Diagnosing a PITA

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Pollyanna

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We've only had a few PITAs, but when we do have one, we comfort ourselves by making a preliminary diagnosis just so we can figure out WHY people act the way they act. Last night, we had a definite Narcissistic Personality Disorder. You know, the kind that sing "I am the world..." to themselves while arranging players on their stage of life. And God help anyone who doesn't say the right lines or who dares to get out of their assigned character! So, there was a tragic accident that made national news which blocked traffic out of the city on the way up here on Saturday. Several young people lost their lives. Apparently quite inconvenient for this couple who were coming for the night. Their freeway drive took 3 hours instead of the usual 2 and he was furious! They called and the Mrs was explaining why they'd be late and he grabbed the phone and started screaming at me that he was about to have a heart attack from the stress! While talking with them, I checked the internet report and saw that the accident was cleared now and they were about 45 minutes from my place. I explained that they would be here right on time for check-in and I'd have some lemonade for them and their room was air-conditioned and they'd soon be feeling fine. He yelled "I don't even want to come now! But I suppose we HAVE TO come! Thank you for your understanding!" and hung up on me. An hour later, the wife called again to say they had decided to go into town first and would check in after dinner.
Just to make them feel better, I put our special area coupon packet and a box of locally made candy in their room with a sweet note wishing them a better time now that they were on vacation. When they arrived, he was visibly still seething, made a nasty comment about my dogs, (prominently featured on my web page) refused to set a breakfast time (they'd let me know in the morning) and sneered at their beautiful room and the candy box. The Mrs. was cowering and fearful and the guy brought a horrible angry spirit in to the place. I put my dogs in the family quarters for the rest of the night, obsequiously made sure they had every little thing they could possibly want (with him glaring, and her cowering) and we whispered and tiptoed through the rest of the evening. Fortunately the rest of the guests were out or all tucked into their rooms. But we had a few grown kids home for Father's Day and they witnessed the whole disturbance. We are a completely non-smoking facility but he went out and had a cigarette on our porch which we chose to ignore. Then my husband got home and tried cheerfully greeting him and the guy was nasty and would not offer his hand in return for a handshake. My husband walked away to keep from getting into an altercation, he was so upset at the guy's demeanor. At that point, I'd had it. The next time I saw him getting more goodies from our buffet, I stopped him and said "Look, this is a beautiful place, usually filled with happy people, and we like our guests to be happy. You're obviously not happy here and I'd like to help you out." (literally!) He yelled "Well, you forced us to come here!" (huh?) So I said, "Let's just discard your credit card charge and you folks go find someplace you'd like better." He stomped up the stairs and the wife murmered that they were already here, so... I was deeply disappointed that they did not take me up on it. It was only about 8 PM and it was a long, disturbed evening with that guy in residence.
Next morning, after I had served breakfast to everyone else and seen them off, thank God, the abusive lout came downstairs with all their belongings in tow. I offered breakfast, he ignored me and walked to the car and left the wife to explain they're leaving and don't want breakfast. I helped her re-pack her cooler with all the stuff they crammed into my fridg. She did not apologize, thank us for the extras or anything. I was SO tempted to say "Honey, this guy will never, ever be satisfied with anything. Everything is about him and he cannot fathom others' needs or feelings. It's called NPD. Get out now while you're young!" but I just cheerfully responded to her requests. I locked the door behind them, shut our electric driveway gate soon as their car left, just to reestablish a sense of safety, and went to tell the rest of the family and the poor dogs, it was safe to come out now. We were able to celebrate Father's Day with no guests until tomorrow.
Really, it was very disturbing. Our other guests were delightful and never came into contact with Mr. Rage-a-holic, so I guess we just have to recover and continue to put ourselves out there for the general public, nutcakes and all. I'm not really amused by anything about this yet. I feel like I need to see a therapist to de-tox. But I can't afford one, so here you are, for free. Thanks for letting me vent. I feel a little better.
 

gillumhouse

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You poor thing. To have to endure a lout like that! Thank goodness they are few and far between. Perhaps he will be lucky enough to land on Gilligan's Island all alone with no boat. Then he might enjoy himself with himself - but then there would be no one to browbeat. Oh dear, there goes another theory of how to make him happy.
 

Pollyanna

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You poor thing. To have to endure a lout like that! Thank goodness they are few and far between. Perhaps he will be lucky enough to land on Gilligan's Island all alone with no boat. Then he might enjoy himself with himself - but then there would be no one to browbeat. Oh dear, there goes another theory of how to make him happy..
Made me giggle.. yeah, I'm on the way to recovery!
 

swirt

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Ooof Sorry. Grumpy guests can be a downer. They really should stay home.
 

Joey Camb

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Thats awful we had one like that at the Yorkshire. He had booked a really cheap room (4 star hotel but $100 room) so is is not going to be a nice room. He asked on check in if it was a nice room and we said words to the effect of it is a mid range room. He said oh Im here with my fiance and she has been abroad so it would be nice to have a nice room (well you should have said when you booked and paid more!) said I am sorry we are full tonight and we can't move you as people have paid a premium to have nice rooms. He checked in and they stayed the night the fiance seemed nice enough the next morning he made a complete scene and said He had rung the hotel next door (5 star and really nice) and they had got him in then he marched round there and grabbed their receptionist and made her carry his bags all the time shouting and making a scene the fiance looked like she was going to cry. After they left we discovered in all the chaos she had left some clothes in the room so as we knew they were up the road we rang to say. He refused to believe they were hers and accused the housekeeping staff of being lax and they must have been the previous people. The poor woman was saying actually they were hers she was missing a few things then he started shouting at her full belt as well. They sent the poor receptionist round for the things. I felt sorry for the girl to be embarised like that. If DH treated me like that I would divorce him!!!!
 

JBloggs

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Could it possible be the same couple who was here, are they from Michigan? (that is all I am saying).
Can you imagine being a couple that is asked to leave everywhere you stay just due to your miserableness? What kind of life is that.
There are plenty of awful people in this world, it is not you, your place, what you have given them, they will be awful and miserable every place they go. In fact, maybe they were less miserable with you than with the last place...this was them "HAVING FUN!"

Hugs to your mental state today, I know how it is, I am still getting over the horrendous couple we had here. As your avatar portrays, play the glad game. :)
 

egoodell

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People like that should not be allowed out in public! Kudos to you for trying to tell him to leave.
RIki
 

JBloggs

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We have mentioned PITA radar before on this forum, it is when the hairs on the back of your neck tingle before they even arrive. Then the moment they are there you feel like you are being blamed and you are doing something terrible to them.
When ever you feel this way, it is not time to bend over backwards it is time to either
a) let them stew; simply ignore them
b) ask them to go so the peace is restored to your beautiful home and B&B. So the air the other guests and you yourselves breath is no longer toxic.
 

EmptyNest

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Some people just don't get it! Definitely on the fast track to a heart attack or stroke. If he had behaved that way with me, I would have "kicked him out the door" no options.
 

seashanty

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these are terrrible stories. how awful for the innkeepers ! and how truly nightmarish for the women and other people linked to these men. couple number one ... she needs to leave him. can you imagine what happened in that car after she left? couple number two ... she needs to break off the engagement (yesterday).
 

Morticia

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Hate to say it, but I will...you enabled him by the tiptoeing and the extra goodies and ignoring his trespassing (smoking). He cowed all of you not just his wife. She will never leave him because she doesn't see anyone stand up to him. You tried but you backed down. Like catlady said- no ifs, ands or buts- 'Get your things and leave or we call the police to remove you.'
 

JBloggs

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I will always remember the wife who walked in line behind her husband and the marks on her face the next morning at breakfast. It still eats me up, she was so pleasant on the phone and in person she ne'er said one word. I even remember the name of the town they lived in in SC.
I did ask her about it privately and she said she slipped while hiking. They were an older couple too, and my heart went out to her. We are a mere blink of the eye with our guests, we can only do so much. and yet...I recall her face very clearly.
 

Innkeeper To Go

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I will always remember the wife who walked in line behind her husband and the marks on her face the next morning at breakfast. It still eats me up, she was so pleasant on the phone and in person she ne'er said one word. I even remember the name of the town they lived in in SC.
I did ask her about it privately and she said she slipped while hiking. They were an older couple too, and my heart went out to her. We are a mere blink of the eye with our guests, we can only do so much. and yet...I recall her face very clearly..
Joey Bloggs said:
I did ask her about it privately and she said she slipped while hiking. They were an older couple too, and my heart went out to her. We are a mere blink of the eye with our guests, we can only do so much. and yet...I recall her face very clearly.
Those are the guest interactions that can be haunting.
Good for you for finding a way to speak with her privately. That moment of effort at intervention may stay with her and remind her that people out there want to help her. That's really the best any of us can hope for; that your face and your words stay with her every bit as much as her face is staying with you.
I worked with battered women for many years. She will leave him when she is ready and able. Every single effort at intervention in the meanwhile is well worthwhile.
 

Pollyanna

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Hate to say it, but I will...you enabled him by the tiptoeing and the extra goodies and ignoring his trespassing (smoking). He cowed all of you not just his wife. She will never leave him because she doesn't see anyone stand up to him. You tried but you backed down. Like catlady said- no ifs, ands or buts- 'Get your things and leave or we call the police to remove you.'.
You are correct in your assessment, Morticia. We're in AZ which has new laws allowing concealed carry weapons even without the training and permit. Since moving here from CA, we've discovered guns are very pervasive here, and these folks were AZ residents. The man had such a pent-up fury about him, that, frankly, I was afraid and intimidated. When you have someone whose behavior is unpredictable, it may be more prudent to do nothing provocative. My grown kids, one of whom is a clinical counselor, concurred. My husband was too flabberghasted to have an opinion! We also live out in the country with only two sherrifs covering a huge area and have been told they could not come, even with an intruder at the door! (Hence, everyone carries their own protection.)
In hindsight, I wish I had assessed their condition at arrival, on the front porch, with the door locked behind me, and sent them on their way right there. But of course, I was expecting them to be normal and somewhat recovered from stress after an afteroon in town and out to dinner. Who wouldn't be, except for perhaps a sociopath? I do think this incident was quite instructive for me, to tune in more carefully to the clues. There was a guy a few months ago who yelled then hung up me when they could not book a last minute massage and I called back and told them not to come and to never try to book a room here again. I guess I gave this guy too much mercy due to the traffic problems.
But yes, Morticia, as usual, what you have to say is spot on and may we all learn. Thank you for speaking up.
 

Innkeeper To Go

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Hate to say it, but I will...you enabled him by the tiptoeing and the extra goodies and ignoring his trespassing (smoking). He cowed all of you not just his wife. She will never leave him because she doesn't see anyone stand up to him. You tried but you backed down. Like catlady said- no ifs, ands or buts- 'Get your things and leave or we call the police to remove you.'.
You are correct in your assessment, Morticia. We're in AZ which has new laws allowing concealed carry weapons even without the training and permit. Since moving here from CA, we've discovered guns are very pervasive here, and these folks were AZ residents. The man had such a pent-up fury about him, that, frankly, I was afraid and intimidated. When you have someone whose behavior is unpredictable, it may be more prudent to do nothing provocative. My grown kids, one of whom is a clinical counselor, concurred. My husband was too flabberghasted to have an opinion! We also live out in the country with only two sherrifs covering a huge area and have been told they could not come, even with an intruder at the door! (Hence, everyone carries their own protection.)
In hindsight, I wish I had assessed their condition at arrival, on the front porch, with the door locked behind me, and sent them on their way right there. But of course, I was expecting them to be normal and somewhat recovered from stress after an afteroon in town and out to dinner. Who wouldn't be, except for perhaps a sociopath? I do think this incident was quite instructive for me, to tune in more carefully to the clues. There was a guy a few months ago who yelled then hung up me when they could not book a last minute massage and I called back and told them not to come and to never try to book a room here again. I guess I gave this guy too much mercy due to the traffic problems.
But yes, Morticia, as usual, what you have to say is spot on and may we all learn. Thank you for speaking up.
.
Pollyanna said:
Since moving here from CA, we've discovered guns are very pervasive here, and these folks were AZ residents. The man had such a pent-up fury about him, that, frankly, I was afraid and intimidated. When you have someone whose behavior is unpredictable, it may be more prudent to do nothing provocative.
Were there other guests?
Sorry but when you are afraid and intimidated, that's when you excuse yourself and call the sheriff to have them escorted away.
You have a responsibility to other guests. If you are afraid of someone, don't let them onto your property. And if they're already there, quietly get yourself away from the guest and call the sheriff.
 

Pollyanna

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Hate to say it, but I will...you enabled him by the tiptoeing and the extra goodies and ignoring his trespassing (smoking). He cowed all of you not just his wife. She will never leave him because she doesn't see anyone stand up to him. You tried but you backed down. Like catlady said- no ifs, ands or buts- 'Get your things and leave or we call the police to remove you.'.
You are correct in your assessment, Morticia. We're in AZ which has new laws allowing concealed carry weapons even without the training and permit. Since moving here from CA, we've discovered guns are very pervasive here, and these folks were AZ residents. The man had such a pent-up fury about him, that, frankly, I was afraid and intimidated. When you have someone whose behavior is unpredictable, it may be more prudent to do nothing provocative. My grown kids, one of whom is a clinical counselor, concurred. My husband was too flabberghasted to have an opinion! We also live out in the country with only two sherrifs covering a huge area and have been told they could not come, even with an intruder at the door! (Hence, everyone carries their own protection.)
In hindsight, I wish I had assessed their condition at arrival, on the front porch, with the door locked behind me, and sent them on their way right there. But of course, I was expecting them to be normal and somewhat recovered from stress after an afteroon in town and out to dinner. Who wouldn't be, except for perhaps a sociopath? I do think this incident was quite instructive for me, to tune in more carefully to the clues. There was a guy a few months ago who yelled then hung up me when they could not book a last minute massage and I called back and told them not to come and to never try to book a room here again. I guess I gave this guy too much mercy due to the traffic problems.
But yes, Morticia, as usual, what you have to say is spot on and may we all learn. Thank you for speaking up.
.
Pollyanna said:
Since moving here from CA, we've discovered guns are very pervasive here, and these folks were AZ residents. The man had such a pent-up fury about him, that, frankly, I was afraid and intimidated. When you have someone whose behavior is unpredictable, it may be more prudent to do nothing provocative.
Were there other guests?
Sorry but when you are afraid and intimidated, that's when you excuse yourself and call the sheriff to have them escorted away.
You have a responsibility to other guests. If you are afraid of someone, don't let them onto your property. And if they're already there, quietly get yourself away from the guest and call the sheriff.
.
It would be impossible to share everything about the entire situation, but considering all factors, I think the end result bore out that we made the right moves. Certainly had he been overtly threatening, we would have called for intervention. My original point of course, was that dealing with the personality - disordered (especially borderline or narcissistic) can be extremely taxing! And should be avoided, if it can be helped.
 

The Farmers Daughter

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Although I feel badly for you and the negativity he brought to your establishment, I feel worse for his wife. She is probably too intimidated and tortured to leave the SOB.
 

Morticia

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Hate to say it, but I will...you enabled him by the tiptoeing and the extra goodies and ignoring his trespassing (smoking). He cowed all of you not just his wife. She will never leave him because she doesn't see anyone stand up to him. You tried but you backed down. Like catlady said- no ifs, ands or buts- 'Get your things and leave or we call the police to remove you.'.
You are correct in your assessment, Morticia. We're in AZ which has new laws allowing concealed carry weapons even without the training and permit. Since moving here from CA, we've discovered guns are very pervasive here, and these folks were AZ residents. The man had such a pent-up fury about him, that, frankly, I was afraid and intimidated. When you have someone whose behavior is unpredictable, it may be more prudent to do nothing provocative. My grown kids, one of whom is a clinical counselor, concurred. My husband was too flabberghasted to have an opinion! We also live out in the country with only two sherrifs covering a huge area and have been told they could not come, even with an intruder at the door! (Hence, everyone carries their own protection.)
In hindsight, I wish I had assessed their condition at arrival, on the front porch, with the door locked behind me, and sent them on their way right there. But of course, I was expecting them to be normal and somewhat recovered from stress after an afteroon in town and out to dinner. Who wouldn't be, except for perhaps a sociopath? I do think this incident was quite instructive for me, to tune in more carefully to the clues. There was a guy a few months ago who yelled then hung up me when they could not book a last minute massage and I called back and told them not to come and to never try to book a room here again. I guess I gave this guy too much mercy due to the traffic problems.
But yes, Morticia, as usual, what you have to say is spot on and may we all learn. Thank you for speaking up.
.
Pollyanna said:
Since moving here from CA, we've discovered guns are very pervasive here, and these folks were AZ residents. The man had such a pent-up fury about him, that, frankly, I was afraid and intimidated. When you have someone whose behavior is unpredictable, it may be more prudent to do nothing provocative.
Were there other guests?
Sorry but when you are afraid and intimidated, that's when you excuse yourself and call the sheriff to have them escorted away.
You have a responsibility to other guests. If you are afraid of someone, don't let them onto your property. And if they're already there, quietly get yourself away from the guest and call the sheriff.
.
It would be impossible to share everything about the entire situation, but considering all factors, I think the end result bore out that we made the right moves. Certainly had he been overtly threatening, we would have called for intervention. My original point of course, was that dealing with the personality - disordered (especially borderline or narcissistic) can be extremely taxing! And should be avoided, if it can be helped.
.
Totally agree with avoiding these types when possible. Some of the smoothest talkers, tho, are the worst snakes when it comes right down to it. Obviously your guy was not a smooth talker! And there is no way to know if you had turned them away on the road if he wouldn't have shown up anyway.
It never occurs to me to assume a guest will be armed. Kind of hope I can continue to be that naive.
Edited to add- I guess I wouldn't go thru the diagnosis on someone like this, someone I would never want to come back again. We'd both heave a sigh of relief, talk about it with friends over drinks and be done with it. I don't really care what kind of personality type someone is. They are, to us, one of 2 types: Nice people and not nice people. There's a certain shade of 'people we put up with' as well. But they are few and far between.
I don't take these people as 'challenges'. They can go elsewhere and be someone else's 'project'.
 

Innkeeper To Go

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Hate to say it, but I will...you enabled him by the tiptoeing and the extra goodies and ignoring his trespassing (smoking). He cowed all of you not just his wife. She will never leave him because she doesn't see anyone stand up to him. You tried but you backed down. Like catlady said- no ifs, ands or buts- 'Get your things and leave or we call the police to remove you.'.
You are correct in your assessment, Morticia. We're in AZ which has new laws allowing concealed carry weapons even without the training and permit. Since moving here from CA, we've discovered guns are very pervasive here, and these folks were AZ residents. The man had such a pent-up fury about him, that, frankly, I was afraid and intimidated. When you have someone whose behavior is unpredictable, it may be more prudent to do nothing provocative. My grown kids, one of whom is a clinical counselor, concurred. My husband was too flabberghasted to have an opinion! We also live out in the country with only two sherrifs covering a huge area and have been told they could not come, even with an intruder at the door! (Hence, everyone carries their own protection.)
In hindsight, I wish I had assessed their condition at arrival, on the front porch, with the door locked behind me, and sent them on their way right there. But of course, I was expecting them to be normal and somewhat recovered from stress after an afteroon in town and out to dinner. Who wouldn't be, except for perhaps a sociopath? I do think this incident was quite instructive for me, to tune in more carefully to the clues. There was a guy a few months ago who yelled then hung up me when they could not book a last minute massage and I called back and told them not to come and to never try to book a room here again. I guess I gave this guy too much mercy due to the traffic problems.
But yes, Morticia, as usual, what you have to say is spot on and may we all learn. Thank you for speaking up.
.
Pollyanna said:
Since moving here from CA, we've discovered guns are very pervasive here, and these folks were AZ residents. The man had such a pent-up fury about him, that, frankly, I was afraid and intimidated. When you have someone whose behavior is unpredictable, it may be more prudent to do nothing provocative.
Were there other guests?
Sorry but when you are afraid and intimidated, that's when you excuse yourself and call the sheriff to have them escorted away.
You have a responsibility to other guests. If you are afraid of someone, don't let them onto your property. And if they're already there, quietly get yourself away from the guest and call the sheriff.
.
It would be impossible to share everything about the entire situation, but considering all factors, I think the end result bore out that we made the right moves. Certainly had he been overtly threatening, we would have called for intervention. My original point of course, was that dealing with the personality - disordered (especially borderline or narcissistic) can be extremely taxing! And should be avoided, if it can be helped.
.
Totally agree with avoiding these types when possible. Some of the smoothest talkers, tho, are the worst snakes when it comes right down to it. Obviously your guy was not a smooth talker! And there is no way to know if you had turned them away on the road if he wouldn't have shown up anyway.
It never occurs to me to assume a guest will be armed. Kind of hope I can continue to be that naive.
Edited to add- I guess I wouldn't go thru the diagnosis on someone like this, someone I would never want to come back again. We'd both heave a sigh of relief, talk about it with friends over drinks and be done with it. I don't really care what kind of personality type someone is. They are, to us, one of 2 types: Nice people and not nice people. There's a certain shade of 'people we put up with' as well. But they are few and far between.
I don't take these people as 'challenges'. They can go elsewhere and be someone else's 'project'.
.
Morticia said:
I guess I wouldn't go thru the diagnosis on someone like this, someone I would never want to come back again. We'd both heave a sigh of relief, talk about it with friends over drinks and be done with it. I don't really care what kind of personality type someone is. They are, to us, one of 2 types: Nice people and not nice people. There's a certain shade of 'people we put up with' as well. But they are few and far between.
I don't take these people as 'challenges'. They can go elsewhere and be someone else's 'project'.
My feelings exactly. I'm not here to diagnose guests and don't want my family members diagnosing them either.
If they're not suitable, next.
But if an innkeeper really and truly thinks any guest might be dangerous, then shame on her for exposing other guests to any risk of harm. Not okay.
IMHO.
 

Morticia

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Hate to say it, but I will...you enabled him by the tiptoeing and the extra goodies and ignoring his trespassing (smoking). He cowed all of you not just his wife. She will never leave him because she doesn't see anyone stand up to him. You tried but you backed down. Like catlady said- no ifs, ands or buts- 'Get your things and leave or we call the police to remove you.'.
You are correct in your assessment, Morticia. We're in AZ which has new laws allowing concealed carry weapons even without the training and permit. Since moving here from CA, we've discovered guns are very pervasive here, and these folks were AZ residents. The man had such a pent-up fury about him, that, frankly, I was afraid and intimidated. When you have someone whose behavior is unpredictable, it may be more prudent to do nothing provocative. My grown kids, one of whom is a clinical counselor, concurred. My husband was too flabberghasted to have an opinion! We also live out in the country with only two sherrifs covering a huge area and have been told they could not come, even with an intruder at the door! (Hence, everyone carries their own protection.)
In hindsight, I wish I had assessed their condition at arrival, on the front porch, with the door locked behind me, and sent them on their way right there. But of course, I was expecting them to be normal and somewhat recovered from stress after an afteroon in town and out to dinner. Who wouldn't be, except for perhaps a sociopath? I do think this incident was quite instructive for me, to tune in more carefully to the clues. There was a guy a few months ago who yelled then hung up me when they could not book a last minute massage and I called back and told them not to come and to never try to book a room here again. I guess I gave this guy too much mercy due to the traffic problems.
But yes, Morticia, as usual, what you have to say is spot on and may we all learn. Thank you for speaking up.
.
Pollyanna said:
Since moving here from CA, we've discovered guns are very pervasive here, and these folks were AZ residents. The man had such a pent-up fury about him, that, frankly, I was afraid and intimidated. When you have someone whose behavior is unpredictable, it may be more prudent to do nothing provocative.
Were there other guests?
Sorry but when you are afraid and intimidated, that's when you excuse yourself and call the sheriff to have them escorted away.
You have a responsibility to other guests. If you are afraid of someone, don't let them onto your property. And if they're already there, quietly get yourself away from the guest and call the sheriff.
.
It would be impossible to share everything about the entire situation, but considering all factors, I think the end result bore out that we made the right moves. Certainly had he been overtly threatening, we would have called for intervention. My original point of course, was that dealing with the personality - disordered (especially borderline or narcissistic) can be extremely taxing! And should be avoided, if it can be helped.
.
Totally agree with avoiding these types when possible. Some of the smoothest talkers, tho, are the worst snakes when it comes right down to it. Obviously your guy was not a smooth talker! And there is no way to know if you had turned them away on the road if he wouldn't have shown up anyway.
It never occurs to me to assume a guest will be armed. Kind of hope I can continue to be that naive.
Edited to add- I guess I wouldn't go thru the diagnosis on someone like this, someone I would never want to come back again. We'd both heave a sigh of relief, talk about it with friends over drinks and be done with it. I don't really care what kind of personality type someone is. They are, to us, one of 2 types: Nice people and not nice people. There's a certain shade of 'people we put up with' as well. But they are few and far between.
I don't take these people as 'challenges'. They can go elsewhere and be someone else's 'project'.
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Morticia said:
I guess I wouldn't go thru the diagnosis on someone like this, someone I would never want to come back again. We'd both heave a sigh of relief, talk about it with friends over drinks and be done with it. I don't really care what kind of personality type someone is. They are, to us, one of 2 types: Nice people and not nice people. There's a certain shade of 'people we put up with' as well. But they are few and far between.
I don't take these people as 'challenges'. They can go elsewhere and be someone else's 'project'.
My feelings exactly. I'm not here to diagnose guests and don't want my family members diagnosing them either.
If they're not suitable, next.
But if an innkeeper really and truly thinks any guest might be dangerous, then shame on her for exposing other guests to any risk of harm. Not okay.
IMHO.
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I can concur, up to a point. Me? I live in town with a fulltime police force. However, I have lived in the 'hinterlands' where police protection/coverage/assistance is sketchy. It's not that they don't want to help, it's that they're covering territory the size of RI with 2 officers.
There is no way they can guarantee someone will be there to help you. In most cases, they don't even investigate anything short of felonies.
Altho, I think the innkeeper went too far in attempting to appease this jerk, I have to take her word on the advisability of 'getting into it' with someone who sounds unhinged, with no one to back her up, except family, if it went horribly wrong.
No, I'm not happy about the situation, wish none of us ever have to encounter this behavior, but it's obvious it happens and we all need to understand what our 'Plan B' is, which I think they've spent a lot of time going over this weekend.
It's given all of us something to think about. Would there have been serious harm to the other guests, the innkeepers, their family, etc had they forcibly tried to remove him? Unknown. No one wants to live in fear in their own home which is why this incident should be part of the conversation at all of our B&B's.
Then again, maybe a show of force from the innkeepers would have made him slink away like the bully he is. Again unknown. Maybe she saved the wife's life by not forcing the issue. Unknown.
 
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