Six Ways to Deal with Small Business Stress

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gillumhouse

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Just as I started to read this (we had just finished watching another episode of Doc Martin) DH comes into my Library to compare the main characters in Doc Martin to Matt Dillon & Kitty! I had to listen to 15 minutes of blather about a stupid TV show that was so sanitized he kept wondering when Matt & Kitty were going o get married! Then he had to describe different episodes to back up his thoughts on it.... Lord save me, i was ready to look for the Hefty bags! Some one has too much time on his hands! Thank you SS for being here with the perfect salvation for tonight.
 

happykeeper

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There you have it folks- the unvarnished truth from yet another business expert. It can be framed in hundreds of words in hundreds of ways- but these are the essentials to making a bed and breakfast successful. I read them once and then I read them a second time. The first time was to comprehend the article, but the second time was with a critical eye for anything that we are doing that we need to fess up to. I went through each one and reevaluated our strengths, looking for areas where we could improve. This is one of the best kind of business evaluation exercises, so I am sharing here.
1) Lately I caught myself feeling frustrated a bit by the tight credit market for small business. Our business is growing and we want to do some expansions, but we have been building reserves instead, which is VERY boring. This is a great reminder that our decision to focus on improving our website, developing targeted marketing, and building partnerships is the right thing to do when moving the business forward through capital improvement becomes difficult.
2) This is what drove us into building reserves. The worst case senario got worse and we felt the healthy fear that we were suddenly vulnerable and needed to take action to shore up positions. That meant eliminating revolving debt, saving money, and looking for ways to manage monthly costs more efficiently. We eliminate guilt by setting a high standard for business practices. Honest, fair, full disclosure, making sure everyone wins, and giving when we can.
3) We work very hard at thinking forward ONLY. We have to make decisions, so we put a lot of value on talking about them in advance- well in advance if it is a big decision. Nothing creates regret faster than from the hip business decision. This is NOT about emergencies- that isn't a business decision.
4) This may be the hardest thing I have ever had to learn in my life and it is goona sound preachy. When I say, "It's all good" I mean everything that happens or is. It's one of our mantras and I can assure you, most people DO NOT believe this. People make the mistake of weighing their burdens against others and then ascribe the things that happen to them as good or bad. Forget it! Every last bit of humanity is good. When you think this way, there is no room for self-pity.
5) Business is tough because you occasionally have to hold others accountable for their actions. I am learning that the key here is the business practices mentioned in #2. If I have taken full responsibility for my role and if I am ready to accept that I may be wrong, then it is 100% less stressful to hold others accountable for providing the service or goods they offered you. BONUS- it is a heck of a lot calmer and factual.
6) I must think and act positively. I have been on the forum for a while and I have worked very hard to think constructively and to think about solutions. I cringe at the huge number of posters that think venting is helpful for them. It is the one thing in my post that may draw the most commentary, because once you are entreched in the belief that this is good for you, defending that belief is all you have. I have a long ways to go to reach positive thinking nirvana, but this is the one most important thing I can do to make the art of business work for me.
You can see that the bump came in the very first statement. You can bet that I am going to stop whinning about tight credit and start finding credit in a tight market. It's a simple change, but it's huge shift. There were a few other minor matters that I made mental note of and otherwise, I have just completed a review of my business behaviors.
Thank you Seashanty!
 

EmptyNest

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There you have it folks- the unvarnished truth from yet another business expert. It can be framed in hundreds of words in hundreds of ways- but these are the essentials to making a bed and breakfast successful. I read them once and then I read them a second time. The first time was to comprehend the article, but the second time was with a critical eye for anything that we are doing that we need to fess up to. I went through each one and reevaluated our strengths, looking for areas where we could improve. This is one of the best kind of business evaluation exercises, so I am sharing here.
1) Lately I caught myself feeling frustrated a bit by the tight credit market for small business. Our business is growing and we want to do some expansions, but we have been building reserves instead, which is VERY boring. This is a great reminder that our decision to focus on improving our website, developing targeted marketing, and building partnerships is the right thing to do when moving the business forward through capital improvement becomes difficult.
2) This is what drove us into building reserves. The worst case senario got worse and we felt the healthy fear that we were suddenly vulnerable and needed to take action to shore up positions. That meant eliminating revolving debt, saving money, and looking for ways to manage monthly costs more efficiently. We eliminate guilt by setting a high standard for business practices. Honest, fair, full disclosure, making sure everyone wins, and giving when we can.
3) We work very hard at thinking forward ONLY. We have to make decisions, so we put a lot of value on talking about them in advance- well in advance if it is a big decision. Nothing creates regret faster than from the hip business decision. This is NOT about emergencies- that isn't a business decision.
4) This may be the hardest thing I have ever had to learn in my life and it is goona sound preachy. When I say, "It's all good" I mean everything that happens or is. It's one of our mantras and I can assure you, most people DO NOT believe this. People make the mistake of weighing their burdens against others and then ascribe the things that happen to them as good or bad. Forget it! Every last bit of humanity is good. When you think this way, there is no room for self-pity.
5) Business is tough because you occasionally have to hold others accountable for their actions. I am learning that the key here is the business practices mentioned in #2. If I have taken full responsibility for my role and if I am ready to accept that I may be wrong, then it is 100% less stressful to hold others accountable for providing the service or goods they offered you. BONUS- it is a heck of a lot calmer and factual.
6) I must think and act positively. I have been on the forum for a while and I have worked very hard to think constructively and to think about solutions. I cringe at the huge number of posters that think venting is helpful for them. It is the one thing in my post that may draw the most commentary, because once you are entreched in the belief that this is good for you, defending that belief is all you have. I have a long ways to go to reach positive thinking nirvana, but this is the one most important thing I can do to make the art of business work for me.
You can see that the bump came in the very first statement. You can bet that I am going to stop whinning about tight credit and start finding credit in a tight market. It's a simple change, but it's huge shift. There were a few other minor matters that I made mental note of and otherwise, I have just completed a review of my business behaviors.
Thank you Seashanty!.
It was an excellent article and your response was soooooo POSITIVE.
I applaud you for that!!!

It is so hard......I have tried and tried...for years and years...but the old ways still sneak back in. I will keep on trying...maybe someday it will kick in and stick.
But...venting here...can be helpful as well. It is good to know that others are going through the same things and that you are not alone.
 

gillumhouse

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There you have it folks- the unvarnished truth from yet another business expert. It can be framed in hundreds of words in hundreds of ways- but these are the essentials to making a bed and breakfast successful. I read them once and then I read them a second time. The first time was to comprehend the article, but the second time was with a critical eye for anything that we are doing that we need to fess up to. I went through each one and reevaluated our strengths, looking for areas where we could improve. This is one of the best kind of business evaluation exercises, so I am sharing here.
1) Lately I caught myself feeling frustrated a bit by the tight credit market for small business. Our business is growing and we want to do some expansions, but we have been building reserves instead, which is VERY boring. This is a great reminder that our decision to focus on improving our website, developing targeted marketing, and building partnerships is the right thing to do when moving the business forward through capital improvement becomes difficult.
2) This is what drove us into building reserves. The worst case senario got worse and we felt the healthy fear that we were suddenly vulnerable and needed to take action to shore up positions. That meant eliminating revolving debt, saving money, and looking for ways to manage monthly costs more efficiently. We eliminate guilt by setting a high standard for business practices. Honest, fair, full disclosure, making sure everyone wins, and giving when we can.
3) We work very hard at thinking forward ONLY. We have to make decisions, so we put a lot of value on talking about them in advance- well in advance if it is a big decision. Nothing creates regret faster than from the hip business decision. This is NOT about emergencies- that isn't a business decision.
4) This may be the hardest thing I have ever had to learn in my life and it is goona sound preachy. When I say, "It's all good" I mean everything that happens or is. It's one of our mantras and I can assure you, most people DO NOT believe this. People make the mistake of weighing their burdens against others and then ascribe the things that happen to them as good or bad. Forget it! Every last bit of humanity is good. When you think this way, there is no room for self-pity.
5) Business is tough because you occasionally have to hold others accountable for their actions. I am learning that the key here is the business practices mentioned in #2. If I have taken full responsibility for my role and if I am ready to accept that I may be wrong, then it is 100% less stressful to hold others accountable for providing the service or goods they offered you. BONUS- it is a heck of a lot calmer and factual.
6) I must think and act positively. I have been on the forum for a while and I have worked very hard to think constructively and to think about solutions. I cringe at the huge number of posters that think venting is helpful for them. It is the one thing in my post that may draw the most commentary, because once you are entreched in the belief that this is good for you, defending that belief is all you have. I have a long ways to go to reach positive thinking nirvana, but this is the one most important thing I can do to make the art of business work for me.
You can see that the bump came in the very first statement. You can bet that I am going to stop whinning about tight credit and start finding credit in a tight market. It's a simple change, but it's huge shift. There were a few other minor matters that I made mental note of and otherwise, I have just completed a review of my business behaviors.
Thank you Seashanty!.
Excellent evaluation of the article. The article subject gave me a pop-off valve last night. I know where my stress comes from and it ain't the business!
Thank you for your post. We all (OK ME needs) to be reminded to think postively and look at things as business - personal responsibility is needed in ALL things.
 

wendydk

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There you have it folks- the unvarnished truth from yet another business expert. It can be framed in hundreds of words in hundreds of ways- but these are the essentials to making a bed and breakfast successful. I read them once and then I read them a second time. The first time was to comprehend the article, but the second time was with a critical eye for anything that we are doing that we need to fess up to. I went through each one and reevaluated our strengths, looking for areas where we could improve. This is one of the best kind of business evaluation exercises, so I am sharing here.
1) Lately I caught myself feeling frustrated a bit by the tight credit market for small business. Our business is growing and we want to do some expansions, but we have been building reserves instead, which is VERY boring. This is a great reminder that our decision to focus on improving our website, developing targeted marketing, and building partnerships is the right thing to do when moving the business forward through capital improvement becomes difficult.
2) This is what drove us into building reserves. The worst case senario got worse and we felt the healthy fear that we were suddenly vulnerable and needed to take action to shore up positions. That meant eliminating revolving debt, saving money, and looking for ways to manage monthly costs more efficiently. We eliminate guilt by setting a high standard for business practices. Honest, fair, full disclosure, making sure everyone wins, and giving when we can.
3) We work very hard at thinking forward ONLY. We have to make decisions, so we put a lot of value on talking about them in advance- well in advance if it is a big decision. Nothing creates regret faster than from the hip business decision. This is NOT about emergencies- that isn't a business decision.
4) This may be the hardest thing I have ever had to learn in my life and it is goona sound preachy. When I say, "It's all good" I mean everything that happens or is. It's one of our mantras and I can assure you, most people DO NOT believe this. People make the mistake of weighing their burdens against others and then ascribe the things that happen to them as good or bad. Forget it! Every last bit of humanity is good. When you think this way, there is no room for self-pity.
5) Business is tough because you occasionally have to hold others accountable for their actions. I am learning that the key here is the business practices mentioned in #2. If I have taken full responsibility for my role and if I am ready to accept that I may be wrong, then it is 100% less stressful to hold others accountable for providing the service or goods they offered you. BONUS- it is a heck of a lot calmer and factual.
6) I must think and act positively. I have been on the forum for a while and I have worked very hard to think constructively and to think about solutions. I cringe at the huge number of posters that think venting is helpful for them. It is the one thing in my post that may draw the most commentary, because once you are entreched in the belief that this is good for you, defending that belief is all you have. I have a long ways to go to reach positive thinking nirvana, but this is the one most important thing I can do to make the art of business work for me.
You can see that the bump came in the very first statement. You can bet that I am going to stop whinning about tight credit and start finding credit in a tight market. It's a simple change, but it's huge shift. There were a few other minor matters that I made mental note of and otherwise, I have just completed a review of my business behaviors.
Thank you Seashanty!.
"I cringe at the huge number of posters that think venting is helpful for them."
knkbnb...I could not agree more. While venting may bring about some short-term satisfaction, it also perpetuates venting. Negativity begats negativity, from ourselves and everyone else.
I much prefer positivity, and like to think that staying positive will bring more positive events and people my way. It certainly works where my guests are concerned. On days that I have read alot of "vents", I find myself more apt to be irritated about the smallest guest issues....which is just not me.
 

happykeeper

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There you have it folks- the unvarnished truth from yet another business expert. It can be framed in hundreds of words in hundreds of ways- but these are the essentials to making a bed and breakfast successful. I read them once and then I read them a second time. The first time was to comprehend the article, but the second time was with a critical eye for anything that we are doing that we need to fess up to. I went through each one and reevaluated our strengths, looking for areas where we could improve. This is one of the best kind of business evaluation exercises, so I am sharing here.
1) Lately I caught myself feeling frustrated a bit by the tight credit market for small business. Our business is growing and we want to do some expansions, but we have been building reserves instead, which is VERY boring. This is a great reminder that our decision to focus on improving our website, developing targeted marketing, and building partnerships is the right thing to do when moving the business forward through capital improvement becomes difficult.
2) This is what drove us into building reserves. The worst case senario got worse and we felt the healthy fear that we were suddenly vulnerable and needed to take action to shore up positions. That meant eliminating revolving debt, saving money, and looking for ways to manage monthly costs more efficiently. We eliminate guilt by setting a high standard for business practices. Honest, fair, full disclosure, making sure everyone wins, and giving when we can.
3) We work very hard at thinking forward ONLY. We have to make decisions, so we put a lot of value on talking about them in advance- well in advance if it is a big decision. Nothing creates regret faster than from the hip business decision. This is NOT about emergencies- that isn't a business decision.
4) This may be the hardest thing I have ever had to learn in my life and it is goona sound preachy. When I say, "It's all good" I mean everything that happens or is. It's one of our mantras and I can assure you, most people DO NOT believe this. People make the mistake of weighing their burdens against others and then ascribe the things that happen to them as good or bad. Forget it! Every last bit of humanity is good. When you think this way, there is no room for self-pity.
5) Business is tough because you occasionally have to hold others accountable for their actions. I am learning that the key here is the business practices mentioned in #2. If I have taken full responsibility for my role and if I am ready to accept that I may be wrong, then it is 100% less stressful to hold others accountable for providing the service or goods they offered you. BONUS- it is a heck of a lot calmer and factual.
6) I must think and act positively. I have been on the forum for a while and I have worked very hard to think constructively and to think about solutions. I cringe at the huge number of posters that think venting is helpful for them. It is the one thing in my post that may draw the most commentary, because once you are entreched in the belief that this is good for you, defending that belief is all you have. I have a long ways to go to reach positive thinking nirvana, but this is the one most important thing I can do to make the art of business work for me.
You can see that the bump came in the very first statement. You can bet that I am going to stop whinning about tight credit and start finding credit in a tight market. It's a simple change, but it's huge shift. There were a few other minor matters that I made mental note of and otherwise, I have just completed a review of my business behaviors.
Thank you Seashanty!.
It was an excellent article and your response was soooooo POSITIVE.
I applaud you for that!!!

It is so hard......I have tried and tried...for years and years...but the old ways still sneak back in. I will keep on trying...maybe someday it will kick in and stick.
But...venting here...can be helpful as well. It is good to know that others are going through the same things and that you are not alone.
.
I have been thinking about this a bit, so I have some additional thoughts that were triggered by your thoughts.
It is absolutely not directed to you. It's just some added thoughts.
Reframing is helpful. Solutions based thinking is helpful
Asking for reframing suggestions and solutions makes sense.
I like solution making over problem solving but here is something neat I saw in the posts from the NYT article that I liked a lot. The 5 whys. Ask why when someone tells you the problem, then why again to the answer. Do that 5 times and you may actually get to the real problem.
Discussions are helpful. Sharing facts of a personal experience can help.
Asking other posters questions is helpful.
Informing others is helpful (Thanks again seashanty)
Why not make these the drugs of choice? They can be just as addicting and way more educational.
Warning- This next part is blunt, but it is not directed at anyone and I humbly acknowledge that I am not immune to the pitfalls of venting. This is just my thoughts on venting. I think they have some merit, but I am not advocating anyone change, I make the forum work for me just the way it is. Get out the salt shaker.
Venting is NOT helpful and validating venting is particularly not helpful. I would suggest that it gives the venter an excuse to not change what caused the problem. Something goes bad, the addict posts their vent- they get all kinds of validation that it's not them. Posters attempting to help them are devalued as not understanding and everyone goes away frustrated. Two weeks later, they are back for more validation and the cycle repeats. Instead of being helped, they and their business are actually hurt. It's a little bit like family triangulation. It can make the forum dysfunctional to have mom step on dad's authority and stop posters from getting the straight answers they need to change.
 

JBloggs

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I wholeheartedly agree with all comments to this point - except what is a vent? It is a continual gripe about guests? Or is it a one time "drunken guest story" and hoping they have an ear here who will understand and have some "oh you poor thing!" comments in return. I would call the latter a "vent" like a steam vent, to relieve pressure.
We all need encouragement, sometimes the vents come out the wrong way. But venting about every little thing is not venting, it is nit picking, griping, complaining. No one wants to hear nit picking about guests, aka nagging.
KnK spoke of his spiritual beliefs in a couple sentences so I will add this one from my spiritual beliefs:
Proverbs 21:9 Better to live on the corner of a roof
than to share a house with a nagging wife
All that to say, this forum is "our house" at times. Also when it is your house, you have a family and you love them in the good and bad. Sure they can annoy you. Some of the best relationships on this forum annoy each other.
Innkeepers can have really bad days - and for that, we are here for them, not just to hear the happy stories and the positive vibes. Friendship is friendship in the shade and dark as well as the sunshine. We have relationships with forum inn-mates. That, imo is more worthwhile than "stain removal" and thread counts.
My 2 cents.
 

Don Draper

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To all of this I would remind everyone that part of positivity is refraining from judging others. To really accept that everything is for the good, you have to accept ALL of it. If you don't like someone's venting, just don't read their posts. Simple.
I don't come here to change my business. I come to this forum because it is an audience who understands the unique challenges of my chosen profession. As part of that profession I need to keep a cheerful personality at all times. Here I can simply be myself and blow off the negativity that builds up as a result of constantly being barraged by the thoughtlessness of those with whom I come in contact as part of my chosen profession.
I strongly disagree that venting begats negativity...if I get a chance to vent I can get whatever is bothering me "out of my system" and move on. It's when I don't get a chance to vent that things fester.
Just my two cents, I certainly appreciate that I can come here and have a sympathetic ear and I hope I can provide the same for others. I pass no judgement on those who vent or those who do not.
 

happykeeper

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To all of this I would remind everyone that part of positivity is refraining from judging others. To really accept that everything is for the good, you have to accept ALL of it. If you don't like someone's venting, just don't read their posts. Simple.
I don't come here to change my business. I come to this forum because it is an audience who understands the unique challenges of my chosen profession. As part of that profession I need to keep a cheerful personality at all times. Here I can simply be myself and blow off the negativity that builds up as a result of constantly being barraged by the thoughtlessness of those with whom I come in contact as part of my chosen profession.
I strongly disagree that venting begats negativity...if I get a chance to vent I can get whatever is bothering me "out of my system" and move on. It's when I don't get a chance to vent that things fester.
Just my two cents, I certainly appreciate that I can come here and have a sympathetic ear and I hope I can provide the same for others. I pass no judgement on those who vent or those who do not..
That's a great reminder. If anyone thought I had a specific person in mind or was passing judgement upon them, please be assured that I was just sharing my philosophy. I wasn't saying I don't like someone's venting, just that I try not to do it because it's bad for me. Like I said, these things can come across as kind of preachy, but it really is just a personal philosophy that I wanted to share. As I said, I'm not out to change the forum. I make good use of it just the way it is.
 

Don Draper

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To all of this I would remind everyone that part of positivity is refraining from judging others. To really accept that everything is for the good, you have to accept ALL of it. If you don't like someone's venting, just don't read their posts. Simple.
I don't come here to change my business. I come to this forum because it is an audience who understands the unique challenges of my chosen profession. As part of that profession I need to keep a cheerful personality at all times. Here I can simply be myself and blow off the negativity that builds up as a result of constantly being barraged by the thoughtlessness of those with whom I come in contact as part of my chosen profession.
I strongly disagree that venting begats negativity...if I get a chance to vent I can get whatever is bothering me "out of my system" and move on. It's when I don't get a chance to vent that things fester.
Just my two cents, I certainly appreciate that I can come here and have a sympathetic ear and I hope I can provide the same for others. I pass no judgement on those who vent or those who do not..
That's a great reminder. If anyone thought I had a specific person in mind or was passing judgement upon them, please be assured that I was just sharing my philosophy. I wasn't saying I don't like someone's venting, just that I try not to do it because it's bad for me. Like I said, these things can come across as kind of preachy, but it really is just a personal philosophy that I wanted to share. As I said, I'm not out to change the forum. I make good use of it just the way it is.
.
I don't think you came across as "preachy" at all...I think your posts are always very thoughtful.
 

EmptyNest

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To all of this I would remind everyone that part of positivity is refraining from judging others. To really accept that everything is for the good, you have to accept ALL of it. If you don't like someone's venting, just don't read their posts. Simple.
I don't come here to change my business. I come to this forum because it is an audience who understands the unique challenges of my chosen profession. As part of that profession I need to keep a cheerful personality at all times. Here I can simply be myself and blow off the negativity that builds up as a result of constantly being barraged by the thoughtlessness of those with whom I come in contact as part of my chosen profession.
I strongly disagree that venting begats negativity...if I get a chance to vent I can get whatever is bothering me "out of my system" and move on. It's when I don't get a chance to vent that things fester.
Just my two cents, I certainly appreciate that I can come here and have a sympathetic ear and I hope I can provide the same for others. I pass no judgement on those who vent or those who do not..
That's a great reminder. If anyone thought I had a specific person in mind or was passing judgement upon them, please be assured that I was just sharing my philosophy. I wasn't saying I don't like someone's venting, just that I try not to do it because it's bad for me. Like I said, these things can come across as kind of preachy, but it really is just a personal philosophy that I wanted to share. As I said, I'm not out to change the forum. I make good use of it just the way it is.
.
YOu always seem to come to us with very thoughtful and helpful responses.....Maybe because you are in beautiful Hawaii . Mahalo

 

gillumhouse

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There you have it folks- the unvarnished truth from yet another business expert. It can be framed in hundreds of words in hundreds of ways- but these are the essentials to making a bed and breakfast successful. I read them once and then I read them a second time. The first time was to comprehend the article, but the second time was with a critical eye for anything that we are doing that we need to fess up to. I went through each one and reevaluated our strengths, looking for areas where we could improve. This is one of the best kind of business evaluation exercises, so I am sharing here.
1) Lately I caught myself feeling frustrated a bit by the tight credit market for small business. Our business is growing and we want to do some expansions, but we have been building reserves instead, which is VERY boring. This is a great reminder that our decision to focus on improving our website, developing targeted marketing, and building partnerships is the right thing to do when moving the business forward through capital improvement becomes difficult.
2) This is what drove us into building reserves. The worst case senario got worse and we felt the healthy fear that we were suddenly vulnerable and needed to take action to shore up positions. That meant eliminating revolving debt, saving money, and looking for ways to manage monthly costs more efficiently. We eliminate guilt by setting a high standard for business practices. Honest, fair, full disclosure, making sure everyone wins, and giving when we can.
3) We work very hard at thinking forward ONLY. We have to make decisions, so we put a lot of value on talking about them in advance- well in advance if it is a big decision. Nothing creates regret faster than from the hip business decision. This is NOT about emergencies- that isn't a business decision.
4) This may be the hardest thing I have ever had to learn in my life and it is goona sound preachy. When I say, "It's all good" I mean everything that happens or is. It's one of our mantras and I can assure you, most people DO NOT believe this. People make the mistake of weighing their burdens against others and then ascribe the things that happen to them as good or bad. Forget it! Every last bit of humanity is good. When you think this way, there is no room for self-pity.
5) Business is tough because you occasionally have to hold others accountable for their actions. I am learning that the key here is the business practices mentioned in #2. If I have taken full responsibility for my role and if I am ready to accept that I may be wrong, then it is 100% less stressful to hold others accountable for providing the service or goods they offered you. BONUS- it is a heck of a lot calmer and factual.
6) I must think and act positively. I have been on the forum for a while and I have worked very hard to think constructively and to think about solutions. I cringe at the huge number of posters that think venting is helpful for them. It is the one thing in my post that may draw the most commentary, because once you are entreched in the belief that this is good for you, defending that belief is all you have. I have a long ways to go to reach positive thinking nirvana, but this is the one most important thing I can do to make the art of business work for me.
You can see that the bump came in the very first statement. You can bet that I am going to stop whinning about tight credit and start finding credit in a tight market. It's a simple change, but it's huge shift. There were a few other minor matters that I made mental note of and otherwise, I have just completed a review of my business behaviors.
Thank you Seashanty!.
It was an excellent article and your response was soooooo POSITIVE.
I applaud you for that!!!

It is so hard......I have tried and tried...for years and years...but the old ways still sneak back in. I will keep on trying...maybe someday it will kick in and stick.
But...venting here...can be helpful as well. It is good to know that others are going through the same things and that you are not alone.
.
I have been thinking about this a bit, so I have some additional thoughts that were triggered by your thoughts.
It is absolutely not directed to you. It's just some added thoughts.
Reframing is helpful. Solutions based thinking is helpful
Asking for reframing suggestions and solutions makes sense.
I like solution making over problem solving but here is something neat I saw in the posts from the NYT article that I liked a lot. The 5 whys. Ask why when someone tells you the problem, then why again to the answer. Do that 5 times and you may actually get to the real problem.
Discussions are helpful. Sharing facts of a personal experience can help.
Asking other posters questions is helpful.
Informing others is helpful (Thanks again seashanty)
Why not make these the drugs of choice? They can be just as addicting and way more educational.
Warning- This next part is blunt, but it is not directed at anyone and I humbly acknowledge that I am not immune to the pitfalls of venting. This is just my thoughts on venting. I think they have some merit, but I am not advocating anyone change, I make the forum work for me just the way it is. Get out the salt shaker.
Venting is NOT helpful and validating venting is particularly not helpful. I would suggest that it gives the venter an excuse to not change what caused the problem. Something goes bad, the addict posts their vent- they get all kinds of validation that it's not them. Posters attempting to help them are devalued as not understanding and everyone goes away frustrated. Two weeks later, they are back for more validation and the cycle repeats. Instead of being helped, they and their business are actually hurt. It's a little bit like family triangulation. It can make the forum dysfunctional to have mom step on dad's authority and stop posters from getting the straight answers they need to change.
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On this, I think it depends on the vent. I agree that the same vent over and over and the misunderstandings do not help but feed the problem up to a point - but sometimes the vent is just that, a safety valve. And we have no other option open to us as we are all in our cubes to busy with daily life to even go talk to someone nearby if there even IS such a person. Being able to vent here with people who understand what is being dealt with is very helpful.
I am usually venting rather than getting out the Hefty bags and cement. I have no other place to go - and we are a Viceroy couple, I would rather vent than switch because our problem is too much time in the same house and who else would take care of him? So I blow off steam. And we all know that he is a jerk but he is MY jerk syndrome is at work here. And I try not to vent too often.
Often, buried in the vent is a clue to the problem and in the back & forth insights do come forth. It may be after a spit & scratch exchange, but sometimes something comes through. I am not going to toss away the vent as a bad thing. The ventor just needs to understand that there will be opinions and suggestions that may not be the poor baby and validation hoped for. Often it is NOT.
I agree with most of the rest of what you said.
 

happykeeper

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To all of this I would remind everyone that part of positivity is refraining from judging others. To really accept that everything is for the good, you have to accept ALL of it. If you don't like someone's venting, just don't read their posts. Simple.
I don't come here to change my business. I come to this forum because it is an audience who understands the unique challenges of my chosen profession. As part of that profession I need to keep a cheerful personality at all times. Here I can simply be myself and blow off the negativity that builds up as a result of constantly being barraged by the thoughtlessness of those with whom I come in contact as part of my chosen profession.
I strongly disagree that venting begats negativity...if I get a chance to vent I can get whatever is bothering me "out of my system" and move on. It's when I don't get a chance to vent that things fester.
Just my two cents, I certainly appreciate that I can come here and have a sympathetic ear and I hope I can provide the same for others. I pass no judgement on those who vent or those who do not..
That's a great reminder. If anyone thought I had a specific person in mind or was passing judgement upon them, please be assured that I was just sharing my philosophy. I wasn't saying I don't like someone's venting, just that I try not to do it because it's bad for me. Like I said, these things can come across as kind of preachy, but it really is just a personal philosophy that I wanted to share. As I said, I'm not out to change the forum. I make good use of it just the way it is.
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YOu always seem to come to us with very thoughtful and helpful responses.....Maybe because you are in beautiful Hawaii . Mahalo

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Hmm.. I'm blushing a bit. Here's the syrup- It comes from my heart. I want to try to share what has worked for me. It has been a long hard year for a lot of people and it is rough to see them stuck in a cycle that is driving them in the wrong direction. As gently as I can, I'm sharing what has helped us become better business people. When we started, we did not have a good understanding of how to succeed.
Instead of this thread getting off track on venting- I would love to see how others handle the business review.
Does anyone want to go through the 6 principles and report their findings?
 

Breakfast Diva

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Oh, an interesting and passionate dysfunctional family we innkeepers are. I'm chuckling a bit right now because the topic has now changed from what we can do to relieve stress and run our business with positive yet realistic attitudes to picking apart venting.
Thank you knk for your insights into the article and telling us how you relate it to your business. I admire your attitude and I try to have the same one although sometimes it's very difficult and I fail.
I know that I have butt heads here a few times but typically it's because there has been a blanket negative statement which I find could be misleading to others, especially aspiring innkeepers.
I think of this business in two parts. The "touchy feely" and "business". You can not have a successful B&B without both of those aspects being strong. I am constantly thinking how can I improve? What can or should I do to either make it better or increase business. I admit, it's an obsession.
I'm always amazed that when someone posts what has worked for them and suggests specific things to make business better, there are others who's immediate response is a negative. It's almost as if those of us who are doing well get slammed. If I come across as a know it all, I apologize, it's just that I know from experience that a small inn can be not only a lifestyle, but also profitable. It saddens me when I read about people struggling so much and then refusing suggestions from others.
I have a suggestion...if any of us just want to vent for venting sake, go for it. But let us know you're just blowing off steam. I've definitely been there too!
Thank you SS for sharing this article. I know I'll be reading it again and saving it in my bookmark for those times I'm feeling sorry for myself
 

EmptyNest

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Oh, an interesting and passionate dysfunctional family we innkeepers are. I'm chuckling a bit right now because the topic has now changed from what we can do to relieve stress and run our business with positive yet realistic attitudes to picking apart venting.
Thank you knk for your insights into the article and telling us how you relate it to your business. I admire your attitude and I try to have the same one although sometimes it's very difficult and I fail.
I know that I have butt heads here a few times but typically it's because there has been a blanket negative statement which I find could be misleading to others, especially aspiring innkeepers.
I think of this business in two parts. The "touchy feely" and "business". You can not have a successful B&B without both of those aspects being strong. I am constantly thinking how can I improve? What can or should I do to either make it better or increase business. I admit, it's an obsession.
I'm always amazed that when someone posts what has worked for them and suggests specific things to make business better, there are others who's immediate response is a negative. It's almost as if those of us who are doing well get slammed. If I come across as a know it all, I apologize, it's just that I know from experience that a small inn can be not only a lifestyle, but also profitable. It saddens me when I read about people struggling so much and then refusing suggestions from others.
I have a suggestion...if any of us just want to vent for venting sake, go for it. But let us know you're just blowing off steam. I've definitely been there too!
Thank you SS for sharing this article. I know I'll be reading it again and saving it in my bookmark for those times I'm feeling sorry for myself
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I know someone right now who could REALLY use this information. They are on the brink, but I do not know them well enough to share:-(
I fear they may take it the wrong way and I don't want to butt in because it may even make things worse for them. I have shared it with our Chamber President in hopes she may be able to use it with some members.
 

seashanty

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very interesting responses guys.
i'm a big fan of the VENT - let off steam -- but don't let it become your focus
i'm also a fan of 'the secret' and the power of positive thinking
reminds me of accentuate the positive
 

muirford

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Oh, an interesting and passionate dysfunctional family we innkeepers are. I'm chuckling a bit right now because the topic has now changed from what we can do to relieve stress and run our business with positive yet realistic attitudes to picking apart venting.
Thank you knk for your insights into the article and telling us how you relate it to your business. I admire your attitude and I try to have the same one although sometimes it's very difficult and I fail.
I know that I have butt heads here a few times but typically it's because there has been a blanket negative statement which I find could be misleading to others, especially aspiring innkeepers.
I think of this business in two parts. The "touchy feely" and "business". You can not have a successful B&B without both of those aspects being strong. I am constantly thinking how can I improve? What can or should I do to either make it better or increase business. I admit, it's an obsession.
I'm always amazed that when someone posts what has worked for them and suggests specific things to make business better, there are others who's immediate response is a negative. It's almost as if those of us who are doing well get slammed. If I come across as a know it all, I apologize, it's just that I know from experience that a small inn can be not only a lifestyle, but also profitable. It saddens me when I read about people struggling so much and then refusing suggestions from others.
I have a suggestion...if any of us just want to vent for venting sake, go for it. But let us know you're just blowing off steam. I've definitely been there too!
Thank you SS for sharing this article. I know I'll be reading it again and saving it in my bookmark for those times I'm feeling sorry for myself
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Breakfast Diva said:
I have a suggestion...if any of us just want to vent for venting sake, go for it. But let us know you're just blowing off steam. I've definitely been there too!
That's why we have a forum topic:
Chat, Vent, Laugh, Cry[/h1]Just like a TV, no one has to go to that channel if they don't want to see what's there. Seriously, I'm not trying to be snarky - it dawns on me that some of the newer posters may not realize that is why that topic is there.
 

gillumhouse

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OK. #1 says to identify the problem and that is something I think this group does (maybe not totally when looking in the mirror) and it ends with saying join a business group and reach out to other business people you respect. Ta-da. All on this Forum are doing just that. When we post photos and ask for opinions on them or other things we are considering - we DO get answers!! And we have all reached out in asking advice on web sites and other things that have kept many from wasting money or on investing in things wisely. Just writing it often gives me insight into the problem.
#2 - separate fear from anxiety. That is a personal thing but in talking to each other here, I feel we calm each others fears AND anxieties with our personal observations (and not with the I went through 36 hours of labor so big deal you did 10 kind of stories) and experiences - the positive ones. We also are able to tell each other if the increase/decrease in occupancy is in general or localized so we know if it is just us or "going around:. And often are able to make suggestions to cure it. Financial anxiety is the biggest one for small business I think. My biggest fear was not being able to make the honking loan payment and getting old solved that one.
#3 - forgive yourself. That is another way this Forum helps. How many times have one of us said they felt badly about something and the advice has been - fergitaboudit! move on! There has also been advice on how to handle it.
#4 - keep perspective. We all need to set our goals and know what we want to accomplish. And looking to ourselves is the only way we can do it. I was brought up with a mantra that I passed on to my children - whether they choose to remember it or not. WHERE IS IT WRITTEN THAT LIFE IS FAIR? My personal philosophy is that there is a reason for everything and everything has a reason. Good, bad, or indifferent - each thing sets into motion other happenings, like tossing a pebble into water and watching the rings that appear from the center outward.
#5 - accept responsibility. It is the lack of accepting responsibility that has created most of the problems being faced today. There are some things that are not our fault (such as taxes & laws - but we elect them and accidents) but for the most part each of us IS responsible for ourselves and the decisions we make. (I am the only one responsible for signing on for life.)
#6 - think positively. First CAN'T never did anything and preconceived notions are self-fulling. I know I will succeed probably will and I know it won't work guarantees that it won't.
I guess for me personally, going thru 1975 - 1989 was as stressful as life could get with the kids and their grandparents and working 2 jobs etc. After that, what is stressful other than my Master's voice.....
 

JBloggs

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"It's almost as if those of us who are doing well get slammed. If I come across as a know it all, I apologize, it's just that I know from experience that a small inn can be not only a lifestyle, but also profitable. It saddens me when I read about people struggling so much and then refusing suggestions from others.
I have a suggestion...if any of us just want to vent for venting sake, go for it. But let us know you're just blowing off steam."
These are the reasons people get irritated. Guess what, there are others on this forum who are having their best year yet! SURPRISED? We just don't keep saying it over and over to push our weight around.
It has nothing to do with "If you are doing well or if you are not doing well" SHEESH!!!!!!!! It's called innkeeping, innkeeping! I had three guests hugs this morning at check out...others maybe had a drunk this morning who no showed for breakfast, it is not the innkeeper that dictates the happy go luckies at our B&B's. People are people. No one has cornered the perfect guest market.
So we can say "We are only positive" but then type this stuff that ticks others off. CAPICHE. We will make sure we let others know in the future if the post in the "Chat Vent Laugh and Cry" thread that it is a chat, vent laugh or cry comment from now on.
 
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