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when guests hurt your feelings

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seashanty

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how do you deal?
snarky comments said loud enough for me to hear ... made me feel sour toward some of our weekenders. nice as pie, sugar and spice i am outside, but inside i feel bad. it felt deliberate, spoken to one another in my presence.
my son says i have to not take it personally, but when you put so much of yourself into a place, it IS personal.
" like a willow, i can bend ......... "
~m*
 

muirford

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As the bumper sticker says, 'mean people suck'. What I do is snark about them to DH and think about all the awful things I could do to their breakfast if I wanted to. Sometimes - if it's early enough in the process - I tell them we don't have any suitable accommodations for them. A couple of times, I have offered to find them another place to stay. Get them gone and get them forgotten as quickly as possible.
Replace them with the memories of the people who have been thrilled to stay with you (the other 99.9% of your guests, I'll bet!).
 

Morticia

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With us it really depends on what they said and how they have behaved otherwise. Are they annoying in other ways? Then they're just 'those people'. If they are not, and everything seems to have been going along fine, then we feel like you do, hurt.
A lot rolls off this old duck's back these days. And what doesn't I complain about here. (And everyone tells me I'm wonderful and don't take 'those people' seriously and I go on with my life.)
One of the most important things I learned early on was that I cannot please everyone. I do the best I can and that's all I can do. Unless they keep it up and you want to confront them, I'd say to try to let it go as 'ill mannered dolt' syndrome.
But, you're right, we put so much into this and to have guests snarking is hurtful. It's my house, my decor, my menu planning, my cleaning, my personality. BUT, not everyone likes all of that stuff about 'me'. Those who do come back; those who don't move on.
So, you're a terrific kid, M, knock 'em dead! (Not literally!
)
 

Samster

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Some people are oblivious to how they can say something that can be really hurtful.
They don't know how one comment can really cut you to the quick.
The other thing about this business is that we do such a good job of making everything really nice WITHOUT the guests seeing how hard we work. Sometimes that works to our disadvantage because they're thinking that we're either drinking sweet tea on the porch all the time or sitting around in Adirondack chairs on the lawn enjoying the day.
Yeah, right!
I know you're hurt by this unthinking guest, but call up some memories of folks that loved their stay and your place. That will make you feel a little better :)
 

gillumhouse

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I would be tempted (depending on the snark) to give a flip comeback - assuming I could think of one less than 10 hours later....
 

Morticia

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Some people are oblivious to how they can say something that can be really hurtful.
They don't know how one comment can really cut you to the quick.
The other thing about this business is that we do such a good job of making everything really nice WITHOUT the guests seeing how hard we work. Sometimes that works to our disadvantage because they're thinking that we're either drinking sweet tea on the porch all the time or sitting around in Adirondack chairs on the lawn enjoying the day.
Yeah, right!
I know you're hurt by this unthinking guest, but call up some memories of folks that loved their stay and your place. That will make you feel a little better :).
Samster said:
The other thing about this business is that we do such a good job of making everything really nice WITHOUT the guests seeing how hard we work. Sometimes that works to our disadvantage because they're thinking that we're either drinking sweet tea on the porch all the time or sitting around in Adirondack chairs on the lawn enjoying the day.
Yeah, right!
Wait, you're not sitting on the porch drinking sweet tea? I was out in my Adirondack chair just enjoying this beautiful summer day. And it IS beautiful!
 

Samster

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Some people are oblivious to how they can say something that can be really hurtful.
They don't know how one comment can really cut you to the quick.
The other thing about this business is that we do such a good job of making everything really nice WITHOUT the guests seeing how hard we work. Sometimes that works to our disadvantage because they're thinking that we're either drinking sweet tea on the porch all the time or sitting around in Adirondack chairs on the lawn enjoying the day.
Yeah, right!
I know you're hurt by this unthinking guest, but call up some memories of folks that loved their stay and your place. That will make you feel a little better :).
Samster said:
The other thing about this business is that we do such a good job of making everything really nice WITHOUT the guests seeing how hard we work. Sometimes that works to our disadvantage because they're thinking that we're either drinking sweet tea on the porch all the time or sitting around in Adirondack chairs on the lawn enjoying the day.
Yeah, right!
Wait, you're not sitting on the porch drinking sweet tea? I was out in my Adirondack chair just enjoying this beautiful summer day. And it IS beautiful!
.
Well, considering how I was doing a gazillion things...no, didn't sit & drink a drop of iced tea today. Plus, it was hideously hot & humid. BUT I did buzz downtown to our market days & then stopped for a coffee in the coffee shop. I took a whole hour to myself

 

mooseberry

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Depending on what was said, maybe a sarcastic remark...but, since I waitressed for many many years, I learned to just keep on smiling and be extra nice...that really hurts them.
Enjoying time....we had finally too a nice day, went to an adult birthday at 4 pm, had a few drinks, went out to dinner with them just got home at 9 pm...5 hours of relaxing.....
 

EmptyNest

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I know..it is so hard to take ....personally..but don't let it get to you. You are a good person. You love and approve of yourself!!!!! Keep repeating positive affirmations. These guests will be gone soon. Concentrate on all the 99.9% who love you and what you do
 

winewitch

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First of all, they are a guest in your home, and should have respect for you and yours. I would have confronted them, and yes, in front of who ever was there and offered to put them up elsewhere and thank you very much!
Just because we are in the hospitality biz does not mean we are "less than" our guests and should put up with any abuse. I would have thrown them out! HA! You don't need that kind of business,
Be a host, not a servant. You have given them the priviledge of staying with you. You have graciously opened your home to them and the least they can do is give you the courtesy of a little respect!
Read Biz Sugar's article on firing customers, sometimes you need to!
We put up with too much and work too hard to put up with that kinda crap, sista'!
 

gillumhouse

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First of all, they are a guest in your home, and should have respect for you and yours. I would have confronted them, and yes, in front of who ever was there and offered to put them up elsewhere and thank you very much!
Just because we are in the hospitality biz does not mean we are "less than" our guests and should put up with any abuse. I would have thrown them out! HA! You don't need that kind of business,
Be a host, not a servant. You have given them the priviledge of staying with you. You have graciously opened your home to them and the least they can do is give you the courtesy of a little respect!
Read Biz Sugar's article on firing customers, sometimes you need to!
We put up with too much and work too hard to put up with that kinda crap, sista'!.
AMEN!!
 

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