her have her way. However, we keep each other in check so that we don't deviate from our set goals.

What a good husband you sound like! Especially in the part where you say "then I'll let her have her way"!

 

[gillumhouse]

It is my business and I do everything except dishes and downstairs vac. However since 50% of the house belongs to him, I cannot (could not) do anything requiring $$$ without his approval. Unfortunately a certain someone did not "see the light" until AFTER Katrina sent building supply costs through the roof so everything cost 3x as much as it would have when I first wanted to do it. I won (finally) but had to pay for it!
Cooking, linens, all of that is whatever as long as he is not disturbed or discomfitted. I usually do whatever I have to do for a peaceful existence. I choose my battles and it has to be important to me to make the battle worth it. So we have worked things out nicely - until he comes in my kitchen to fix HIS breakfast while I am in the middle of trying to fix a guest breakfast...

 

[EmptyNest]

when I taught aspiring workshops, I had a worksheet where the spouses/ partners went through it and decided who would do what. That was an eye opener to some folks because sometimes they found out...one person was the only one who wanted to do the work OUCH!!! That won't work. So again, having your eyes wide open BEFORE you purchase a B& B is so important. You cannot do it alone and unless you can afford to pay for help...someone..either your spouse/partner or family members are going to have to do their fare share. If not...you had better reconsider running an inn.
Like Joe said....we shared our duties knowing which was our strong suit. Me..inside....him..outside. I cleaned rooms while he did laundry. One morning I did breakfast, the next he did breakfast. He ALWAYS did the dishes...gotta love it!!! And...still does

 

[Morticia]

when I taught aspiring workshops, I had a worksheet where the spouses/ partners went through it and decided who would do what. That was an eye opener to some folks because sometimes they found out...one person was the only one who wanted to do the work OUCH!!! That won't work. So again, having your eyes wide open BEFORE you purchase a B& B is so important. You cannot do it alone and unless you can afford to pay for help...someone..either your spouse/partner or family members are going to have to do their fare share. If not...you had better reconsider running an inn.
Like Joe said....we shared our duties knowing which was our strong suit. Me..inside....him..outside. I cleaned rooms while he did laundry. One morning I did breakfast, the next he did breakfast. He ALWAYS did the dishes...gotta love it!!! And...still does

.

That's a good point. When I took my business operation class we had to hand in a list of all the jobs that the biz would require and who would do them and how long would they take. Just writing up the list was an eye-opener! Who knew that the bookstore OWNER would be scrubbing the toilets before leaving every day!

 

[Samster]

I keep a heavy cast iron frying pan at the ready.

 

[YellowSocks]

We're a lot like Bree, except I'm bossy a control freak enthusiast who tends to runs things and dh is very laid back and works full-time outside the house.
He does mowing, etc., so gets to decide whether to hire a guy or do it himself and all that. But he just does grass (and sometimes trees)... I do the beds, including planting annuals and weeding, and building landscape walls. Dh can't cook at all, so I'm in charge of breakfast, but I don't drink coffee, so he's in charge of procuring, roasting, grinding, and perking the coffee. On a crunch day he helps set the table, puts out drinks, picks chives, whatever else I tell him to do. It's all good until he starts honing in on my projects (like I am emptying the dishwasher or making a bed and he starts doing it, too.) He cleans the common areas, I clean the kitchen.
I often clean guest rooms alone, but he helps when he can. If we are working together, dh generally does the bathroom (he does a better job and is more particular about germs) and I do the bedroom (I know how I want the bed and room to look), then he vacuums. But afterward we cross check for things we've missed or not done well enough.... that is I double check his work and he checks mine as we each miss different things and have different perspectives.
Like Bree said, which of us is better suited/more able, and which of us hates the job the least?
=)
Kk.

 

[Adie]

Hi,
and thanks for the great input, and encouragement and the welcome...
I did post a comment and also said how nice it was to hear from you all..
but it didn't post so I don't know where it went ! I'm too pooped after a busy week to write much now, but it was a satisfying and interesting week having people from all over the world....this week Poland, Singapore, southern states, etc., etc. We have a great way of life eh?
Adrienne

 

[The Farmers Daughter]

2 different people?
Ha! Try 4.
Toss in a few big egos and opinions (not to mention the voices in my head)
Sometimes it gets so convoluted, it bubbles over into bloodsport.
(the voices....the voices!!!!)